Showering: Men v. Women

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1. Mirror, mirrorA young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says «Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four». Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell ... Читать далее...
2. On their first night to be togetherOn their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, «my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.» The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. ... Читать далее...
3. Miracle Bra AlternativeMiracle Bra Alternative A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in ... Читать далее...
4. Education for womenContinuing Education Courses for Women Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits. Parties: Going Without New Outfits. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too. Bathroom Etiquette II: His ... Читать далее...
5. This is what should happen to ALL CATS!This is what should happen to ALL CATS..! HOW TO WASH THE CAT 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up. 3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the ... Читать далее...
6. University courses for men and womenWhatsamatta University’s Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required. 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова washWash — мыть, умываться, стирать; мытье, стирка Перевод слова To give a wash — вымыть, помыть to send to the wash — отдать в стирку to wash the shores — омывать берега You Wash and I’ll dry. Ты моешь посуду, а я буду вытирать. Warranted to Wash. При стирке не линяет. His hair needs a ... Читать далее...
8. A husband emerged from the bathroom naked andA husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, «I have a headache.» «Perfect» her husband said. «I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,… it’s up to you!»...
9. And yet another college dorm jokeI have lived in several different houses with a bunch of guys. Needless to say things got pretty rowdy sometimes and many were victims of some pretty funny jokes. One of the favorites as I recall (and still is) is to go into the bathroom while the victim is taking a shower, and pour a ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова towelTowel — полотенце Перевод слова Hand towel — полотенце для рук linen towel — льняное полотенце roller towel — бумажное полотенце в рулоне to damp a towel — намочить полотенце I’ll get a Towel for you. Я принесу тебе полотенце. She dried her hands on the kitchen Towel. Она вытерла ее руки кухонным полотенцем. Undress ... Читать далее...
11. An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger ladyAn older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the ... Читать далее...
12. A WOMANS SCHEDULEA WOMAN’S SCHEDULE 1. Get up. 2. Pee. 3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea. 4. Pee. 5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don’t have to stop in the middle. 6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there. 7. Get to work at Burger ... Читать далее...
13. Dictionary for womenArgument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet. Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, ... Читать далее...
14. By definitionA young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt.’s green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say’s, «Why yes I am…you wanna wear my hat?» The boy nods and the ... Читать далее...
15. Excuses for refusing datesAge EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES 17 Need to wash my hair 25 Need to wash and condition my hair 35 Need to color my hair 48 Need to have Francois color my hair 66 Need to have Francois color my wig...
16. A Drunk ScottsmanThere was a scottsman and he was too drunk to walk home from the bar. He decides to lay down a park bench and sleep. Tomorrow he would walk home after he was sober. In the morning two little girls are walking by to go to school when they see he is wearing his kilt. ... Читать далее...
17. A folk remedyA man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she ... Читать далее...
18. Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their busTwo old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, «You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’. The other woman turned to her and said «I know! I ... Читать далее...
19. Man and wife at the zooIt’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one ... Читать далее...
20. After putting her children to bed, a motherAfter putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова clothCloth — ткань, тряпка Перевод слова Printed cotton cloth — набивная хлопчатобумажная ткань damp cloth — влажная тряпка edge of cloth — кромка ткани The Cloth feels silky. Ткань на ощупь шелковистая. I like the feel of this Cloth. Мне нравится чувствовать эту ткань. Wipe the leather with a damp Cloth. Протрите кожу мягкой влажной ... Читать далее...
22. Marriage AnonymousWith the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed called «Marriage Anonymous.» Whenever a guy feels like getting married, they send over a woman with crulers in her hair, cream on her face and wearing a torn housecoat to nag him out of it....
23. Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hairMrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, «I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there.» That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, «I’ve never seen anything like that. ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы wiener roast[wiener roast] or [hot dog roast] {n.} A party where frankfurtersare cooked and eaten over an outdoor fire. For his birthday party, John had a wiener roast in his backyard. Mary’s Girl Scout troophad a hot dog roast on their overnight hike....
25. Someone really stinksA young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, «Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s ... Читать далее...
26. Poor Rabbi!A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet for the morning’s relief, and neglected to notice that the seat was up. When she sat, she kept going! She was just the right size and shape so ... Читать далее...
27. Emery fixed himself a Scotch while waitingEmery fixed himself a Scotch while waiting for Maria to get ready for their date. She came out of the shower wrapped in a bath towel and said, «I’m sorry I’m late but I was shopping and lost track of time. Would you like to see me in my new dress?» «I would like nothing ... Читать далее...
28. Some of the myths about marriageTOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: «I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.» The husband says: «WHAT??» The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional ... Читать далее...
29. Лексика по теме ДОМБалкон — balcony бриться/побриться — to (have a) shave будильник — alarm clock ваза — vase ванна — bath (tub) ванная — bathroom ведро — bucket вешать/повесить белье — to hang out/up the washing/laundry видеомагнитофон — video (cassette) recorder, video включать/включить — to turn/switch on; to plug in вставать/встать — to get up, to rise ... Читать далее...
30. This fellow comes to confessionThis fellow comes to confession. «Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.» The priest asked, «What did you do, my son?» «I lusted,» the fellow replied. «Tell me about it,» the priest said. The fellow then related his story. «Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in ... Читать далее...
31. Топик «International Women’s Day (8 March) / Международный Женский День (8 Марта)»Словарь A present [ˈprez(ə)nt] — подарок To congratulate [kənˈɡrætjʊleɪt] — праздновать To wash up — мыть посуду To celebrate [ˈselɪbreɪt] — праздновать Almost [ˈɔːlməʊst] — почти Lay the table [leɪ ðə ˈteɪb(ə)l] — накрывать на стол The 8th of March is a great official holiday for all women. It began in 1909 by women in ... Читать далее...
32. How to be a Good WifeExcerpted from a 1950’s high school home economics textbook Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal—on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the ... Читать далее...
33. Женская одежда (Womenswear/Women’s clothing), лексика и слова по темеA dress (casual, evening, designer, wedding) – платье (повседневное, вечернее, дизайнерское, свадебное ) A pencil dress – платье-футляр A maxi dress – платье в пол A low-cut dress – платье с глубоким вырезом A pinafore dress – сарафан A sleeveless dress – платье без рукавов A maternity dress – платье для беременной A suit jacket ... Читать далее...
34. Going to the DentistI went to the dentist to get a Check-up and cleaning. I Showed up at the dentist’s office a few minutes before 10. I gave the receptionist my name and told her that I had a 10 a. m. appointment. She said that the doctor Was running a little latE and that I should take ... Читать далее...
35. Great roofA rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall ... Читать далее...
36. Women seeking men«WOMEN SEEKING MEN» Classifieds 40-ish means: 48 Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever will Affectionate means: Possessive Artist means: Unreliable Average looking means: You figure this one out Beautiful means: Pathological liar Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now! Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise Contagious Smile means: ... Читать далее...
37. How to write a paper1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back ... Читать далее...
38. Tell about a haircutThe story of someone getting a haircut. Women’s version: Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute! Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking? Woman2: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut ... Читать далее...
39. Understanding Men and WomenLucy: Jeff, Here’s a question. I was Just talking to Dawn. You know, they had their first Wedding anniversary last week. Guess what her husband gave her as a present. Jeff: I don’t know. What? Lucy: He gave her a Vacuum cleaner. Jeff: Didn’t she want a vacuum cleaner? Lucy: Yes, the old one was ... Читать далее...
40. Перевод слова bathroomBathroom — ванная комната, уборная Перевод слова Bathroom fitment — сантехника hog the bathroom — занять надолго ванную и никого туда не пускать bathroom pod — санкабина The Bathroom is occupied. Ванная занята. The Bathroom’s a bit chilly. В ванной комнате прохладно. The Bathroom is up the stairs. Ванная комната вверх по лестнице. Происхождение слова ... Читать далее...