Santas Diversion

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1. Short Father ChristmasWhat do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? ... Читать далее...
2. Billy Gates writes SantaDear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you’ve had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It’s really neat how you’re able to do that year after year. I guess that’s how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you ... Читать далее...
3. An Australian ChristmasHere comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his fat away Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Water-skis on his sleigh Never have a white Christmas When you in Melbourne live Wearing hot pants on the beach When you your presents give Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his ... Читать далее...
4. Santa vs. system adminsThe similarities between Santa and System Admins 1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny. 2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal. 3. Santa seldom answers your mail. 4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he’s got, he says, «Elves make it ... Читать далее...
5. A wish for ChristmasIt is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup. He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and ... Читать далее...
6. Short Christmas jokesWhat did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter «D» ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова deliverDeliver — доставлять, разносить, передавать Перевод слова To deliver an order to smb. — отдавать приказ кому-л. to deliver letters — разносить письма to deliver services — предоставлять, оказывать услуги Deliver the package to my home. Доставьте пакет мне домой. We will Deliver them up to the police. Мы передадим их в руки полиции. After ... Читать далее...
8. Barbie and G. I. JoeA little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, «What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?» The little girl replies, «I want a Barbie and G. I. Joe.» Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, «I ... Читать далее...
9. Christmas and Hanukkah MergerContinuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having ... Читать далее...
10. Is There a Santa Claus?As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) — I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus. 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, ... Читать далее...
11. It is worth tryingA very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist’s couch, telling him how frustrated she was. «I tried to be an actress and failed,» she complained. «I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too.» ... Читать далее...
12. New FAA inspectionsWith the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus’s sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve. The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы couch doctor[couch doctor] {n.}, {slang}, {colloquial} A psychoanalyst who puts his patients on a couch following the practice established by Sigmund Freud. I didn’t know your husband was a couch doctor, I thought he was a gynecologist!...
14. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his motherA young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, «Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.» The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women ... Читать далее...
15. On Christmas morning a cop on horsebackOn Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, «Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?» The kid says, «Yeah.» The cop says, «Well, next year tell Santa to ... Читать далее...
16. Backward SantaAs a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, «And what would you like for Christmas?» The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: «Didn’t you get my E-mail?»...
17. Really torrid honeymoonAfter the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, «You know what I really feel like honey?» «Well sure,» she ... Читать далее...
18. A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatristA very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, «Doctor, I’m so depressed and lonely. I don’t have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?» «I’m sure I can,» the psychiatrist replied. «Just ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы hand out[hand out] {v.}, {informal} To give toseveral people. The teacher handed out the examination papers. At the Christmas party Santa Claus handed out the presents under thetree. Handing out free advice to all your friends will not makethem like you. Compare: GIVE OUT....
20. A talking FrogA man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, «If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.» He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, «If you kiss me and turn me back ... Читать далее...
21. Топик «День матери в Англии» (Mother’s Day in England)Словарь Possible [ˈpɒsɪb(ə)l] — возможный; To thank [θæŋk] — благодарить; Everywhere [ˈevrɪ veri] — везде, повсюду; Try to be — стараться. To honor [ˈɒnə(r)] — чествовать; Almost [ˈɔːlməʊst] — почти; America and England celebrate an wonderful holiday. It is Mother`s Day. There is almost the same holiday on the 8th March in Russia. Mother`s Day ... Читать далее...
22. Celebrations in the USAThe population of the USA is made up of people of different nationalities. Centuries ago they brought with them their native celebrations. Some holidays which are marked in the United States originated in America. The number of holidays is different in different states — from 8 in the District of Columbia to 20 in Oklahoma. ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы couch case[couch case] {n.}, {slang}, {informal} A person judged emotionally so disturbed that people think he ought to see a psychiatrist. Joe’s divorce messed him up so badly that he became a couch case....
24. Значение идиомы wolf in sheep’s clothing[wolf in sheep’s clothing] {n. phr.} A person who pretends to begood but really is bad. Mrs. Martin trusted the lawyer until sherealized that he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Mr. Black wasfooled by the salesman’s manners until he showed that he was really awolf in sheep’s clothing by selling Mr. Black a car ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы couch potato[couch potato] {n.} A person who is addicted to watching television all day. Poor Ted has become such a couch potato that we can’t persuade him to do anything....
26. Перевод слова astronautAstronaut — астронавт, космонавт Перевод слова Civilian astronaut — гражданский космонавт astronaut clothing — одежда космонавта astronaut couch — кресло космонавта astronaut-inhabited space station — пилотируемая орбитальная станция The Russians called their Astronauts cosmonauts. Русские называют своих астронавтов космонавтами....
27. Confuse Santa Claus1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask ... Читать далее...
28. The three wishesAn old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when—all of a sudden—a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. «Well, now,» says the old lady, «I guess I would like to be really ... Читать далее...
29. Santa’s Pet PeevesDepartment Store Santa Peeves 8. Kids who refuse to believe that’s fruitcake on your breath, not gin 7. When the last guy to use the beard leaves bits of his lunch in it 6. Even with the costume, people recognizing you from «Crime Watch» 5. Parents who get all uptight when you offer their kids ... Читать далее...
30. Honeymooned!A young couple from the country honeymooned at a really fancy ocean-side resort. because they knew it would be expensive, they had planned to limit their stay to just the weekend, but were just unable to leave, enjoying themselves and each other so much, and extended their stay another day. Upon checking out, the desk ... Читать далее...
31. A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossingA young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn’t have a stitch of clothing on. ... Читать далее...
32. Значение идиомы see through[see through] {v.} 1. To understand the real meaning of or reasonfor; realize the falseness of. Mother saw through Johnny’s excusesnot to go to bed on Christmas Eve. She knew he wanted to stay up tosee Santa Claus. The teacher saw through the boy’s story of havingto help at home. 2. To do until finished; ... Читать далее...
33. Delivering a babyA country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he ... Читать далее...
34. Перевод слова stayStay — оставаться, останавливаться, медлить Перевод слова To stay in bed — лежать в постели, болеть to stay with friends — гостить у друзей to stay the rise of prices — приостановить рост цен Stay where you are. Оставайся там, где находишься. Can you Stay late? Вы можете задержаться? Stay for as long as you ... Читать далее...
35. Three couples wanted to join a churchThree couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.» The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the ... Читать далее...
36. Impressing the othersA young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan. He’d been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend ... Читать далее...
37. Christmas, Hanukkah, and KwanzaaThe holidays in my family are very Diverse. Our Custom is to celebrate Christmas every year as a Religious observance, complete with Advent wreathes and Midnight Mass. Most of my In-laws observe Christmas Purely as a Secular holiday, with the focus on Exchanging gifts, stockings, A Christmas tree, and other traditional customs. There is a ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод слова beautifulBeautiful — красивый, прекрасный Перевод слова Beautiful face — прекрасное лицо beautiful landscape — красивый пейзаж beautiful scene — красивый вид What a Beautiful shot! Какой прекрасный снимок! She is so Beautiful. Она так красива. The weather was Beautiful. Была прекрасная погода. Примеры из жизни ‘You’re beautiful’ («Ты прекрасна») — популярная песня Джеймса Бланта. Происхождение ... Читать далее...
39. Новый год/ New Year’s DayНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык New Year’s Day Новый год My name is Catherine. I am fourteen years old. New Year is considered the most popular holiday in our family. At the beginning of December everybody has a festive mood. In the city the streets and shop windows are decorated with bright and ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы stay put[stay put] {v. phr.} To stay in place; not leave. Harry’s fathertold him to stay put until he came back. The rocks can be glued tothe bulletin board to make them stay put. After Grandmother camehome from her trip to visit Aunt May, she said she wanted to stay putfor a while....