Santas Diversion

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1. Billy Gates writes Santa Dear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you’ve had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It’s really neat how you’re able to do that year after year. I guess that’s how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you […]...
2. An Australian Christmas Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his fat away Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Water-skis on his sleigh Never have a white Christmas When you in Melbourne live Wearing hot pants on the beach When you your presents give Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his […]...
3. Santa vs. system admins The similarities between Santa and System Admins 1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny. 2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal. 3. Santa seldom answers your mail. 4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he’s got, he says, “Elves make it […]...
4. Short Father Christmas What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? […]...
5. Short Christmas jokes What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter “D” ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he […]...
6. Перевод слова deliver Deliver – доставлять, разносить, передавать Перевод слова To deliver an order to smb. – отдавать приказ кому-л. to deliver letters – разносить письма to deliver services – предоставлять, оказывать услуги Deliver the package to my home. Доставьте пакет мне домой. We will Deliver them up to the police. Мы передадим их в руки полиции. After […]...
7. Barbie and G. I. Joe A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?” The little girl replies, “I want a Barbie and G. I. Joe.” Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, “I […]...
8. A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, “Doctor, I’m so depressed and lonely. I don’t have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?” “I’m sure I can,” the psychiatrist replied. “Just […]...
9. Is There a Santa Claus? As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) – I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus. 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, […]...
10. Значение идиомы turn in [turn in] {v.} 1. or [hand in] To give to someone; deliver tosomeone. I want you to turn in a good history paper. When thefootball season was over, we turned in our uniforms. 2. To inform on;report. She turned them in to the police for breaking the streetlight. 3. To give in return for something. […]...
11. It is worth trying A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist’s couch, telling him how frustrated she was. “I tried to be an actress and failed,” she complained. “I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too.” […]...
12. New FAA inspections With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus’s sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve. The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and […]...
13. Значение идиомы couch doctor [couch doctor] {n.}, {slang}, {colloquial} A psychoanalyst who puts his patients on a couch following the practice established by Sigmund Freud. I didn’t know your husband was a couch doctor, I thought he was a gynecologist!...
14. A wish for Christmas It is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup. He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and […]...
15. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women […]...
16. Значение идиомы face [face] See: BLUE IN THE FACE, CUT OFF ONE’S NOSE TO SPITE ONE’SFACE, FLY IN THE FACE OF, HATCHET FACE, HIDE ONE’S FACE, IN ONE’SFACE, IN THE FACE OF, LONG FACE, LOOK IN THE EYE or LOOK IN THE FACE, MAKE A FACE, ON THE FACE OF IT, SAVE FACE, SET ONE’S FACE AGAINST, SHOOT […]...
17. Значение идиомы make a face [make a face] {v. phr.}, {informal} To twist your face; make anugly expression on your face. Theboy made a face at his teacher when she turned her back. The sickboy swallowed the medicine and made a face....
18. On Christmas morning a cop on horseback On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to […]...
19. Перевод слова beautiful Beautiful – красивый, прекрасный Перевод слова Beautiful face – прекрасное лицо beautiful landscape – красивый пейзаж beautiful scene – красивый вид What a Beautiful shot! Какой прекрасный снимок! She is so Beautiful. Она так красива. The weather was Beautiful. Была прекрасная погода. Примеры из жизни ‘You’re beautiful’ (“Ты прекрасна”) – популярная песня Джеймса Бланта. Происхождение […]...
20. Confuse Santa Claus 1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask […]...
21. Backward Santa As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?” The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”...
22. Really torrid honeymoon After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, “You know what I really feel like honey?” “Well sure,” she […]...
23. Chemistry song 11 Chemistry Wonderland Gases explode, are you listenin’ In your rest tube, silver glistens A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight Walking in a chemistry wonderland. Gone away, is the buoyancy Here to stay, is the density A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight Walking in a chemistry wonderland. In the beaker we will make lead carbonate and […]...
24. Значение идиомы look in the eye [look in the eye] or [look in the face] {v. phr.} To meet with asteady look; to face bravely or without shame. Mary looked thegangster in the eye, and he turned away without hurting her. Johnhad looked death in the face many times. We often believe a personwho looks us in the eye, but it […]...
25. The Christmas diet song ‘Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there. While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps. […]...
26. Kiss meyeah! “Kiss me,” said the young lady urgently. “Please kiss me.” But the young man turned his head away, saying, “Of course not. How can I? I’m your own brother-in-law. Hell, we shouldn’t even be lying here making love.”...
27. Celebrations in the USA The population of the USA is made up of people of different nationalities. Centuries ago they brought with them their native celebrations. Some holidays which are marked in the United States originated in America. The number of holidays is different in different states – from 8 in the District of Columbia to 20 in Oklahoma. […]...
28. A talking Frog A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back […]...
29. Значение идиомы hand out [hand out] {v.}, {informal} To give toseveral people. The teacher handed out the examination papers. At the Christmas party Santa Claus handed out the presents under thetree. Handing out free advice to all your friends will not makethem like you. Compare: GIVE OUT....
30. Значение идиомы think twice [think twice] {v.} To think again carefully; reconsider; hesitate. The teacher advised Lou to think twice before deciding to quitschool. Compare: THINK BETTER OF....
31. Значение идиомы couch case [couch case] {n.}, {slang}, {informal} A person judged emotionally so disturbed that people think he ought to see a psychiatrist. Joe’s divorce messed him up so badly that he became a couch case....
32. Значение идиомы in one’s face [in one’s face] {adv. phr.} 1. Against your face. The trickcigar blew up in the clown’s face. A cold wind was in our faces aswe walked to school. 2. In front of you. The maid slammed the doorin the salesman’s face. I told the boys that they were wrong, butthey laughed in my face. Compare: […]...
33. Значение идиомы wolf in sheep’s clothing [wolf in sheep’s clothing] {n. phr.} A person who pretends to begood but really is bad. Mrs. Martin trusted the lawyer until sherealized that he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Mr. Black wasfooled by the salesman’s manners until he showed that he was really awolf in sheep’s clothing by selling Mr. Black a car […]...
34. A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says “Look Momma, I’m a white boy.” His mother slaps him hard On the face and says “Boy, go show your Daddy.” The […]...
35. A profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatrist A profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatrist. “My life is a mess, doctor,” she began, “I am so fucking hideous that no one will associate with me, touch me, or even talk to me. Can you help?” “Why, certainly! Helping people feel much better about themselves is my area of expertise. I can start […]...
36. An Internet Christmas T’was the Internet Night Before Christmas ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hacker’s a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet. The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While visions of […]...
37. Writing a Letter of Inquiry I was Laid off from my job three months ago. Since then, I’ve been Pounding the pavement looking for another job. So far, nothing has Turned up, so I decided To take the bull by the horns and deliver Inquiry letters to every company that might have a Job opening. … Dear Ms. Smith (or […]...
38. Перевод слова astronaut Astronaut – астронавт, космонавт Перевод слова Civilian astronaut – гражданский космонавт astronaut clothing – одежда космонавта astronaut couch – кресло космонавта astronaut-inhabited space station – пилотируемая орбитальная станция The Russians called their Astronauts cosmonauts. Русские называют своих астронавтов космонавтами....
39. Значение идиомы couch potato [couch potato] {n.} A person who is addicted to watching television all day. Poor Ted has become such a couch potato that we can’t persuade him to do anything....
40. A New Life Life was so hard in Puritan New England that children who were abducted by Native Americans often refused to come back. Eunice Williams, abducted in 1704 at age 7, refused to leave the Kahnawake Mohawks despite her father’s pleas – he found she had forgotten the English language and adopted Indian clothing and hairstyle. “She […]...