Rooms in a House

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1. The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminarThe Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar. His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely terrible. «Well…» said the Engineer, «I met this blonde and turned out she was an engineer-in-training and wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to another and we ... Читать далее...
2. An Unwanted House GuestAbout a month ago, my friend Richard called me and asked if he could come Stay with me for a couple of weeks. I usually don’t like having House guests, but Richard was a good friend. He’s an artist and he was thinking about moving to L. A. He wanted to see if he could ... Читать далее...
3. Planning a Children’s PartySara: Come on! We need to buy all of the things we need for Gabriel’s party before the store closes. Paul: Are you sure we need a party? Maybe we can just have a Cake and some Party hats. Sara: Are you kidding?! We are going To pull out all the stops. We’ll have Streamers, ... Читать далее...
4. Writing a StoryXavier: How’s your Novel coming along? Sara: It’s not. I Abandoned it for now. I think I Bit off more than I can chew. Now, I’m working on a short story. Xavier: That sounds interesting. Who are the main Characters? Sara: I’m not sure yet. Character development is really important so I need to give ... Читать далее...
5. Дом моей мечты/ House of my DreamНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык House of my Dream Дом моей мечты My name is Tatyana. I am thirteen years old. My parents and I often move from town to town. Both my parents are geologists; they research the types of mineral deposits. I have lived in seven towns of Russia and I ... Читать далее...
6. Значение идиомы rain cats and dogs[rain cats and dogs] or [rain buckets] or [rain pitchforks] {v. phr.}, {informal} To rain very hard; come down in torrents. In themiddle of the picnic it started to rain cats and dogs, and everybodygot soaked. Terry looked out of the window and said, «It’s rainingpitchforks, so we can’t go out to play right now.»...
7. Hotel ReservationsI just finished a huge project at work and I needed some Down time. I decided to take a short vacation. I liked the idea of a long weekend out of town. My friend Sara offered to let me Crash at her place in San Francisco, but I decided to stay at a hotel instead. ... Читать далее...
8. ForeplayAfter the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, «Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you’re about to kill someone.» «I am!!!» Lori fumed. ... Читать далее...
9. Meeting an Out of Town FriendLucy: Hey Jeff, Have you met my friend? Jeff: No, I don’t think I have. Lucy: Well, this is my Oldest and best friend, Marlene. She’s visiting From out of town. Jeff: Hi, I’m Jeff. Marlene: Hi, iT’s nice meeting you. Jeff: How long do you plan to be in town? Marlene: I’m here for ... Читать далее...
10. An old lady lived by herself in a small houseAn old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her garden, shaved her cat and then left when he ... Читать далее...
11. A little girl came running into the house cryingA little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. «Why do you want cider?» asked Mom. «To take the pain away,» sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little ... Читать далее...
12. Allergic to CatsWhen I was little, we had a family pet. His name was Jupiter and he was a Kitten. I wanted a cat more than anything else and finally, my parents Gave in and said that we could have one. We went to the Pound and saw dozens of cats of different Breeds. We went from ... Читать далее...
13. What Not to Name Your DogEverybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog «Sex». When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said «I’d like one too.» But then I said «This is a dog.» He said he didn’t care what she looked ... Читать далее...
14. Magician and ParrotMagician and Parrot A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician ... Читать далее...
15. Ghosts in a White HouseOne night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. «George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?» Clinton asked. «Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,» advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. «Tom, ... Читать далее...
16. Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up andCharlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on him. He asked if they wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at after they went home and got ready. Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he went to see him. ... Читать далее...
17. Starting a BlogI’ve been thinking about starting a Blog for a long time now, and after talking to my friend Traver, a popular Blogger, I’ve decided To take the leap. Traver got me started with a basic Template, but I wanted To customize the blog to give it my own Flavor before Launching it. I already have ... Читать далее...
18. A mother and her son were flying Southwest AirlinesA mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, «If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?» The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, ... Читать далее...
19. This one New Yorker married himself a southern galThis one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded condom, «Oh yuck!!» she proclaimed as she ponted ... Читать далее...
20. A psychology student at a local universityA psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered «When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.» ... Читать далее...
21. At the MoviesMy friend Jim and I decided to see the latest Blockbuster this weekend. I like a good Action movie once in a while. We decided to meet at the movie theater After work. When I got the theater, I looked around and didn’t see Jim. So, I thought I would get in line to buy ... Читать далее...
22. Dining at a Restaurant I (Fast)Well, I love going out to restaurants to eat. One of the best experiences I’ve had recently was at a place here in Los Angeles called Il Fornaio. It’s an Italian restaurant in a very nice part of Beverly Hills. I don’t go there very often-I can’t really afford it, but every once in a ... Читать далее...
23. Going to a WeddingI got an Invitation in the mail last month that really surprised me. My friend Ulrich was getting married! We went to college together and he always said that he’d never get married. I guess he found his Dream girl in the end. The Church wedding was going to be at 3 p. m. and ... Читать далее...
24. Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel roomsTwo dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms. The first dwarf not only can’t get a hard-on, but all night he has to listen to the other dwarf and the other hooker grunting «One, two three, uhh…one, two three, uhh…» In the morning, the second dwarf says to the first ... Читать далее...
25. Household itemsBack in the ’70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned to his friend, and said, «Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, ‘Oh, great. Now I’ll have to ... Читать далее...
26. Farmer John had just walked into the local watering holeFarmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. «Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling ... Читать далее...
27. A little boy was excited about his first day at schoolA little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked ... Читать далее...
28. Finding a House to BuyI’m looking to buy a house and I want a Single-family home. I have been living in a Townhouse for two years and I am tired of having Common walls and very small Yards. My new house will have to have a lot more Square footage, a large Lot size, an Open floor plan, great ... Читать далее...
29. A snowballOne time in my undergrad days, it was snowing like mad out. someone decided it was time a make a snowball. then someone else suggested that we should put this snowball in this one guy’s room— nobody liked this guy— so when the word got around, half the people in our dorm section came out ... Читать далее...
30. Talking About BooksMaggie: What did you think of the book you started last week? Kurt: Oh, I liked it Well enough. Maggie: Wow, that’s a Glowing recommendation. Kurt: Well, it Started off with a bang and the Suspense in the first half was great. I Couldn’t put it down. Then, the Pace changed in the second half ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы house of ill fame[house of ill fame] or [of ill repute] {n. phr.} A bordello; abrothel. At the edge of town there is a house of ill repute run bya Madame who used to be a singer in a bar....
32. A man was walking down the street when he noticedA man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. «Grandpa, what are you doing?» he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. «Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here ... Читать далее...
33. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accidentA lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. «Now, ... Читать далее...
34. Scientists Reveal What Jesus Looked Like And It’ll Surprise YouIt’s days like this when you realise just how amazing technology can be, as scientists reveal what they believe Jesus really looked like. People often imagine Jesus with long hair, a lengthy beard and bizarrely — despite being born in the middle east — with fair skin. Has nobody questioned that at all? Besides having ... Читать далее...
35. Good AdviceI Came across some good advice while reading this week. If you’re like me, you spend most of your time thinking about all of the things that are on your «to-do‚» list and you try to figure out how you’re going to do them all. Or, sometimes, I think about things that have already happened. ... Читать далее...
36. How far to the townA unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town. A rancher rode past. «Say, friend», called out one of the men, «how far is it to the next town?» ... Читать далее...
37. Значение идиомы eat one out of house and home[eat one out of house and home] {v. phr.} 1. To eat so much as tocause economic hardship. Our teenaged sons are so hungry all thetime that they may soon eat us out of house and home. 2. To overstayone’s welcome. We love Bob and Jane very much, but after two weekswe started to feel ... Читать далее...
38. Bad Pickup LinesMy friend and I were at a restaurant waiting for our Dates to arrive. We sat at the bar and tried to Get The Bartender’s Attention to order a couple of drinks. My friend, Tanya, is very pretty. She is always being Hit on By men. So, It was no surprise that Five minutes after ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы ferret out[ferret out] {literary} or [smell out] or [sniff out] {v.} To huntor drive from hiding; to bring out into the open; search for and find. John ferreted out the answer to the question in the library. Jane smelled out the boys’ secret hiding place in the woods....
40. Summertime Vacations (Fast)I think the best summer vacation I’ve ever taken was when I went Out East a few years ago. Two of my friends and I went on a two-week road trip. At the time, I was living in St. Paul, Minnesota, in the Midwest of the United States. Anyway, we started off camping every night, ... Читать далее...