Quotes from stupid 02

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1. Quotes from stupid 03 These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. Newsreader, BBC Radio 4: “Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy.” Glenda Jackson, Channel 4 TV: “There’s nothing athletes like – or indeed hate – more than hanging around like this.” – David Coleman, BBC 1 TV “Not being in […]...
2. Quotes from stupid 01 These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. “The effects are fleeting and lingering…” – Overheard in a hallway “In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted.” – CBS reporter during the solar eclipse “A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across.” – […]...
3. Stupid sports quotes These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world. Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, “Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye.” New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:”I want to […]...
4. Перевод слова engineering Engineering – технический, инженерный, прикладной; техника, технология Перевод слова Engineering industry – машиностроение engineering data – технические данные electrical engineering – электротехника The bridge is an Engineering triumph. Мост – технический триумф. How did genetic Engineering come about? Как возникла генная инженерия? She found work with an Engineering firm. Она нашла работу с инженерной фирме....
5. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. “Now, […]...
6. Значение идиомы wide of the mark [wide of the mark] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. Far from the target orthe thing aimed at. James threw a stone at the cat but it went wideof the mark. 2. Far from the truth; incorrect. You were wide ofthe mark when you said I did it, because Bill did it. Contrast: HITTHE BULL’S-EYE, HIT […]...
7. Marriage quotes 04 A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. – Guitry Ah Mozart! He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t. – Borge Always talk to your wife while you’re making love… if there’s a phone handy. An archaeologist […]...
8. Stupid people awards It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully). The 1997 nominees are: NOMINEE No.1: [San Jose Mervcury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to […]...
9. A stupid dog While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: “What are doing here with a dog?” Bernie: “The dog came here to pray.” “Oh, come […]...
10. Marriage quotes 13 The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. – Groucho Marx The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are […]...
11. Calling in Sick to Work I was Fed up with work and wanted the day off. I decided To call in sick. I wasn’t prepared, though, to be Peppered with questions. Peter: Hello, this is Peter. Is this Magda? Magda: Yes. This is Magda. Peter: Hi, Magda. I won’t be Coming in today. I’m Not feeling well. I think I’ve […]...
12. Marriage quotes 02 Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. It is true that love is blind but marriage […]...
13. Значение идиомы mark down [mark down] {v. phr.} 1. To lower the price. The departmentstore marked down their prices on women’s sandals. 2. To give a poorgrade to a student. Peter was marked down for his numerous spellingerrors. 3. To make a written note of something. Here is my phonenumber; mark it down....
14. St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day An Australian joke… St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day when a pair of Abo’s stroll up. “Your names aren’t on today’s list… let me go and ask the Boss” he says. In God’s office he tells the Big Man all about the two Abo’s, and God tells Peter to go and […]...
15. Marriage quotes 01 Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence – a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s […]...
16. St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, “You were a good woman. I’m giving you a nice halo.” Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the Princess has a much bigger halo. Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, “St. Peter, I spent […]...
17. Small Talk at a Business Lunch James: Hello, are you Muriel Douglas? Muriel: Yes, and You must be James. It’s nice to meet you At long last. James: Yes, you too. Thanks for agreeing to meet with us about the new account. My Associate, Susan Kim, Should be here any minute. Would you like something to drink while we’re waiting? Muriel: […]...
18. Перевод слова church Church – церковь Перевод слова To consecrate a church – освящать церковь to go into the church – принимать духовный сан as poor as a church mouse – бедный, как церковная мышь The Church burnt to the ground. Церковь сгорела дотла. It sounds like the Church bells. Похоже на перезвон колоколов. The Church is seeking […]...
19. Перевод слова radio Radio – радио, радиовещание Перевод слова Broadcasting radio station – широковещательная радиостанция radio commentator – радиокомментатор radio frequency – частота радиоволн aeronautical radio station – авиационная радиостанция Turn the Radio down. Сделайте радио потише. The news was sent by Radio. Новости были переданы по радио. Is the Radio on? Радио работает?...
20. Being Reprimanded at Work Tania: What time is your meeting with Ted? James: It’s at 3:00. Why? Tania: You don’t seem worried. If I were being Accused of Misconduct and Up for disciplinary action, I’d be On edge. James: It was a Minor offense. I’m sure I’ll just get a Slap on the wrist. Tania: I heard about it […]...
21. Betting on Sports Peter: Look at this! I just won 2,000 Smackaroos! Angela: Where did you get all that money? Peter: I won it Betting on the game last night. I placed a small Wager with high Odds and won big. Angela: Wow, I always put money in the Pools at work, but I’ve never won anything like […]...
22. Accountant in Heaven An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a […]...
23. Биография Петра I Великого на английском языке. Biography of Peter the Great Peter I, or Peter the Great was one of the most outstanding rulers and reformers in Russian history. He was Tsar of Russia and became Emperor in 1721. First he rules together with his brother, Ivan, and his sister, Sofya. In 1696 he became a sole ruler. He was a healthy, lively and clever child. […]...
24. Qualifying for Heaven Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
25. Having Bad Credit Alisha: This is the second time I’ve been Turned down for a credit card in a month. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. James: Have you checked your Credit report recently? Maybe you have a bad Credit rating. Alisha: I have a full-time job with a good Income, which they can easily Verify, and […]...
26. A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
27. Buying Television and Movie Programs Cameron: What did you get for Christmas? James: I got a Box set of my favorite TV show Of all time, the McQ Files. It Contains all five Seasons of the show, Deleted scenes, and Outtakes. I can’t wait to watch it all! Cameron: Didn’t you see the entire series when it was shown on […]...
28. Stupid people stories IDIOTS & RETAIL I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was […]...
29. Truly stupid people 01 A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30,000+, and has $400.00+ in monthly payments. He’s pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to […]...
30. Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. Peter asks: “Oh dear, what happened to you?” Di answers: “I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, he looks much worse”. Half an hour later Dodi shows up and St. Peter says: “My God, you look terrible.” Dodi […]...
31. Stupid people awards 02 The 2000 Darwin awards! (15 July 1999, Alabama) A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum […]...
32. Stupid people awards 01 The Darwin Awards The long awaited 1999 Darwin “Natural Selection” Awards have been released! These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Ladies And Gentlemen… (drum roll… and envelope please)… We proudly […]...
33. Very stupid musician August, 1998, Montevideo, Uruguay Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra’s performance of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture at an outdoor children’s concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which […]...
34. True stupid stories 01 Really Stupid People Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. A company trying to […]...
35. Stupid people stories 02 Stupid people DEADHEADS A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify. THIS WOULD BE ME The judge called the […]...
36. Humor about the Stupid Irish Higgins lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, So Higgins decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. When […]...
37. Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection. The first one says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.” St. Peter says:”You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in.” The second says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands.” […]...
38. Truly stupid people 02 Top honors for “Human Projectile of the Month” go to an as-of-yet unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual “Darwin Award”. That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion. Troopers […]...
39. Stupid people fearing WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind […]...
40. True stupid stories 02 Saddam Hussein’s stockpile is deadly. The smoke from his biological weapons could mix with sulfur from his chemical weapons and create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles. The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK’d a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary […]...