Psychiatric Hotline

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1. Psychiatrist phone Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so […]...
2. Перевод слова trace Trace – след, следить, прослеживать Перевод слова Great trace – большой след comet trace – хвост кометы to trace in a full size – перевязывать по всей длине Wash them in cold water to remove all Traces of sand. Вымойте их в холодной воде, чтобы удалить все следы песка. I cannot Trace any connection to […]...
3. Describing People’s Voices Adriana: Shhh, I’m trying to listen to the radio. Ralph: How can you listen to that radio station? All of their Deejays have such funny voices. Adriana: That’s precisely why I like it. Take this guy, Kevin. He has a Deep, Husky voice that I find really Sexy. Ralph: This guy? His voice is so […]...
4. Launch the missiles It’s Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House. Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings. [President Bill] Hello! Hello! [Voice on the line] President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin just ordered the launch of all Russian missiles in a full-scale nuclear attack against the United […]...
5. Recording an Outgoing Voice Mail Message I hate the sound of my own voice. I always have. When I’m speaking to an audience, I always sound Forced and Unnatural. So when we had To set up our new Voice mail system’s Outgoing message, it took me a few Tries to get it right: “Hello, you’ve reached Martin Navra at McQ Corp. […]...
6. A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of students one night. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-speaker system. “Listen to the sound of my voice…”, he kept repeating, “the sound of my voice… every word is a command… the sound of my voice…” Pretty soon, […]...
7. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IV Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing – they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail […]...
8. Значение идиомы line [line] See: BLOW ONE’S LINES or FLUFF ONE’S LINES, CHOW LINE, DOWNTHE LINE, DRAW A LINE or DRAW THE LINE, DROP A LINE, END OF THE ROADor END OF THE LINE, FOUL LINE, GOAL LINE, GOAL LINE STAND, HOLD THELINE, HOOK, LINE AND SINKER, IN LINE, IN LINE WITH, INTO LINE, LAY ONTHE LINE or […]...
9. Short Father Christmas What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? […]...
10. Перевод слова press Press – нажимать, давить, пресс; пресса Перевод слова Wine press – виноградный пресс to press a lever – нажать на рычаг don’t press him too hard – не дави на него слишком сильно Press the pause button. Нажмите на паузу. Have the Press got a sniff yet? Пресса уже пронюхала? To cut text, Press Control […]...
11. A Management Dispute Jeannie: Have you heard about the new Management dispute? Salih: No, what’s happening? Jeannie: Well, the CEO is having problems with the head of one of the Subsidiaries. Salih: Which one? Jeannie: Lance Publishing. Apparently, the head, Bill Riker, is saying that he and the CEO differ too much in their Business philosophy and they […]...
12. I’ve never understood why women love cats I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, […]...
13. Howard had felt guilty all day long Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he’d hear that small inner voice trying to reassure him, “Howard. Don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first doctor to sleep […]...
14. Making an Emergency Medical Call Operator: Emergency operator. State your emergency. Dirk: We need an Ambulance right away. Operator: What is your name? Dirk: Dirk. Dirk Omora. Operator: Can you tell me what happened? Dirk: There was a Car accident. Operator: Where are you? Dirk: I’m not sure. I was driving in my car when I saw the Pileup. I’m […]...
15. Steven Wright on dogs The other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he’s gone. I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on […]...
16. Перевод слова voice Voice – голос, способность петь; выражать Перевод слова The compass of a voice – диапазон голоса in a decided voice – твердым голосом to voice a desire – выражать пожелание I know this Voice! Я узнаю этот голос! Sh! Keep your Voice down! Тсс! Говорите потише! His Voice deepened. Его голос стал более глубоким....
17. Перевод слова listen Listen – слушать Перевод слова To listen at the keyhole – подслушивать у двери to listen to music – слушать музыку talk-listen button – кнопка передачи-приема Don’t Listen to him! Не слушайте его! Let me have a Listen too. Дай мне тоже послушать. He was in no humour to Listen. Он был не в настроении […]...
18. Driving in Great Britain – Вождение в Великобритании Welcome to the free Tourist Information Line for visitors to Great Britain. For information on visas and immigration, please press one. For information on driving in Britain, please press two. For information on hotels, please press three. For information on public transport in Britain, please press four. To return to this menu at any time […]...
19. Making a Bet Suzanna: Hey, the Back of the line is over there. Ivan: I was here. I just Stepped out of line for a minute to get some cash. Suzanna: Yeah, right. I don’t remember you being in line Ahead of me. Ivan: Come on. Let’s do this. We’ll Flip for it. If it’s Heads, I win […]...
20. Now he’s in trouble A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, “what’s the problem officer?” To which the policeman responded, “I stopped you for running that red light behind you.” Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and […]...
21. Значение идиомы within call [within call] or [within hail] {adv. phr.} 1. Near enough to heareach other’s voices. When the two ships were within hail, theirofficers exchanged messages. Billy’s mother told him to staywithin call because supper was nearly ready. 2. In a place where youcan be reached by phone, radio, or TV and be called. The sick manwas […]...
22. Frivolous Old Gal I have become a little older since I last saw you and a few changes have come into my life. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John. Next, […]...
23. Mental Disorders Dr. Miao: At Berthiaume College, we take Mental health issues very seriously. That’s why we have so many mental health services on campus. Dean: Such as? Dr. Miao: Well, for example, there is a meeting tonight of our Support group for Anorexics and Bulimics. Tomorrow night, I’ll be speaking to a group of students about […]...
24. Santas Diversion Santas Diversion Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying “Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.” Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to […]...
25. Psychological Disorders Brett: Hi, Dr. Mollie. Could I speak to you for a few minutes? Dr. Mollie: Certainly. Have a seat. Brett: I’m really enjoying your Psychology class and I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions. Dr. Mollie: Sure, go ahead. Brett: Well, I have a friend who is Nervous all the time, […]...
26. Who keeps saying those things A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively “You’ve got great hair!” The man looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer. A minute later, he heard […]...
27. Ice fishing This guy goes ice fishing, takes out an auger and starts drilling. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: There’s no fish there. Guy goes to another spot and drills. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: There’s no fish there, either. Guy tries a third spot. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: Nope. Not there either. Guy, getting a little nervous: “Are […]...
28. Значение идиомы no matter [no matter] 1. Not anything important. I wanted to see himbefore he left but it’s no matter. 2. It makes no difference;regardless of. She was going to be a singer no matter whatdifficulties she met. He had to get the car fixed no matter howmuch it cost. No matter what you try to do, it […]...
29. Значение идиомы lay on the line [lay on the line] or [put on the line] {v. phr.}, {informal} 1. Topay or offer to pay. The sponsors had to lay nearly a milliondollars on the line to keep the show on TV. The bank is putting$5,000 on the line as a reward to anyone who catches the robber. Compare: PUT UP. 2. […]...
30. Wishful Drinking Quotes *** “Sometimes you can only find Heaven by slowly backing away from Hell.” *** “Anyway, George comes up to me the first day of filming and he takes one look at the dress and says, ‘You can’t wear a bra under that dress.’ So, I say, ‘Okay, I’ll bite. Why?’ And he says, ‘Because… there’s […]...
31. ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEETS WINDOWS95 ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEETS WINDOWS95 Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot: That’s great Lou. What did you get? Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM. Abbot: That’s terrific, Lou. Costello: But I don’t know what any […]...
32. A Workers Strike Masako: I think we should Strike. We need to force Management to listen to our Grievances. Salvador: Hold on. I think you’re being too Hasty. It’s up to our union to call a strike, not the workers. Masako: I’m not suggesting a formal strike, but we could organize a Sickout. That would send a message […]...
33. Перевод слова line Line – линия, черта, ряд Перевод слова To draw a line from A to B – провести линию от A до B a long line of low hills – длинный ряд невысоких холмов long-distance line – междугородная или международная линия Hold the Line! Не вешайте трубку! He stood second in Line. Он был вторым в […]...
34. The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman just passing and said, “Pardon me, miss, do you happen to have the time?” In a strident voice she responded, “How dare you make such a proposition to me?” The man snapped to attention in surprise and was uncomfortable […]...
35. Anybody Home? A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, “Is […]...
36. Women seeking men “WOMEN SEEKING MEN” Classifieds 40-ish means: 48 Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever will Affectionate means: Possessive Artist means: Unreliable Average looking means: You figure this one out Beautiful means: Pathological liar Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now! Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise Contagious Smile means: […]...
37. Good fortune A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG! He looks around: nobody’s there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG! So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest […]...
38. Значение идиомы draw a line [draw a line] or [draw the line] {v. phr.} 1. To think of as different. The law in this country draws a line between murder and man slaughter. Can you draw the line between a lie and a fib? 2. To set a limit to what will be done; say something cannot be done. We […]...
39. Ring, ring! *ring* *ring* “Hello?” Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated, “Hello?” “I’ll bet you want me to come into your bedroom,” a male voice whispered huskily, “…undress you, lick you from head to toe and make love to you until morning.” “Geez,” the woman replied, “you can tell all that from two […]...
40. Telemarketers go away How to Make a Telemarketer Go Away 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my […]...