Phone joke II

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1. Taking a Phone MessageI was looking forward to a quiet evening at home. As soon as I walked in the door, though, the phone rang. Paolo: Hello. Evelyn: Hi, Could I speak to Tony? Paolo: He’s not here right now. Can I take a message? Evelyn: Do you know when he’ll be back? Paolo: No, I don’t. Evelyn: ... Читать далее...
2. Phone jokeA few months ago I saw a newspaper clipping which told of a newspaper in Illinois (I think…) which ran a story warning consumers that, on such-and — such day, Illinois Bell would be «blowing the dust out of the phone lines» and that all phone owners should cover the earpiece of their phones with ... Читать далее...
3. John receives a phone callJohn receives a phone call. «Hello,» he answers. The voice on the ot other end says, «This is Susan. We met a party about 3 months ago.» John: «Hmm… Susan? about 3 months ago?» Susan: «Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got ... Читать далее...
4. Answering Machine MessagesI got two tickets to a Show at the last minute and I tried to find someone to go with me. First, I called Amanda. The phone Rang and rang and then her answering machine Picked up. «Hi, I’m not in right now. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you as soon ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова phonePhone — телефон, звонить по телефону Перевод слова Phone booth — телефонная будка to leave the phone off the hook — не повесить телефонную трубку to call smb. to the phone — пригласить кого-л. к телефону to speak on the phone — говорить по телефону Can you get the Phone? Можешь принести телефон? I’ll Phone ... Читать далее...
6. Switching Cell Phone PlansPaul: I need a new Cell phone plan. These Roaming and Overage charges are killing me! Shauna: I thought you had a good calling, Messaging, and Data plan. Paul: I do, but I’m still Going over each month. Shauna: Have you thought about a Prepaid plan? You’ll never be charged extra. Paul: That’s not an ... Читать далее...
7. Switching Cell Phone PlansPaul: I need a new Cell phone plan. These Roaming and Overage charges are killing me! Shauna: I thought you had a good calling, Messaging, and Data plan. Paul: I do, but I’m still Going over each month. Shauna: Have you thought about a Prepaid plan? You’ll never be charged extra. Paul: That’s not an ... Читать далее...
8. An Annoying Cell Phone UserCarl: I’m sorry, say that again. I couldn’t hear you Over that guy at the next table Shouting into his cell phone. Stephanie: That guy is so Rude. We’re trying to have a Leisurely conversation over a cup of coffee, and we have To out shout some Inconsiderate jerk. Carl: Do you think he realizes ... Читать далее...
9. A man answers the phone and has the followingA man answers the phone and has the following conversation: «Yes, mother, I’ve had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult — I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. «Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was ... Читать далее...
10. Being Pestered on the PhoneGisele: Our phone has been Ringing off the hook all weekend. What’s the deal? Nobu: I think it’s Jeanine. Gisele: Jeanine…Jeanine…Is that the woman you’ve been Going out with? Nobu: Yeah, it’s her. I tried To let her down easy, but she’s not Taking the hint. Gisele: I see. That’s why you’ve been Screening calls. ... Читать далее...
11. Shopping for a Cell PhoneSalesperson: Hi, Have you been helped? Greg: No, I haven’t. I’m looking for a new phone. Salesperson: Are you With our company right now? Greg: No, I’m thinking about Switching. Salesperson: Okay, let me show you our most popular phone. This one has a lot of good Features. It’s got a Camera phone, a Video ... Читать далее...
12. Shopping for a Cell PhoneSalesperson: Hi, Have you been helped? Greg: No, I haven’t. I’m looking for a new phone. Salesperson: Are you With our company right now? Greg: No, I’m thinking about Switching. Salesperson: Okay, let me show you our most popular phone. This one has a lot of good Features. It’s got a Camera phone, a Video ... Читать далее...
13. Phone keeps ringingThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Phone Won’t Stop Ringing? Here’s What You Do Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова acquaintanceAcquaintance — знакомство Перевод слова Upon further acquaintance — при более близком знакомстве to make the acquaintance of smb. — познакомиться с кем-л. to renew an acquaintance — возобновить отношения, возобновить знакомство He has some Acquaintance with statistics. Он немного знает статистику. It gave me great pleasure to make your Acquaintance. Я был очень рад ... Читать далее...
15. Annoying phone callsThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A co-worker of mine fielded phone calls from his Alumni Association every three months for about five years, ostensibly checking to see that his records were up to date, and coincidentally asking ... Читать далее...
16. College cafeteria jokeSeven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), ... Читать далее...
17. Getting Through on the PhoneI have been trying to get a meeting with the CEO of Medofact to talk about a Partnership between our company and theirs. But I’ve had a hard time trying to Get through on the phone. First, there was the phone tree. I had to go through three Menus before I got the Option to ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы leave word with[leave word with] {v. phr.} To leave a message. Hank left wordwith his secretary where he could be reached by phone while he wasaway from his office....
19. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Секретарь по телефону (Secretary Answering The Phone)»По-английски Перевод на русский Secretary: Good afternoon. Siemens Electronics. How can I help you? Секретарь: Добрый день. Сименс Электроникс. Чем могу вам помочь? Caller 1: Hello. I would like to speak to the Executive manager, please. Звонящий 1: Здравствуйте. Я хотел бы поговорить с исполнительным директором, пожалуйста. Secretary: He is not here at the moment. ... Читать далее...
20. Getting RevengeJaime: I don’t know what’s wrong with Liam lately. The guy is Short-tempered and Jumps down my throat about every little thing. Debra: [laughs] Jaime: What’s so funny? Debra: I have a feeling that he’s not getting enough sleep. Jaime: You don’t mean you and Liam… Debra: No way! It’s just that the women in ... Читать далее...
21. Outhouse jokeA few years ago some members of the infamous Dartmouth Outing Club pushed an occupied one-seat outhouse off its foundations, onto its door. The victim tried in vain for a few minutes to roll the entire building onto a different side, but soon gave up, as it was too heavy. She then was forced to ... Читать далее...
22. Man takes the ferry home from workJohn Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. ... Читать далее...
23. Practical JokeA couple was planning on getting married. Seeing how they didn’t have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided tojust go back to their new apartment after the wedding. The groom had three close friends, that were prone to committing practical jokes. One being a carpenter, the other a ordinary guy, and the ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы by turns[by turns] {adv. phr.} First one and then another in a regular way; one substituting for or following another according to a repeated plan. On the drive to Chicago, the three men took the wheel by turns. The teachers were on duty by turns. When John had a fever, he felt cold and hot by ... Читать далее...
25. Egg jokeIn a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by the hinges; across the width of the door from the ... Читать далее...
26. Recording an Outgoing Voice Mail MessageI hate the sound of my own voice. I always have. When I’m speaking to an audience, I always sound Forced and Unnatural. So when we had To set up our new Voice mail system’s Outgoing message, it took me a few Tries to get it right: “Hello, you’ve reached Martin Navra at McQ Corp. ... Читать далее...
27. An abstract jokeTwo bananas are lying on a river bank when a turd comes floating by. The turd looks over and says, «Hey! Come on in! The water’s fine!» One banana turns to the other banana and says, «Do you believe that shit?»...
28. Значение идиомы call one’s shot[call one’s shot] {v. phr.} 1. To tell before firing where a bullet will hit. An expert rifleman can call his shot regularly. The wind was strong and John couldn’t call his shots. 2. or [call the turn] To tell in advance the result of something before you do it. Mary won three games in ... Читать далее...
29. A man spoke frantically into the phoneA man spoke frantically into the phone: «My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!» «Is this her first child?» the emergency operator asked. «No, you idiot!» the man shouted. «This is her husband!»...
30. Certificate of Upgrade to Complete AssholeCertificate of Upgrade to Complete Asshole Certificate of Upgrade To Complete Asshole Is awarded to ————————————————————- In Recognition of Your Obnoxious Attitude, Ability to Piss People Off, Complete Asinine Juvenile Behavior and Total Dedication to Personal Gain Without Regard to the Many Hardships You Have Forced Upon Friends, Family, and Others During Your Lifetime, You ... Читать далее...
31. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IVVoice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing — they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail ... Читать далее...
32. Gas-tank jokeThis practical joke is hearsay. A fellow student some years ago related the following. Apparently another student was a bit of a braggar. His favourite topic was his car, and one sub-topic was the terrific gas milage (pre-metric) it got. So it began one evening. Fill up a one-gallon container of gas each night and ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы pot call the kettle black[pot call the kettle black] {informal} The person who iscriticizing someone else is as guilty as the person he accuses; thecharge is as true of the person who makes it as of the one he makes itagainst. When the commissioner accused the road builder of bribery, the contractor said the pot was calling the kettle ... Читать далее...
34. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
35. Fun with telemarketersWhat to say to a telemarketer! One of the things that has always bugged me (and I’m sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them ... Читать далее...
36. Six guys were playing poker when Smith losesSix guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, «Now, who is going to tell the wife?» They draw straws. Rippington, who ... Читать далее...
37. Three religious truthsThere are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters...
38. Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself toAlbert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, «What is your IQ?» to which the man answers, «241.» «That is wonderful!,» says Albert. «We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!» Next Albert introduces himself ... Читать далее...
39. I. R. S. phone callsThe following are actual phone calls made to I. R. S. offices across the United States. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
40. Phone songsAll of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone. Commas are pauses, and hyphens are held notes. Mary Had A Little Lamb 3212333, 222, 399, 3212333322321 or 3212333, 222, 133, 3212333322321 Jingle Bells 333, 333, 39123, 666-663333322329, 333, 333, 39123, 666-6633, 399621 Frere Jacques 1231, 1231, 369, 369, 9*9631, 9*9631, 111, 111 ... Читать далее...