Главная ⇒ 📌Jokes ⇒ Perfect customer

Perfect customer

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote, «I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?»

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, «I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. and I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you’re welcome to stay here, too.»



My free time.
My childhood.

Related topics:

  1. More neighborhood jokesThey had a ‘witchy’ old lady next door that was constantly complaining about everything and everyone in the neighborhood. After one really good round about kids and pets messing up her spotless front yard, my buddies planned what turned out to be a better joke than they originally thought. Juvenile as we all were, they ... Читать далее...
  2. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wifeA 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the ... Читать далее...
  3. The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driverThe hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very loud voice, «Free bus to the hotel Astor!» On the way to the station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, «Free bus to the hotel Astor, Free ... Читать далее...
  4. A Jewish lady named Mrs. RosenbergA Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort — one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, «Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.» The Jewish lady said, «But your sign says that you have vacancies.» ... Читать далее...
  5. Перевод слова permitPermit — пропуск, разрешение, лицензия Перевод слова Permit to work — разрешение на производство работ building permit — строительная лицензия to permit for carriage — разрешать перевозку entry permit — въездная виза Children are not Permitted in without their parents. Детей сюда без родителей не пускают. Permit me to call on you next Tuesday afternoon. ... Читать далее...
  6. Summertime Vacations (Fast)I think the best summer vacation I’ve ever taken was when I went Out East a few years ago. Two of my friends and I went on a two-week road trip. At the time, I was living in St. Paul, Minnesota, in the Midwest of the United States. Anyway, we started off camping every night, ... Читать далее...
  7. Значение идиомы bread-and-butter letter[bread-and-butter letter] {n.} A written acknowledgment of hospitality received. Jane wrote the Browns a bread-and-butter letter when she returned home from her visit to them....
  8. A customer walks into a pharmacyA customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don’t stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he ... Читать далее...
  9. It is written in the Bible!There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner. After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man. «It’s O. K.,» he replied, «it’s written in ... Читать далее...
  10. Значение идиомы night letter[night letter] {n.} A telegram sent at night at a cheaper rate anddelivered in the morning. I waited until after six o’clock in theevening before sending the telegram home because I can say more forthe same price in a night letter....
  11. Перевод слова vacationVacation — отпуск, каникулы, освобождение Перевод слова Christmas vacation — рождественские каникулы vacation of a position — уход с поста; отставка to take a vacation — брать отпуск, уходить в очередной отпуск She was away on Vacation. Она уехала в отпуск. Did you have a good Vacation? Хорошо ли вы провели отпуск? I got a ... Читать далее...
  12. A Trip to New York City(The phone rings.) Lucy: Hello. Jeff: Hey Lucy, it’s Jeff. Lucy: Hey, welcome back. How was your vacation? Jeff: Oh, it was great. The seven days in New York was a Blast. Lucy: Oh, yeah? Did you do any sightseeing or just visit with friends? Jeff: I got to do both, actually. First, I saw ... Читать далее...
  13. The Perfect Worker1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended 6 measures to complete his ... Читать далее...
  14. Fighting a Parking TicketMindy: Hey, where are you going? Eric: I’m going to Traffic court. I got a parking Ticket and I’m going to Fight it. Mindy: How much was the Fine? Eric: It was Only $40. But it’s not the money, it’s the Principle of the thing. Mindy: Why? Weren’t you parked Illegally? Eric: No, I wasn‚Aot. ... Читать далее...
  15. Writing a PostcardI was on vacation in Yosemite and I decided to send a Postcard to my friend, Elaine, who was on her own vacation in Europe. … Dear Elaine, I Arrived safely two days ago and I’m Having the time of my life. I met some nice people here and we’ve been Keeping each other company. ... Читать далее...
  16. What’s the definition of the perfect woman?Ok, I’m going to get a lot of hate mail for this one… What’s the definition of the perfect woman? She’s three feet tall, has a round hole for a mouth, and her head is flat so you can put a can on it. The sports model has pull back ears and her teeth fold ... Читать далее...
  17. A chinese detectiveA man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later he received this letter. Most Honorable Sir, You leave house, He come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb ... Читать далее...
  18. Great roofA rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall ... Читать далее...
  19. Booking Space for Business EventsRoberto: All right, we have to find Meeting rooms and a Banquet hall for the annual sales meeting and Luncheon. Do you have any ideas? Nicole: We could Hold it at a hotel as we’ve done in past years or we can try the Convention center. Roberto: The company has grown so much in the ... Читать далее...
  20. God Meets BureaucracyIn the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing at the hearing, God was asked ... Читать далее...
  21. Working in the gardenA prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: «I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?» The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: «Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! ... Читать далее...
  22. A customer sent an order to a distributorA customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, «We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.» The next day ... Читать далее...
  23. Упражнения «Сравнение времен Present Perfect — Present Perfect Continuous» (с ответами)1. Поставьте глаголы из скобок в необходимую форму. It’s still snowing. It… (snow) for hours. (Все еще идет снег. Он идет много часов.) Steve… (date) four girls this weekend. (Стив ходил на свидание с 4 девушками в эти выходные.) They… (win) two prizes so far. (Они пока выиграли 2 приза.) I… (attend) a swimming-pool for ... Читать далее...
  24. A customer walks into a restaurant and noticesA customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, «$500 if we fail to fill your order.» When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he hears an explosion of voices. The restaurant ... Читать далее...
  25. Перевод слова hotelHotel — гостиница, отель Перевод слова Hotel room — комната в гостинице hotel service — гостиничное обслуживание full hotel service — с полным обслуживанием (уборкой, бельем и т. п.) hotel bill — счет за проживание в гостинице We registered at a Hotel. Мы зарегистрировались в гостинице. Turn left after the Hotel. После отеля поверните налево. ... Читать далее...
  26. Ошибки, совершаемые при употреблении времени Present Perfect в английском языкеНаиболее распространенные ошибки Неправильно Правильно Перевод Объяснение Steven has wrote a new book. Steven has Written a new book. Стивен написал новую книгу. Необходимо использовать форму причастия прошедшего времени глагола: Wrote является формой Past Simple, Written является формой причастия прошедшего времени. Did you have seen him before? Have you seen him before? Ты видел его ... Читать далее...
  27. Staying in a Vacation RentalGeorge: I’m kind of nervous staying in a Vacation rental for the first time. Marnie: Don’t worry. Before I Booked this unit, I checked it out thoroughly. It’s Pet-friendly and Kid-friendly, and it Sleeps six, so it’ll be perfect for the whole family. George: But there won’t be the same Amenities or services as a ... Читать далее...
  28. Thank you..thank you very much!Father O’Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the ... Читать далее...
  29. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Между продавцом и покупателем (Between The Seller And The Customer)»По-английски Перевод на русский Seller: Good afternoon! May I help you? Продавец: Добрый день! Могу я Вам чем-нибудь помочь? Customer: Yes, please. I’m looking for a warm jacket of dark colour. Do you have one? Покупатель: Да, пожалуйста. Я ищу теплую куртку темного цвета. У вас есть такая? Seller: We certainly do. Come this way, ... Читать далее...
  30. Значение идиомы paint the town red[paint the town red] or [paint the town] {v. phr.}, {slang} To goout to drink and have a good time; celebrate wildly; carouse. Itwas the sailors’ first night ashore; they painted the town red. Compare: ON THE TOWN....
  31. Перевод идиомы night on the town, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: night on the town Перевод: вечер, проведенный в развлечениях, праздновании (в городе) Пример: We went out for a night on the town when we finished the project. Вечером мы отправились развлекаться, когда закончили проект....
  32. Following a Dress CodeTae: What are you doing? Why are you taking all of my clothes out of my suitcase? I just finished Packing that. Nicole: You’ve packed all of the wrong things. We’re going on a Luxury cruise and all you’ve packed are shorts and t-shirts. Tae: I’m going on vacation and I don’t have To dress ... Читать далее...
  33. Перевод слова letterLetter — письмо, буква Перевод слова Initial letter — начальная буква the letter of the law — буква закона business letter — деловое письмо registered letter — заказное письмо I burnt her Letter. Я сжег ее письмо. The Letter’s a flam. Это письмо — подделка. Your Letter of the 15th May has come to hand. ... Читать далее...
  34. Ошибки, совершаемые при употреблении времени Past Simple в английском языкеНаиболее распространенные ошибки Неправильно Правильно Перевод Объяснение I was work in London. I Worked in London. Я работал в Лондоне. В утвердительных предложениях вспомогательный глагол не используется. He worked in London? Did he work in London? Он работал в Лондоне? В вопросительных предложениях используется вспомогательный глагол. Worked he in London? Did he wrote a letter? ... Читать далее...
  35. Reading Online ReviewsMarisa: When we go to our favorite vacation Spot in two months, let’s stay at a different hotel. Oscar: I like the hotel we always stay at. It’s in a Convenient location and we’re already familiar with it. Marisa: That’s just it. It’s Tried and true, but there’s no Novelty and excitement in staying in ... Читать далее...
  36. Упражнения «Настоящее совершенное время Present Perfect» (с ответами)1. Поставьте глаголы из скобок в форму Present Perfect. Предложения могут быть утвердительные, отрицательные и вопросительные. Н-р: I never… (be) to Australia. – I have never been to Australia. (Я никогда не был в Австралии.) He… (pass) the exam? – Has he passed the exam? (Он сдал экзамен?) We just… (meet) an American actor. (Мы ... Читать далее...
  37. After spending a night at a hotel with a prostituteAfter spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table. «Thanks,» she said. «But I only charge $20.» «Twenty bucks for the entire night?» the amazed MP replied. «You can’t make a living on that.» «Oh, don’t worry,» the whore ... Читать далее...
  38. What Not to Name Your DogEverybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog «Sex». When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said «I’d like one too.» But then I said «This is a dog.» He said he didn’t care what she looked ... Читать далее...
  39. Упражнения «Сравнение времен Past Perfect — Past Perfect Continuous» (с ответами)1. Поставьте глаголы из скобок в форму Past Perfect или Past Perfect Continuous. Julia wanted to sit down as she… (stand) at work all day long. (Джулия хотела присесть, потому что она весь день на работе стояла на ногах.) She… (learn) “Eugene Onegin” by the autumn. (К осени она выучила «Евгения Онегина».) The rain stopped ... Читать далее...
  40. Упражнения «Сравнение времен Future Perfect — Future Perfect Continuous» (с ответами)1. Поставьте глагол из скобок в форму Future Perfect или Future Perfect Continuous. They… (build) the airport by April. (Они построят аэропорт к апрелю.) The speaker… (present) his project for 4 hours by 6 o’clock. (К 6 часам спикер будет представлять свой проект уже в течение 4 часов.) When I retire I… (work) here for ... Читать далее...

Perfect customer