Paying in advance

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1. Hair sprayA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...
2. Two guys are driving through Texas whenTwo guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, «Why’d you do that? The trooper says, «You’re in ... Читать далее...
3. Save the dead rabbitA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...
4. Swerve to avoid a boxDriving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain ... Читать далее...
5. A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulderA taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, «Look mate, don’t ever ... Читать далее...
6. Paying Airline FeesJustine: So that’s the plan. We drive to San Francisco, then to Portland, then to Seattle, and then to Vancouver. Howie: What? Why are we driving to Vancouver instead of flying? Justine: Haven’t you noticed all of the Fees the airlines are Tacking on these days? First, there were the fuel Surcharges and now, there ... Читать далее...
7. Dangerous Freeway DrivingI do a lot of driving in my job. You would think that driving several hours Each way would Get old really fast, but I have ways of making an Interminable drive seem much more exciting. I like to drive fast on the freeways. I usually Pass all of the slower cars by staying in ... Читать далее...
8. A couple married forty years were revisiting theA couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The woman said, «Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here forty years ago.» The guy stopped the car. His ... Читать далее...
9. An eight year old boy is walking down the road one dayAn eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. «If you get in the car,» the driver says, «I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.» The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an ... Читать далее...
10. A police officer came upon a terrible wreckA police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said «I wish you could talk.» The monkey looked up at ... Читать далее...
11. A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceA guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, «Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!» The driver of Rolls looks ... Читать далее...
12. ‘Texas’ is slang for’crazy’ in NorwayY’all already all know that Texas is known for its slang. The state is home to a slew of Southern colloquialisms as well as totally unique sayings you won’t hear anywhere else. But did you know that the word «Texas» is in itself a slang word? According to Texas Monthly, Norwegians have long used the ... Читать далее...
13. Rolls Royce vs. YugoA guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. «Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!» The driver of the Rolls looked over and ... Читать далее...
14. Back in the good ole days in TexasBack in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker kept eyeing ... Читать далее...
15. Paying for CollegeChris: Which colleges are you applying to? Marcella: None. I can’t afford to go to college. Even if I lived at home, Tuition, fees, and books are just too expensive. Chris: You could apply for Financial aid. Marcella: I don’t want to get a bunch of Loans and be In debt for the next 10 ... Читать далее...
16. A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain roadA man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road. As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled, «Pig!» The man immediately leaned out his window and replied, «Bitch!» They continue on their way and as the man rounded the next ... Читать далее...
17. I have a magical dancing duckA circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they ... Читать далее...
18. A dancing duckA circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin’ and dealin’ they ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы outback[outback] {n.} 1. The remote and uncultivated wilderness areas ofAustralia or New Zealand, with very few inhabitants. Mike andBarbara roughed it in the Australian outback for nearly two years. 2.Any remote, sparsely populated region. Tom’s old ranch in Texas isnext to an arid outback....
20. I wrote it!There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night club ahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said, «I’ve never seen you in her before.» The guy says, «Yes, I’m not from around here. I’m just passing ... Читать далее...
21. Looking for a monkey wrenchAn old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls underneath to investigate the problem. «Hmmm…muffler’s loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey Wrench.» He says. He crawls out from underneath the truck and ... Читать далее...
22. Selling war insuranceAirman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in ... Читать далее...
23. The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired modelThe limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, «Driver, I don’t have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?» The driver said, «Sure.» He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn’t get ... Читать далее...
24. It finally dawned«How did it happen?» the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. «Well, doc, 25 years ago…» «Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.» «Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone ... Читать далее...
25. Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband’s penisLorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband’s penis. She was driving down the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car travelling in the opposite direction. «Shit,» said the driver to his passenger. «What kind ... Читать далее...
26. Ten pounds of prideA Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds. «WOW!» was the response from everyone at the bar. Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, «Aren’t you ... Читать далее...
27. Blonde on blondeA blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. «What does it look like?» she finally ... Читать далее...
28. A man and his date walk into a very posh Rodeo DriveA man and his date walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier after having eaten a very expensive lunch at one of Beverly Hills most exclusive restaurants. «Show the lady your finest mink!» the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. ... Читать далее...
29. Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit toBrenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, «My husband wants me to ask you…» «I know, I know.» the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, «I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late ... Читать далее...
30. A Hit-and-Run AccidentFlora: What happened to my car?! Saul: I saw it happen. A car came around the corner and hit the back of your car. Flora: Didn’t the driver stop? Saul: No, it was Hit-and-run. The driver just Took off. He was driving like A bat out of hell. It looks like he caused some Damage. ... Читать далее...
31. Broken leg«How did it happen?» the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. «Well, doc, 25 years ago…» «Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.» «Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d ... Читать далее...
32. Appearance: Legs and Feet — Внешность: ноги и ступниAt the hospital, Bill took off his sock and pulled his trouser leg up over his knee onto his thigh. The doctor looked down at the injured foot, which was already getting bigger and changing colour. «Hm. Nasty accident,» he said. «What happened?» «A skier smashed into my foot,» explained Bill. «Oh, dear. Very nasty. ... Читать далее...
33. Taking a Test DriveMario: I’d like To test drive the new Racer. Leah: Sure, all Prospective buyers can take one of our cars for a test drive. May I see your Driver’s license? Mario: Here it is. Leah: Okay, come with me. Why don’t you get into the Driver’s seat and I’ll get into the Passenger seat? All ... Читать далее...
34. Driving home very drunkIt seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы road test[road test] {n.} 1. A test to see if you can drive a car. Jimtook the road test and got his driver’s license last week. 2. A testto see if a car works all right on the road. Most new cars aregiven road tests before they are put on the market. After herepaired the car, ... Читать далее...
36. Paying billsWalking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, «I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?» «Only one kiss per yard, » replied the smirking male clerk. «That’s fine,» replied the girl. «I’ll take ten yards.» With expectation and anticipation written all over his ... Читать далее...
37. Lost In The SnowA blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. «If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.» Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for ... Читать далее...
38. Driving school testThe following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop ... Читать далее...
39. A blonde got lost in her car in a snow stormA blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. «If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it». Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for ... Читать далее...
40. Stay over one nightA hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the ... Читать далее...