Paddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holiday

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1. A strange jigsaw puzzlePaddy gets a phone call from Murphy. «Paddy,» says Murphy, «I’ve got a problem.» «What’s the matter?» replies Paddy «Oi’ve bought a jigsaw and it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together, and I can’t find any edges.» «What’s the picture of?» asks Paddy «It’s of a big cockerel,» Murphy replies. Paddy says, «Alroight, ... Читать далее...
2. It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go lookIt’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands ... Читать далее...
3. The local priest came across Paddy who hadThe local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. «Paddy,» he said, » I’m afraid I’ll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.» «Really, Father?» slurred Paddy. «What have you done?»...
4. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he wentPaddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have ... Читать далее...
5. Irish Pub JokesMurphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, «Where are we now?» The guide said, «We’re in the great state of Texas.» «It’s a big place,» said Murphy. The ... Читать далее...
6. Paddy was picked up on a rape chargePaddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into the room. Paddy jumped forward, and screamed «That’s her! That’s her! I’d recognize her anywhere!»...
7. Humor about St. Patrick’s DayPaddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. «What’s wrong, Seamus?» Paddy asked. «Well didn’t ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?» said Seamus. «Ah, praise the Almighty!» Paddy replied with relief. «I thought I’d ... Читать далее...
8. The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminarThe Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar. His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely terrible. «Well…» said the Engineer, «I met this blonde and turned out she was an engineer-in-training and wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to another and we ... Читать далее...
9. Значение идиомы paddy wagon[paddy wagon] {n.}, {informal} A police van used for transportingprisoners to jail or the police station. The police threw thedemonstrators into the paddy wagon....
10. Irishman declares warSaddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says «Hello». The voice at the end of the phone says «Hello Mr. Hussein, it’s Paddy here. I’m just ringing to let you know that we’ve declared war on your country.» SH smiles to himself, «Come on Paddy», he says, ... Читать далее...
11. My best holiday was Bodrum holidayВ топике Мой лучший отдых был в Бодруме – я рассказываю о том, какое впечатление на меня произвел турецкий город Бодрум и отдых на море с моей девушкой. Все было очень интересно: мы увидели много красивых и древних зданий, улиц, статуй, музеев, хорошо отдохнули на пляже и побывали на концерте. Я не первый раз отдыхал ... Читать далее...
12. Humor about Ireland 2Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. «Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die.» «Shure, an’ why would he be dyin’?» asked the other. «Ah, he’s gotten so thin. You’re thin enough, and I’m thin — but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is ... Читать далее...
13. Equally qualifiedYoung man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went ... Читать далее...
14. The work qualification testMurphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy ... Читать далее...
15. Jokes about St. Patrick’s DayTwo Irishmen were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground. Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy «Jez, that look like Sean» to which Paddy replied «No Sean was taller than that» It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride ... Читать далее...
16. A package holiday or an own holiday plans? (opinion composition)В топике Какой отдых лучше: через турагентство или самостоятельное путешествие? сравниваются 2 варианта организации отдыха. Если вам нравится «прийти на все готовенькое», то выбирайте турагентство. Тому, кто не любит зависеть от всякого рода «расписаний», лучше выбрать самостоятельное путешествие. It is a well-known fact that many people use travel agency service, while others prefer to make ... Читать далее...
17. Ireland monument to Choctaw Nation finishedGot word from a reader today that a sculpture made in honor of a donation from the Choctaw Nation to the people of Ireland in 1847 has been finished and is now on display in Bailic Park in Middleton, a small town of 12,000 not far from Ireland’s southern coast in County Cork. The backstory ... Читать далее...
18. Humor about Irish Pubs(Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. «Jazus Mick…Well have to turn ... Читать далее...
19. Перевод слова holidayHoliday — праздник, отпуск, каникулы Перевод слова Popular holiday destination — популярное у туристов место, магнит для туристов holiday flag — праздничный, парадный флаг generous six weeks of annual holiday — большой ежегодный отпуск в шесть недель Holiday is a long way off. До отпуска далеко. He is Holidaying in Italy. Он проводит отпуск в ... Читать далее...
20. Jokes about Ireland 2Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. «What’s wrong, Seamus?» Joey-Jim asked. «Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?» said Seamus. «Ah, praise the Almighty!» he replied with relief. «I thought I’d ... Читать далее...
21. Clean Jokes about IrelandAn American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight — an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. «You see that, I reckon,» said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. «And now where would you be ... Читать далее...
22. Northern Ireland (2)Northern Ireland, also known as Ulster, is still a part of the United Kingdom. It is made up of six countries: Antrim, Armagh, Down, Fermanagh, Londonderry, Tyrone. One third of the population lives in and around the capital, Belfast. Belfast is also the most important port and commercial and industrial centre. Some parts of the ... Читать далее...
23. Last Minute Holiday ShoppingEvery year, I tell myself that I won’t Procrastinate in doing my holiday shopping. And, every year, I End up with a shopping list As long as your arm And about 24 hours to get it all done. Waiting until the last minute means that I have to Brave the crowds out doing their Last-minute ... Читать далее...
24. Last Minute Holiday ShoppingEvery year, I tell myself that I won’t Procrastinate in doing my holiday shopping. And, every year, I End up with a shopping list As long as your arm And about 24 hours to get it all done. Waiting until the last minute means that I have to Brave the crowds out doing their Last-minute ... Читать далее...
25. The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern IrelandGreat Britain lies on the Atlantic coast of Western Europe, separated from France by only 34 km of water. It is made up of three countries, England, Scotland and Wales. Great Britain with Northern Ireland forms the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. The capital of the United Kingdom is London, in England. ... Читать далее...
26. Murphy’s Travel LawsMurphy Laws For Frequent Flyers No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed. ... Читать далее...
27. Finding a Chinese JewSid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. «Sid,» asked Al, «are there any Jews in China?» «I don’t know,» Sid replied. «Why don’t we ask the waiter?» When the waiter came by, Al asked him, «Are there any Chinese Jews?» «I don’t know sir, let me ask,» the waiter replied, and he went ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы half-holiday[half-holiday] {n.} A day on which you get out of school or work inthe afternoon. The principal said that Tuesday would be ahalf-holiday....
29. Trapped within a bogPaddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O’Reilly wandered by. «Help!» Paddy shouted, «Oi’m sinkin’!» Don’t worry,» assured Mick. «Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi’m the strongest man in Erin, and Oi’ll pull ye right out o’ there.» Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy’s hand and pulled and pulled ... Читать далее...
30. Murphy’s Combat LawsMurphy’s Laws Of Combat Operations Friendly fire — isn’t. Recoilless rifles — aren’t. Suppressive fires — won’t. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note. A sucking chest wound is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down. If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid. Try to look unimportant; the enemy ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы fill up[fill up] or [fill it up] or [fill her up] {v. phr.} To fillentirely. . When the attendant asked Andrew how much gas he wanted in the tank, Andrew replied, «Fill her up.»...
32. Two Scotsmen met 25 years after their last get-togetherTwo Scotsmen met 25 years after their last get-together. They hugged and slapped each others back and tears formed in their eyes as they renewed their old friendship. «Let’s have a drink like we did in the old days,» the first Scot winked at his mate. «Aye,» his mate replied. «And don’t forget it’s your ... Читать далее...
33. My Favourite HolidayВ топике Мой любимый праздник – я расскажу о праздниках в нашей стране и о Новом годе – моем самом любимом празднике. Среди многих праздников (1 Мая, 8 Марта, День Независимости России, День Конституции России и многих других), больше всего я люблю Новый год, отмечаемый 31 декабря. Для меня этот праздник – долгожданный день чудес, ... Читать далее...
34. An ancient IrishmanThree Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. «Come have a look over here,» says Paddy, «it’s Michael O’Grady’s grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.» «That’s nothing», says ... Читать далее...
35. Holiday PromotionsMy boss asked me To come up with some Holiday promotion ideas so that we can make Inroads into the Gift-buying market. For us to stay competitive, our company has to increase Retail sales For this important Sales cycle. My boss is expecting some Innovative ideas from me. Since we’re an online business and not ... Читать далее...
36. Irish Religion HumorFather Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, «Do you want to go to heaven?» The man said, «I do Father.» The priest said, «Then stand over there against the wall.» Then the priest asked the second man, «Do you want to got to heaven?» «Certainly, Father,» ... Читать далее...
37. Excess holiday cheer1. You strike a match and light your nose. 2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad. 3. You hear a duck quacking and it’s you. 4. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant. 5. You refill your glass from the fish bowl. 6. You hear someone say, «Call ... Читать далее...
38. Camping holiday (opinion composition)I would think twice before going on a camping holiday. First of all, it is an occupation for a company, while I like to spend free time alone. Second, you should sleep in a tent. Personally I find it uncomfortable. Third, you can get food poisoning because of the forest food, I find it awful. ... Читать далее...
39. Clean Ireland HumorAn English man and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both ... Читать далее...
40. Little MermaidThree fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?» She replied, «no sir!» So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, «Did you like that?» «Oh, indeed I did, ... Читать далее...