One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf

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1. Religious battle golfThe Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. «Your holiness,» said one of the Cardinals, «Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.» The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held ... Читать далее...
2. When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to townWhen this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The the guy’s amazement, when ... Читать далее...
3. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accidentA lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. «Now, ... Читать далее...
4. The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinalsThe Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states, «I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news.» Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them, «Jesus ... Читать далее...
5. Pope DiesPope Dies The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon ... Читать далее...
6. Buying some golf ballsA blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro askes her what she wants. «I can’t find any green golf balls,» the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова golfGolf — гольф Перевод слова Round of golf — партия гольфа golf match — матч по гольфу devotion to golf — увлечение гольфом He is off playing Golf. Он уехал играть в гольф. He’s a real Golf fiend. Он по настоящему страстный любитель гольфа. Geoff went off to play Golf. Джефф пошел играть в гольф. ... Читать далее...
8. A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golfA fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, ... Читать далее...
9. Heavenly golfMoses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over ... Читать далее...
10. One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides toOne balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk. He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walking through the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-old boy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, «Young man, you’re much too young to smoke!» The kid ... Читать далее...
11. The Pope vs. the QueenThe Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Pope out of the corner of her mouth, «I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова SundaySunday — Воскресенье Перевод слова To stay over until Sunday — остаться до воскресенья of a Sunday — по воскресеньям Sunday school — воскресная школа We like to walk every Sunday. Нам нравится гулять каждое воскресенье. My birthday falls on Sunday. Мой день рождения попадает на воскресенье. Brian had an MRI taken Sunday. Брайану сделали ... Читать далее...
13. Once the club duffer challenged the local golf proOnce the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. «But,» said the duffer, «since you’re obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two’gotchas’.» The golf pro didn’t know what a ‘gotcha’ was, but he went along with ... Читать далее...
14. GolfA golf course Golf courses have different sizes and shapes. Most of them have 18 holes that are between a hundred and 500 metres long. If you have finished playing all 18 holes you have played a round of golf. Each hole has a starting place, called a tee. This is a small area from ... Читать далее...
15. On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope wasOn the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and said, «What’s a four — letter word ending in «unt» which means «woman»? The bishop said, «Did you try «aunt»? The Pope said, «Mmmm. Do you ... Читать далее...
16. There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the PopeThere was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death’s door, and said to her papal neighbour. ‘Father, surely you can do something about this…’ To which the Pope replied, ... Читать далее...
17. The Pope took a philosophy professorThe Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the ... Читать далее...
18. The Pope was working on a crossword puzzleThe Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He thought and thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the Cardinal next to him, «What’s a four letter word, ending in U — N — T that means ‘woman’?» The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn’t even bother to look up. ... Читать далее...
19. Definite laws of golfLAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed ... Читать далее...
20. Golf in the BedroomGolf in the Bedroom Rules of Play Each player shall provide his own equipment — normally one club and two balls. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole. ... Читать далее...
21. After church on Sunday morning, a young boyAfter church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, «Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up. «That’s okay with us,» the mother said, «But what made you decide to be a minister?» «Well,» the boy replied, «I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, ... Читать далее...
22. Incredible golf ballA golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, «Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!» The golfer, annoyed, says, «What is it?» «It’s a special golf ball,» says the salesman. «You can never lose ... Читать далее...
23. 45 or 82?Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, «We’ve been waiting a long time for you.» «What do you mean,» he replied, «I’m only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?» «45? You’re ... Читать далее...
24. The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morningThe new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking round his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes. One of the old villagers came up to him and said. «Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?» The Vicar ... Читать далее...
25. Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a specialSaddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become furious. He called the chief ... Читать далее...
26. Golf with older manA young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee ... Читать далее...
27. Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf gameBill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey, I’ve got an ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод слова angelAngel — ангел Перевод слова She is an angel — она ангел heavenly angel — небесный ангел as pure as an angel — чист как ангел An Angel came from on high. Ангел сошел с небес. He’s not a bad kid, but he’s no Angel. Он не плохой ребенок, но и не ангел. I want ... Читать далее...
29. A husband and wife were out playing golfA husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in ... Читать далее...
30. The golf courseA man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, «I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you ... Читать далее...
31. 4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV. The first one said she wanted to watch the INDY 500. The second one wanted to watch the sexy Shawn Michels on WWF. The third nun said she wanted to watch the knitting channel so she can knit some mittens for the kitchen. The fourth nun ... Читать далее...
32. ‘Missing’ woman unknowingly joins search for herselfA woman who was reported missing from an Icelandic tour unwittingly joined a search for herself. According to the Reykjavik Grapevine, a woman described as «Asian, about 160cm, in dark clothing and speaks English well» was listed as missing Saturday near the Eldgjá volcanic canyon in southern Iceland. A search continued through the weekend with ... Читать далее...
33. What to do to get golfFour married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued: First Guy: «Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.» Second Guy: ... Читать далее...
34. Перевод идиомы play something by ear / play by ear, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: play something by ear / play by ear Перевод: играть по слуху; играть на музыкальном инструменте по памяти, а не по нотным знакам Пример: Although the woman cannot read music she can play by ear and is a very good musician. Хотя женщина и не умеет читать ноты, она умеет играть по слуху, и ... Читать далее...
35. A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heavenA pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He’s stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed: «You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a snowballs chance in ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы best bib and tucker[best bib and tucker] or [Sunday best] or [Sunday go-to-meeting clothes] {n. phr.}, {informal} Best clothes or outfit of clothing. The cowboy got all dressed up in his best bib and tucker to go to the dance. Mary went to the party in her Sunday best and made a hit with the boys. Compare: GLAD ... Читать далее...
37. Charlie Sheen Once Bought 2,600+ Outfield Seats At An Angels’ Game Because He Wanted To Catch A Home Run BallCharlie Sheen has been making a bit of news this week with outlandish comments on TV and radio appearances, but his bizarre behavior is nothing new. In 1996, Sports Illustrated included a blurb in its «Scorecard» section that described Sheen’s trip to a California Angels game. Apparently, Sheen was determined to catch a home run ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод идиомы play dumb / play ignorant, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: play dumb / play ignorant Перевод: притворяться, делать вид, что не знать чего-либо; прикидываться «дурачком» Пример: I played dumb when my boss asked me if I knew about the problems with the telephone. Я сделал вид, что ничего не знаю, когда начальник спросил меня о проблемах с телефоном....
39. Fidel dies and goes to heavenFidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы play[play] See: ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY, DOUBLEPLAY, FAIR PLAY, FORCE PLAY, GAME AT WHICH TWO CAN PLAY, MAKE A PLAYFOR, TURN ABOUT IS FAIR PLAY....