One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten

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1. A man gets home early from workA man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. «What’s up?» he says. «I’m having a heart attack,» cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, ... Читать далее...
2. A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noisesA man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, «help, help, I am having a heart attack», the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run ... Читать далее...
3. HomeworkOne day, when Billy came home from school, his mom asked him how his day went. He said, «We’re learning about sexual education.» She smiled, and said, «At least he’s learning something usefull.» Billy went up to his room. A little later, Billy’s mom went up to his room to call him down to dinner. ... Читать далее...
4. Little Johnny comes home from schoolLittle Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that «Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,» and would his mother,»please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.» So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, ... Читать далее...
5. Billy Ray and Billie Bob are driving home from a partyBilly Ray and Billie Bob are driving home from a party. BR runs a red light. BB says, «Hey! What the fuck are you doing! That light was red!» BR replies, «Don’t worry, my brother does it all the time, it’s OK.» Then he does it again. BB: » Damn it, you done it again!» ... Читать далее...
6. State of Arkansas Residency ApplicationState of Arkansas Residency Application Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse’s Name: Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister ... Читать далее...
7. Billy was 14 and just started jerkin offBilly was 14 and just started jerkin off. He loved to jerk off. However, one day, his dad walked in on him while he was jerkin off! Billy was so embarrassed. He pulled up his pants as quick as he could. But, his dad already seen him. «Billy,» said his dad, «doing that will make ... Читать далее...
8. The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignmentThe CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, «We need to know that ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова living-roomLiving-room — гостиная, столовая, общая комната Перевод слова Living-room interview — интервью с имитацией домашних условий kitchen living room — кухня-столовая living room spaces — жилые помещения He squired them to the Living-room. Он проводил их в гостиную. When the Living-room door opened, he could hear the bath filling. Приоткрыв дверь гостиной, он услышал шум ... Читать далее...
10. On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-BobOn the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-Bob decided to forego a big party and treat Linda-Sue to a memorable evening at home. Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into the bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the tub by candlelight. When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he ... Читать далее...
11. Three college roommates — two females and a maleThree college roommates — two females and a male — began to argue after dinner about whose turn it was to do the dishes. «All right,» one of the girls said, «the first one to speak has to do them.» The trio retired to the living room to watch TV. When their neighbor, a school ... Читать далее...
12. Arriving home very drunkA man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: «Why don’t you be a good Samaritan and take him home.» The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles ... Читать далее...
13. Judy arrived home from her dateJudy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good time? «Oh», sighed Judy, «I had a wonderful time.» «I thought as much», her mother ... Читать далее...
14. When the boy started Kindergarten, the teacherWhen the boy started Kindergarten, the teacher asked all the children to give their first name. When she got to the little boy in the second row, he said: «I’ll give you a hint. First it’s in your hand, then it’s in your mouth, and then it’s in your tummy.» The teacher smiled and said: ... Читать далее...
15. Eating a Home-Cooked MealLouise: What’s the matter with you? Gil: I just got off the phone with my mom and she says they’re planning a welcome-home party for me next week – at a restaurant! Louise: What’s wrong with that? Gil: After Living abroad for a year, I was really looking forward to a Home-cooked meal. Louise: Why ... Читать далее...
16. A man is walking past this house when a used condomA man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock ... Читать далее...
17. A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is bakingA young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says «Look Momma, I’m a white boy.» His mother slaps him hard On the face and says «Boy, go show your Daddy.» The ... Читать далее...
18. Why I Fired My SecretaryI woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, «I’m another year older,» but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, «Happy birthday, dear.» All smiles, I ... Читать далее...
19. I think I try a nicer approachEvery night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let ... Читать далее...
20. Appropriate punishmentThrough the kitchen window a farmer’s wife sees her son coming home from school. The boy’s in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his mother says, «I saw what you did, young man! For kicking the pig ... Читать далее...
21. Sharing an ApartmentI’ve shared a two-bedroom, two-Bath apartment with my Roommate for two years. He was moving to Austin and I Posted a «Roommate wanted» Ad in the local newspaper. I got a few calls, a couple from some very Weird people. Finally, I got a call from Andrew. He seemed normal On the phone and we ... Читать далее...
22. THERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLETHERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE; GERTRUDE, SOPHIA, AND HARRIET. GERTRUDE SAID, «I THINK I’LL GO UPSTAIRS NOW AND TAKE A BATH.» SHE TOOK ALL HER CLOTHES OFF AS AS SHE WAS FILLING UP THE TUB, SHE HAD ONE FOOT IN THE TUB AND THE OTHER STILL OUTSIDE THE TUB. SHE ... Читать далее...
23. Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites herStacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, ... Читать далее...
24. At school Little Johnny was told by a classmateAt school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, «I know the whole truth.» Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by ... Читать далее...
25. Willy’s rolling down the hall of a retirement homeWilly’s rolling down the hall of a retirement home acting like he’s driving a car, an orderly turns the corner and asks Willy what he’s doing. Willy replies, «I’m going to Chicago for the weekend.» The orderly chuckles and enters Bob’s room to check on him. He catchs Bob pleasuring himself, when asked what he ... Читать далее...
26. Three different kinds of sexDid you know that once you get married, you can look forward to three different kinds of sex? First, there’s House Sex: That’s when you make love all over the house: on the floor, on the kitchen table, in the garage, anywhere, anytime — much like two crazed rabbits. Then comes Bedroom Sex: That’s when ... Читать далее...
27. Stay over one nightA hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the ... Читать далее...
28. Слова на тему дом на английском языке (лексика)Слова на тему дом с переводом » в алфавитном порядке Armchair — Кресло Attic — Чердак Balcony — Балкон Bathroom — Ванная комната Bed — Кровать Bedroom — Спальня Brick — Кирпичный Bulb — Лампочка Ceiling — Потолок Chair — Стул Closet — Шкаф для вещей Concrete — Бетонный Cooker — Плита Couch — Диван ... Читать далее...
29. My Flat (2)We have a nice flat in a new block of flats. Our flat is on the fifth floor of a nine-storied building. It has all modem conveniences: central heating, running hot and cold water, electricity, gas, a lift and a chute to carry rubbish down. We have a three-room flat which consists of a living-room, ... Читать далее...
30. I just trying to be helpfulA good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk «do you live here?» «Yep». «Would you like me to help you upstairs?» «Yep». When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked «Is this your floor?» ... Читать далее...
31. A young teenager comes home from schoolA young teenager comes home from school and asks her mother, «Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?» «Yes, dear,» replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it. «But then when ... Читать далее...
32. On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were havingOn the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed ... Читать далее...
33. Marriage quotes 15All marriages are happy — it’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control. Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn’t agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don’t love me ... Читать далее...
34. Home Is Where the Heart IsВ топике Дом там, где сердце — я хочу поделиться своими мыслями: что значит для каждого человека понятие «родной дом». Я думаю, что дом – это маленький мир, где человек живет в соответствии со своими собственными правилами, это место, где вы чувствуете комфорт, уют и надежность, и это место, куда всегда хочется вернуться. Дом — ... Читать далее...
35. Kind of awkwardA guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to fix some drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he’s looking at it, ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы open the door[open the door] {v. phr.} To allow more action or discussion; givea chance. Learning to read and write opens the door to a better joband better living conditions. Raising the tax rates will open thedoor to more help for older people. Contrast: CLOSE THE DOOR. Compare: OPEN ITS DOORS....
37. It is written in the Bible!There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner. After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man. «It’s O. K.,» he replied, «it’s written in ... Читать далее...
38. Wanting Peace and QuietAfter three days of travel and meetings, I returned to my hotel room ready for some Downtime. All I wanted was some Peace and quiet so I could get a Good night’s sleep. … [phone rings] Carl: Hello. Hotel staff: Hello, Mr. Mendez. I’m calling to welcome you to our hotel. I hope you’re finding ... Читать далее...
39. A blonde came running home to her motherA blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. «What’s wrong?» her mum, (another blonde) asked. «My boyfriend’s just dropped me!» wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. «No mum,» the blonde interrupted. «You don’t understand — I can fuck and ... Читать далее...
40. An elderly couple in a senior homeAn elderly couple in a senior’s home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys’s penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. «What’s she got that I ... Читать далее...