Appropriate punishment

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1. The real treasure An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can’t resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says, “See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a […]...
2. Punishment for Gates Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked […]...
3. Значение идиомы go halfway [go halfway] or [go halfway to meet one] or [meet one halfway] {v. phr.} To give up part of what you want or to do your share in reachingan agreement with someone. Our neighbors are willing to go halfwayto meet us and pay their share for a fence between our houses. Bobwants to make up […]...
4. Перевод идиомы for kicks, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: for kicks Идиома: for kicks разг. Перевод: для забавы, ради развлечения Пример: “What do you do for kicks?” “I play computer games.” Что ты делаешь ради развлечения? – Я играю в компьютерные игры....
5. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front […]...
6. At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by […]...
7. Значение идиомы die in one’s boots [die in one’s boots] or [die with one’s boots on] {v. phr.}, {informal} To be killed or hanged rather than die in bed. The bad men of the Old West usually died in their boots. The robber said he wanted to die with his boots on....
8. Optimist vs. pessimist A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, […]...
9. One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also […]...
10. An unfortunate situation A lovely young Jewish girl was employed by a clothing firm in New York. She and her widowed mother shared the same ambition: marriage to a wealthy man. One day she returned from work, eyes red from crying. As soon as she entered the apartment she called, “MAMA, I’m pregnant! Don’t get excited. The father […]...
11. The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off. She goes bitching to Little Johnny’s father. She comes to Little Johnny’s house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goat in the front yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father “Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now….now […]...
12. The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon” Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the […]...
13. Punishment that fits the crime Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks “why are you here?” The schnauzer responds, “I’m 17 years old. I don’t see or hear very well. I’ve been […]...
14. Значение идиомы boys will be boys [boys will be boys] Boys are only children and must sometimes get into mischief or trouble or behave too roughly. Boys will be boys and make a lot of noise, so John’s mother told him and his friends to play in the park instead of the back yard....
15. Gates gets punishment Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every […]...
16. Перевод слова kick Kick – удар, пинок Перевод слова Kicks and punches – пинки и удары кулаком a kick of a horse – удар копытом to kick up a row – устраивать скандал kick in the groin – удар в пах Mum! He’s Kicking me! Мама! Он меня пинает! He has Kicked smoking. Он бросил курить. He Kicked […]...
17. A little boy walks up to his father and says A little boy walks up to his father and says, “Dad, what does a pussy look like?” Father responds, “well son, before or after sex?” Son, “Well, before?” Father, “picture a tulip with all the petals son.” Son, “well what about after?” Father, “Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!”...
18. The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, “We need to know that […]...
19. Значение идиомы cry over spilled milk [cry over spilled milk] or [cry over spilt milk] {v. phr.}, {informal} To cry or complain about something that has already happened; be unhappy about something that cannot be helped. After the baby tore up Sue’s picture book, Sue’s mother told her there was no use crying over spilled milk. You have lost the game […]...
20. The medical student was asked four reasons The medical student was asked four reasons why mother’s milk was better for babies than cow’s milk. This is the answer he submitted: 1. It’s fresher. 2. It’s cleaner. 3. The cats can’t get to it. 4. It’s easier to take on a picnic. He also added: “It comes in such cute containers.”...
21. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,”Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.” His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, “Mother, if this […]...
22. Egg joke In a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by the hinges; across the width of the door from the […]...
23. Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment. First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next room […]...
24. Drunk orders himself a beer A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink – he could […]...
25. A small boy walks into his mothers room A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless. “Mummy, mummy, what are these?” he says, pointing to her breasts. “Well, son,” she says, “these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven.” Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two […]...
26. Значение идиомы darken one’s door [darken one’s door] or [darken the door] To appear, as in a doorway; enter someone’s home or establishment. – Used in negative imperative sentences especially with “never” and “again”. If you leave this house now, never darken my door again. After a son shamed his father by having to go to prison, the father told […]...
27. Значение идиомы kick around [kick around] {v.}, {informal} 1. To act roughly or badly to; treatbadly; bully. John likes to kick around the little boys. Mr. Jones is always kicking his dog around. Syn.: PUSH AROUND. 2. To liearound or in a place; be treated carelessly; be neglected. This oldcoat has been kicking around the closet for years. The […]...
28. A mother-daughter conversation A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she’s a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it’s like for her. Mom: So….now that you have started dating, what’s it like getting intimate with […]...
29. A panda bear walks into a restaurant A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door. The owner of the restaurant says, “Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying […]...
30. Kind of awkward A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to fix some drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he’s looking at it, […]...
31. Значение идиомы alive and kicking [alive and kicking] {adj. phr.} Very active; vigorous; full of energy. Grandpa was taken to the hospital with pneumonia, but he was discharged yesterday and is alive and kicking....
32. A dog walks into a butcher shop A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter […]...
33. Значение идиомы boot [boot] See: DIE IN ONE’S BOOTS, IN ONE’S SHOES also IN ONE’S BOOTS, LICK ONE’S BOOTS, SHAKE IN ONE’S SHOES or SHAKE IN ONE’S BOOTS, TO BOOT, TOO BIG FOR ONE’S BREECHES or TOO BIG FOR ONE’S BOOTS, YOU BET or YOU BET YOUR BOOTS....
34. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. “So, did you […]...
35. A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot for his birthday. The only problem with this parrot is its attitude due to the influence of its former owner, who is now a deceased truck driver. The parrot loves to swear up and down at everything it sees. One day the man comes home with a gorgeous […]...
36. Little Johnny comes home from school Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,” and would his mother,”please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.” So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, […]...
37. About Steve who wants to know about somethings In one day Steve came to the bathroon, when his father was washing. And Steve has seen dad’s dick and said: “Dad, what is this?” His father nervously said: “Well Steve, it’s sausage”. After week he, suddenly, has seen his mum’s cunt and said: “Mum, what is this?”. His mum: “Well, it’s a cat”. After […]...
38. Like father like son Little Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what’s going on. He tells his mother “Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better.” “Johnny you […]...
39. Punishment in hell A man dies, and he’s looking in the gates of hell. There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl. The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is with this hideous looking person. The Devil replies, “Well, John has done some bad things in his life and that’s his punishment.” […]...
40. A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and […]...