Three different kinds of sex

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1. Значение идиомы close the door [close the door] or [bar the door] or [shut the door] {v. phr.} To prevent any more action or talk about a subject. The President’s veto closed the door to any new attempt to pass the bill. Joan was much hurt by what Mary said, and she closed the door on Mary’s attempt to apologize. […]...
2. Breakfast was my idea It was George the Mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his […]...
3. Out All Night Drinking An Irishman’s been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat […]...
4. Значение идиомы closed-door [closed-door] {adj.} Away from the public; in private or in secret; limited to a few. The officers of the club held a closed-door meeting. The committee decided on a closed-door rule for the investigation. Compare: IN PRIVATE....
5. Women’s translations WOMEN’S LANGUAGE TRANSLATED Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry. We need… = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want… = You’ll pay for this later. We need to talk… = I need to complain Sure…go […]...
6. It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency, were traveling together through the midwest, when they were caught between towns during a driving snow storm. The further they went, the worse conditions got, and they finally slid off into a ditch. Fortunately there was a house quite nearby. They waded through […]...
7. Перевод слова asleep Asleep – спящий Перевод слова To be asleep – спать to fall asleep – заснуть to lull a child asleep – укачивать ребенка She was still Asleep at noon. В полдень она все еще спала. “Are you Asleep?”No, I’m awake.” “Ты спишь?”Нет, я проснулся.” She fell Asleep over her work. Она заснула за работой....
8. Значение идиомы door [door] See: AT DEATH’S DOOR, AT ONE’S DOOR, CLOSED-DOOR, CLOSE ITS DOORS, CLOSE THE DOOR or BAR THE DOOR or SHUT THE DOOR, DARKEN ONE’S DOOR, or DARKEN THE DOOR, FOOT IN THE DOOR, KEEP THE WOLF FROM THE DOOR, LAY AT ONE’S DOOR, LOCK THE BARN DOOR AFTER THE HORSE IS STOLEN, NEXT DOOR, […]...
9. Nothing but the truth A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p. m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to […]...
10. SCHEDULE OF A MAN A MAN’S SCHEDULE 1. Get up. 2. Pass gas. 3. Drink cup of black coffee. 4. Pass gas. 5. Dress, skipping shower because “alarm didn’t work”. 6. Pass gas. 7. Log on to computer to check porn site before leaving for work. Pass gas while “enjoying” favorite site. 6. Drive to work. Pass gas at […]...
11. A yard sale A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of […]...
12. The blind date had not been all that great and The blind date hadn’t been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said “Hey! You wanna see my underwear?” Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn’t wearing any. She glanced down and said, […]...
13. Значение идиомы next door [next door] {adv.} or {adj.} 1. In or to the next house orapartment. He lived next door to me. She telephoned next doorto ask about John. The house next door caught fire. 2. Veryclose. – Used with “to”. The sick man was next door to death. Printing secrets about our country’s missiles is next door […]...
14. The guide to wife translations The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need […]...
15. Stay over one night A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the […]...
16. Перевод слова outside Outside – наружная часть; снаружи, вне помещения Перевод слова It was cool outside – на улице было прохладно outside the city limits – за пределами города he locked the door on the outside – он запер дверь снаружи Can I open the door from the Outside, I wonder? Интересно, я могу открыть дверь снаружи? We […]...
17. Перевод слова hall Hall – зал, холл Перевод слова Concert hall – концертный зал dance hall – дансинг, танцевальный зал music hall – мюзик-холл lecture hall – конференц-зал, аудитория The Hall was half-empty. Зал был наполовину пуст. This Hall will seat 5000. В этом зале 5000 мест. He stopped amidmost of the Hall. Он остановился посреди зала....
18. The seven kinds of passionate women 1.The Optimist – “Yes! Yes! Yes!” 2.The Pessimist – “No! No! No!” 3.The Confused – “Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No!” 4.The Asthmatic – written rendition of gasping 5.The Sprinter – “Faster! Agh! Faster! Faster!” 6.The Religious – “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! 7.The Mathematician – “More! More! More! More!...
19. Sharing an Apartment I’ve shared a two-bedroom, two-Bath apartment with my Roommate for two years. He was moving to Austin and I Posted a “Roommate wanted” Ad in the local newspaper. I got a few calls, a couple from some very Weird people. Finally, I got a call from Andrew. He seemed normal On the phone and we […]...
20. GOD will save me The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate because the river was rising. One door they came to, the man said “GOD will save me”. The river continued to rise and he was forced to move everthing to the second floor of his house. A man in a boat came by and […]...
21. Why I Fired My Secretary I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, “I’m another year older,” but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, “Happy birthday, dear.” All smiles, I […]...
22. Значение идиомы asleep at the switch [asleep at the switch] {adj. phr.} 1. Asleep when it is one’s duty to move a railroad switch for cars to go on the right track. The new man was asleep at the switch and the two trains crashed. 2. {informal} Failing to act promptly as expected, not alert to an opportunity. When the ducks […]...
23. Перевод слова closed Closed – закрытый, замкнутый Перевод слова Closed border – закрытая граница closed season – время, когда запрещена охота closed from below – замкнутый снизу Closed for inventory. Закрыто на учет. The office is Closed on weekends. Офис закрыт по выходным. Chemistry is a Closed book to me. Химия для меня – это закрытая книга. Происхождение […]...
24. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked […]...
25. A fair offer One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his […]...
26. This rich couple were going out for the evening This rich couple were going out for the evening when the woman of the house decided to give the butler the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his night. Well, as it turned out the wife wasn’t having a good time at the […]...
27. Are YOU A HARD MAN? 1/. When reaching your sexual climax do you? A) Make low moaning sounds in her ear. b) Suck on her neck to produce a love bite. c) Shove your thumb up her arse so she screams her tits off. 2/. You’re in bed one night and she whispers “I love you”. Do you? A) Whisper […]...
28. A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy walks in the door, he notices all these […]...
29. Значение идиомы all kinds of [all kinds of] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Plenty of. People say that Mr. Fox has all kinds of money. When Kathy was sick, she had all kinds of company. Compare: GREAT DEAL....
30. A psychology student at a local university A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered “When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.” […]...
31. Pillsbury Dough Boy wanted for attempted murder A lady named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her […]...
32. Bravery boy recalls stab ordeal A nine-year-old boy has told how he went to his mother’s aid as an armed intruder tried to stab her to death in their Fife home. First Minister Alex Salmond has backed calls for Nathan Thomson, who was himself stabbed in the face, to be given a bravery award. Attacker Hugh Clark, 35, was jailed […]...
33. Love thy Neighbor The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had […]...
34. It finally happened A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, “I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I’m really curious… What does Hell look like?” So Saint Peter thought about it a […]...
35. Упражнения “Причастие I и II” (с ответами) 1. Напишите следующие глаголы в форме причастий. Причастие I Перфектное причастие I Причастие II Work Read Leave Go Laugh 2. Распределите следующие предложения по группам. The garden was full of children, laughing and shouting. (Сад был полон детей, смеющихся и кричащих.) Could you pick up the broken glass? (Ты не мог бы поднять разбитый стакан?) […]...
36. Strict school It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy “My name is Johnny Fuckhauer”. So she said “There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; […]...
37. Wife-taming method Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. […]...
38. Значение идиомы pass out [pass out] {v.}, {informal} 1. To lose consciousness; faint. Shewent back to work while she was still sick, and finally she justpassed out. Compare: GIVE OUT. 2. or {slang} [pass out cold] Todrop into a drunken stupor; become unconscious from drink. Afterthree drinks, the man passed out. 3. To die. Life came and wentweakly in […]...
39. GIRL’S CONFESSION GIRL’S CONFESSION The priest leaned closer to hear the girl’s confession. “So me and my cousin were alone in the house,” she continued, “and went up to my bedroom…” “Go on, my child,” said the priest gently. “I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand on […]...
40. Installing Windows and Doors Vern: I really think we’ve Bitten off more than we can chew. I like Do-it-yourself projects, but Installing a new window and a new door isn’t as easy as it looks. Genevive: What we don’t know, we’ll Learn as we go. Okay, we’ve removed the old window. This new Double-paned one is going to be […]...