One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother

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1. A little nine year old girl was in church with her motherA little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. «Mommy,» she said. «Can we leave now?» «No,» her mother replied. «Well, I think I have to throw up!» «Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.» ... Читать далее...
2. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girlThe wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. ... Читать далее...
3. A blonde and a brunette were talking one dayA blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him «Head and Shoulders» and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, «How do you give shoulders?»...
4. A young girl is with her dad at the barbersA young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on the floor. «Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?» asked the barber. «Don’t be so stupid, I’m only three!!» said the girl!...
5. A girl runs home to her mother cryingA girl runs home to her mother crying, «I can’t marry Joe! He’s an atheist! He doesn’t believe in God or Jesus or anything! «Don’t worry, Honey,» said her mom. «But Mom, he doesn’t even believe in Hell! «Don’t worry, Honey,» repeated her mom, «you marry him…and we’ll convince him!»...
6. Little girl walks into the bathroomA little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks «What’s that?» Her sister replies «That is my possum, sis!» The young girl replies «Oh, OK» The next day she sees her mother get out of the ... Читать далее...
7. A little girl came running into the house cryingA little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. «Why do you want cider?» asked Mom. «To take the pain away,» sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little ... Читать далее...
8. One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girlOne day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said «you don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too ... Читать далее...
9. A little girl was playing up a tree near a churchA little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and ... Читать далее...
10. A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a barA man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night. He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance. «Would you ... Читать далее...
11. A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seatedA girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: «So, where y’all from?» The New York girl said, «From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.» The ... Читать далее...
12. A family was having dinner on Mother’s DayA family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. «Nothing,» said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. «Seriously, what’s wrong?» «Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids ... Читать далее...
13. A man was walking down the street when he noticedA man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. «Grandpa, what are you doing?» he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. «Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы girl friend[girl friend] {n.}, {informal} 1. A female friend or companion. Jane is spending the night at her girlfriend’s house. 2. A boy’ssteady girl; the girl or woman partner in a love affair; girl;sweetheart. John is taking his girl friend to the dance. Contrast:BOYFRIEND....
15. A little girl was out with her GrandmotherA little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. «What are they doing, Grandma?» asked the little girl. The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, «The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.» They’re ... Читать далее...
16. A young peasant girl of fourteenA young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, «But why?» he asked. «Nothin, I just wanna ... Читать далее...
17. The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting withThe Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, «I want to be a prostitute.» The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground ... Читать далее...
18. A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughterA mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: «What does the cow say?» Child: «Moooo!» Mother: «Great! What does the cat say?» Child: «Meow.» Mother: «Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?» And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, «Bud.»...
19. One day a little boy over heard his parentsOne day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing, «You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!» The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out ... Читать далее...
20. Значение идиомы split hairs[split hairs] {v. phr.} To find and argue about small andunimportant differences as if the differences are important. Johnis always splitting hairs; he often starts an argument about somethingsmall and unimportant. Don’t split hairs about whose turn it is towash the dishes and make the beds; let’s work together and finishsooner....
21. Перевод идиомы at one sitting / in one sitting, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: at one sitting / in one sitting Перевод: за один раз, в один присест Пример: We finished the food at one sitting. Мы все съели в один присест....
22. Barry took a girl out on her first dateBarry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, «My mother told me to say no to everything.» «Well,» Barry said, «do you mind if I put my arm around you?» «No,» the girl replied. «Do you mind if I put my ... Читать далее...
23. Help the lonely childSandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all ... Читать далее...
24. Two car salesmen were sitting at the barTwo car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, «Boy, business sucks. If I don’t sell more cars this month, I’m going to lose my fucking arse.» Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away. Immediately, he apologized for his bad language. «That’s okay,» the blonde replied, «If ... Читать далее...
25. A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is bakingA young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says «Look Momma, I’m a white boy.» His mother slaps him hard On the face and says «Boy, go show your Daddy.» The ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы bear watching[bear watching] {v. phr.} 1. To be worth watching or paying attention to; have a promising future. That young ball player will bear watching. 2. To be dangerous or untrustworthy. Those tires look badly worn; they will bear watching. Compare: KEEP AN EYE ON....
27. Значение идиомы fence-sitting[fence-sitting] {n.} or {adj.} Choosing neither side. You havebeen fence-sitting for too long. It is time you made up your mind. Contrast: MAKE UP ONE’S MIND, TAKE SIDES....
28. There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffsThere were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up. While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, «God bless you children, that’s Christianity at work. May the lord bless ... Читать далее...
29. Commiting suicideA blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, «You put it around your neck!» The ... Читать далее...
30. A mother and her son were flying Southwest AirlinesA mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, «If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?» The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, ... Читать далее...
31. What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? An Italian mother says, «If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill you.» A Jewish mother says, «If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill myself.»...
32. Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinksThree women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, ... Читать далее...
33. THERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLETHERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE; GERTRUDE, SOPHIA, AND HARRIET. GERTRUDE SAID, «I THINK I’LL GO UPSTAIRS NOW AND TAKE A BATH.» SHE TOOK ALL HER CLOTHES OFF AS AS SHE WAS FILLING UP THE TUB, SHE HAD ONE FOOT IN THE TUB AND THE OTHER STILL OUTSIDE THE TUB. SHE ... Читать далее...
34. Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girlSarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. «Mommy,» she said, «I’d like you to answer one question.» «Very good,» replied her mother, «I was wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees.» «It’s not that,» said the girl. «I know all about screwing. What I would like to know is how ... Читать далее...
35. A guy was sitting in a bar when a strangerA guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked, «If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?» «Hell no!» the guy said. The stranger then asked, «If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used ... Читать далее...
36. A Girl Scout troop leaderA Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex. «Back ladies, back!» cried the leader. «There’s a very dangerous beast out there!» But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was ... Читать далее...
37. Hoffman and Puscas are bombed, watching the St. Patrick’sHoffman and Puscas are bombed, watching the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, when one of them drops his lit cigarette into a damp mattress that’s been left out on the sidewalk. The mattress starts to smoulder just as the blue-hair brigade, the Ladies’ Auxiliary, is passing by. Hoffman takes a whiff, turns to Puscas, and says, ... Читать далее...
38. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whalesA little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a ... Читать далее...
39. When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breastsIn high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no passion.. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.. I ... Читать далее...
40. This man was sitting quietly reading his paperThis man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Man: «What was that for?» Wife: «What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written ... Читать далее...