One day a little boy over heard his parents

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1. Are YOU A HARD MAN? 1/. When reaching your sexual climax do you? A) Make low moaning sounds in her ear. b) Suck on her neck to produce a love bite. c) Shove your thumb up her arse so she screams her tits off. 2/. You’re in bed one night and she whispers “I love you”. Do you? A) Whisper […]...
2. NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings […]...
3. Meeting Your Boyfriend’s/Girlfriend’s Parents Ronny: Ready? Judy: Ready as I’ll ever be. Ronny: Try To work up a little Enthusiasm about meeting my parents. Judy: It’s not them I’m worried about. It’s me. What if I don’t Pass muster? Ronny: My parents are going to love you. They’re Open-minded and Nonjudgmental people. They won’t care about anything except that […]...
4. Choice of parents – Выбор родителей There are millions possibilities in the world thousands from which may be given to one person. But we often choose from them only one or two. We have a choice since our childhood. We choose the games to play, we ask to buy this or that thing. Parents create our first choice, they influence our […]...
5. A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile […]...
6. Sneaky, sneaky Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband’s insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night – only to find a cucumber in his hand. “Is THIS”, she asked, pointing to the vegetable, “what you’ve been using on me for […]...
7. A judge asked a defendant to please stand A judge asked a defendant to please stand. “You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw.” From out in the audience a man shouted, “Lying bastard!” “Silence in the court!”, the judge shouted back to the man. He turned to the defendant and said, “You are also charged with killing a […]...
8. Diary Entries AUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. I love it here. OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red […]...
9. This businessman was walking down the sidewalk This businessman was walking down the sidewalk when a jet black van stopped by him. The guys pulled the man inside, stripped him of all his clothes till he was butt naked, threw him back outside, and then slammed the door shut taking off. Five miles later the men look outside and see the businessman […]...
10. Bank Teller Bank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account”. “Please sir”, she replies, “we can’t have language like that in here.” “Why the Fuck not?” he asked. “Sir,” Came her retort, “I must ask you to refrain from swearing.” “I […]...
11. Little Johnny catches his parents going at it Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, “Hey, Pop! What are you doin’?” His father says, “Son, I’m filling your mother’s tank.” Johnny says, “Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning.”...
12. About Steve who wants to know about somethings In one day Steve came to the bathroon, when his father was washing. And Steve has seen dad’s dick and said: “Dad, what is this?” His father nervously said: “Well Steve, it’s sausage”. After week he, suddenly, has seen his mum’s cunt and said: “Mum, what is this?”. His mum: “Well, it’s a cat”. After […]...
13. How can you tell? “Old Jethro’s next door’s a-makin’ moonshine again.” the wife told her husband. “How can you tell?” he asked. “Did you smell it?” “Nope. But a bunch of mice from over to his place came over here this morning and beat the shit out of our cats. . .”...
14. One night a man heard howls coming from his basement One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse’s confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The […]...
15. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” […]...
16. Don’t Forget! An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor […]...
17. Я и мои родители/ Me And My Parents На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Me And My Parents Я и мои родители I would like to tell you a few words about me and my parents. My name is Rita and I’m 14 years old. At the moment I study at the 8th form of a state secondary school in Krasnodar. My […]...
18. Anybody Home? A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, “Is […]...
19. There was three guys, one with a rubber There was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick, and one with a nine foot dick. The guy with the rubber dick couldn’t have sex because it wasn’t hard. The guy with the wooden dick couldn’t have sex because the other person would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with […]...
20. The difference The boy asks his dad: “What’s the difference between a ‘cunt’ and a ‘pussy’?” The dad gets a Penthouse magazine, draws a circle around a crotch and says: “Everything inside the circle is a ‘pussy’, everything outside the circle is a ‘cunt'”...
21. Man needs a turkey It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door. “Please let me in,” says the man desperately. “I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don’t come home with one.” “Okay,” says the butcher. “Let me see […]...
22. Tarantino This guy comes into a bar walks to the bartender and says” Bartender, I got a bet for you. I’ll bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a drop.” The bartender looks at the glass. It’s 3 meters away. He says……”You’re telling me you’ll bet me $300 […]...
23. Alter thanksgiving day 1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, “See mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing.” 2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught” and […]...
24. Значение идиомы have a go at [have a go at] {v. phr.}, {informal} To try, especially afterothers have tried. Bob asked Dick to let him have a go at shootingat the target with Dick’s rifle. She had a go at archery, but didnot do very well....
25. Школа моих родителей/ My Parents’ School На английском языке Перевод на русский язык My Parents’ School Школа моих родителей Once I asked my parents where and how they studied when they were children. My mother was happy to speak about her old school. Actually, she studied at the same school where my father did. They were just from parallel classes. They […]...
26. Our bright childhood 10 year old Timmy comes home from daycare and tells his mom that he thinks his babysitter is gay. “Whatever makes you think THAT?!!?” says mom. Timmy replies, “Because his dick tasted like shit!”...
27. The pro football turkey The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive […]...
28. During the World War II During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something – at least they would die laughing. The navigator went down […]...
29. Перевод слова kitchen Kitchen – кухня Перевод слова Kitchen clobber – кухонные приспособления field kitchen – полевая кухня kitchen unit – кухонный комбайн the French kitchen – французская кухня Get out of the Kitchen! Выметайся из кухни! Who messed up the Kitchen? Кто устроил беспорядок на кухне? Lock the cat in the Kitchen. Закрой кота на кухне....
30. Взаимоотношения с родителями/ Interaction With Parents На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Interaction With Parents Взаимоотношения с родителями Many children, especially teenagers, face the problems of generation gap. Parents want to protect their children from harm and sometimes go too far. In my opinion, excessive care is not the best method of education because everyone should make independent decisions and […]...
31. HOW TO COOK A TURKEY! HOW TO COOK A TURKEY! (The Thanksgiving Special) Step 1:Go buy a turkey Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) of JD Step 3: Put turkey in the oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink Step […]...
32. Перевод слова meaning Meaning – смысл, значение Перевод слова Accepted meaning – общепринятое понимание clear meaning – ясное, понятное значение to misconstrue a meaning – неправильно понимать I Cannot get at the meaning. Я не могу понять, что это значит. I sensed the real Meaning of his letter Я понял истинный смысл его письма. This word became widened […]...
33. Родители и дети/ Parents And Children На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Parents And Children Родители и дети It can’t be denied that parents are the most significant people in children’s life. Moreover they are the first people to be addressed in any troublesome situation. It should be outlined that the best qualities which every good parent should possess are […]...
34. Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on him. He asked if they wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at after they went home and got ready. Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he went to see him. […]...
35. Кем работают мои родители/ What Do My Parents Do На английском языке Перевод на русский язык What Do My Parents Do Кем работают мои родители My name is Inna and I’m 13 years old. I study at the seventh grade of a secondary school. Every day I wake up early not to miss my classes. The same can be said about my parents. They […]...
36. All Jews and six Mexicans This freelance journalist discovered Adolf Hitler was alive and well and living in South America. He managed to wrangle a ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ interview with Hitler on the condition that he was not to reveal where Hitler was living. He went to this interview, and lo and behold, yes, it was Adolf Hitler, looking very old. He […]...
37. A man and a woman are sitting next to each other A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. “My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,” she said. “What a coincidence! My wife just left me,” said the man, “she […]...
38. The approach of winter Dec. 8 5:00 p. m. – It’s starting to snow, the first of the season, and the wife and I took our buttered rum and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so beautiful. Dec. 9 – We awoke to a big […]...
39. Rich Kids on Instagram Are Revealing Their Parents’ Shadiness to Investigators Instagram posts by rich kids have led to more incriminating evidence for prosecutors about their parents’ fraud schemes, The Guardian reports. Leading cybersecurity firms told the site they have been using social media evidence to nail fraud and assets in up to 75 percent of their cases. Managing director of cybersecurity and investigations at Kroll […]...
40. Having a Temper Tantrum Alberto: What was that Ear-splitting scream?! Melissa: That little girl over there is having a Temper tantrum. Alberto: Oh, great! The movie hasn’t even started and that kid is already Acting up. Melissa: I hope she’s okay. She looks Miserable. Maybe her parents can Distract her somehow. Alberto: She’s fine. She’s just Looking for attention […]...