One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and

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1. A blonde went to the appliance store sale A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry we don’t sell […]...
2. A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it”. Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for […]...
3. A blonde came running home to her mother A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. “What’s wrong?” her mum, (another blonde) asked. “My boyfriend’s just dropped me!” wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. “No mum,” the blonde interrupted. “You don’t understand – I can fuck and […]...
4. Blonde on blonde A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally […]...
5. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think […]...
6. 51 DAYS 51 DAYS A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to th bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses […]...
7. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her “go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?” The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she […]...
8. A Blonde A Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. […]...
9. A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.” Psychiatrist: “Don’t you have a phone in your car?” Blonde: “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.” Psychiatrist: […]...
10. A blonde decides to try horseback riding A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and then horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, […]...
11. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to […]...
12. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him “Head and Shoulders” and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, “How do you give shoulders?”...
13. A blonde goes for a job interview A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. ‘So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?’ The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, ‘Ehhhh.. 22!’ The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. ‘And can you […]...
14. A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.” The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, […]...
15. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: “I don’t want to complain, but I think those […]...
16. Man posing as security guard steals $75,000 from Oklahoma Wal-Mart A man dressed as a security guard walked out of an Oklahoma Wal-Mart with $75,000 in cash, a crime that went undetected until the real security guards showed up later to transport the money, police said. The suspect walked into the Wal-Mart on Saturday in Bristow, southwest of Tulsa, dressed in clothes similar to those […]...
17. An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened […]...
18. A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day. So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed. She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes […]...
19. A young blonde woman is distraught A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband […]...
20. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Blonde#1: I can’t seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!...
21. Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: ” OOOOOhhh that looks like semen.” She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says “It feels like […]...
22. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, […]...
23. A peculiar birthday card This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards – something unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day – “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.” The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take […]...
24. A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was […]...
25. Lost In The Snow A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.” Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for […]...
26. A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into the coke machine at a large Vegas casino. She kept punching the buttons only to have happen what you’d expect. Cans of soda popped out, one after the other, and change too! After a while, she ran out of dollar bills so went and got more. Back […]...
27. A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang – but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.” “Oh Dear!” the […]...
28. Two blondes were facing each other with a lake between them Two blondes were facing each other with a lake between them. The first blonde wants to get to the other side so she yells to the otherblonde, “Hey! I want to get to the other side of the lake but I can’t swim. Please tell me how you did this!” The second blonde then says, […]...
29. A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail and our friend was stuck […]...
30. Get me something cheap After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. “That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. “Thats […]...
31. Commiting suicide A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, “You put it around your neck!” The […]...
32. A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond. “It happens to be the third most famous diamond in the whole world,” she boasted. “The first is the Hope Diamond, then comes the Kohinoor, and then comes this one, which is called Lipshitz.” “What a diamond!” “How lucky you are!” “Wait, wait, nothing […]...
33. Returning a DVD Player I bought a new DVD player last weekend. When I got home and Hooked it up, I realized that it was Defective. I Trudged back to the store to return it. Clerk: Next, please. Jeff: Hi, I bought this DVD player last Saturday and I’d like to Return it. Clerk: What’s the reason for the […]...
34. Returning a DVD Player I bought a new DVD player last weekend. When I got home and Hooked it up, I realized that it was Defective. I Trudged back to the store to return it. Clerk: Next, please. Jeff: Hi, I bought this DVD player last Saturday and I’d like to Return it. Clerk: What’s the reason for the […]...
35. The Gift After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection – a baseball bat – to the cash register. “Cash or charge?” the clerk asked. “Cash,” I snapped. […]...
36. An easy solution On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.” Not wanting to argue […]...
37. Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, “I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there.” That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, “I’ve never seen anything like that. […]...
38. Значение идиомы sales check [sales check] or [sales slip] {n.} A paper which the clerk givesthe person who bought something; a paper that shows what you bought ina store and how much you paid for it. Mrs. Smith checked the salesslip with what she bought. Mary brought the sales check when shereturned the dress so she could get her […]...
39. A drunken blonde goes into a bar A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, “Gimme a beer.” The bartender then asks, “Anheuser-Busch?” To which she replies, “Fine thanks, and how’s your cock?”...
40. This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of his car. After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, “Do you want to move to the back seat?” She replies, “NO!” Flabbergasted, he says, “Why Not?” To which she replies, “Well, I want to stay up here with […]...