Home ⇒ 📌Jokes ⇒ Neighborhood jokes

Neighborhood jokes

1) Got a neighbor that’s a real pain in the ass? Do they have a lawn? Do they have a garden that’s accessible? Yes to all the above? Great! Go out and get yourself some grass-killer and fill the suckers hose with the stuff. Then sit back and wait for them water their lawn! Nuff said?

2) Does the person that you want to get even with drink red wine? If so, have I got one for you! Get yourself some Neutral Red, a water soluble, crystalline, red dye. Mix some into the persons wine and wait for them to take a leak. (Nuetral Red comes out as red as it goes in, and people have a tendancy to get really nervous when they start pissing what they think is blood!

3) (I’m surprised nobody mentioned this one yet.) Go to a pet shop and buy a fancy looking pet collar and leash. Then, the next time you see a dead animal in the road, attach the leash and collar setup to its neck. Attach the whole thing to revengees rear bumper, making sure to toss dead animal under the

car so it won’t be seen. When revengee drives away, chances are he/she will be stopped by either a cop or a member of some animal lovers group for draggin some poor defenseless pet down the road. Either way, they are gonna have some awful quick explaining to do!

4) Last, but certainly not least, is a great stink bomb. This one takes a bit of time for preparation, so it’s not too good for spontaneous revenge. (But it’s worth the time!) Get a quart jar with a rubber seal. (Mason jars work quite well.) Pour about 1/4 to 1/2 inch of crystal Drano along with about an inch or so of warm water into the jar. Place the lid on the jar and allow the mixture to sit in a warm place for about an hour. Take the lid off and add six egg whites, (no yokes). Add a quarter cup of Methylene Blue, then fill the jar to within an inch of the top with water. Seal the jar tightly and allow to sit for four to six weeks. (I warned you it takes a while!) When the ‘bomb’ is ready to use, you can either throw it like a molitov(sp?) cocktail, or shake it up and pour the contents out, making damn sure you don’t get any on yourself. The results have to be seen, or is that smelled, to be beleived!


1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 оценок, среднее: 5.00 из 5)

Related topics:

  1. More neighborhood jokes They had a ‘witchy’ old lady next door that was constantly complaining about everything and everyone in the neighborhood. After one really good round about kids and pets messing up her spotless front yard, my buddies planned what turned out to be a better joke than they originally thought. Juvenile as we all were, they […]...
  2. Перевод слова collar Collar – воротник, ожерелье, ошейник Перевод слова Limp collar – мягкий воротничок to turn up a collar – поднять воротник white-collar job – офисная работа The dog has slipped its Collar. Собака высвободилась из ошейника. He wore a shirt with a tight-fitting Collar. Он носил рубашку с плотно застегивающимся воротником. He loosened his Collar and […]...
  3. Значение идиомы water [water] See: BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, DEEP WATER, FISH OUT OF WATER, GO THROUGH HELL AND HIGH WATER, HEADABOVE WATER, HOLD WATER, HELL AND HIGH WATER, HOT WATER, LIKE WATER, LIKE WATER OFF A DUCK’S BACK, MAKE ONE’S MOUTH WATER, OF THE FIRSTWATER, POUR OIL ON TROUBLED WATERS, THROW […]...
  4. Save the dead rabbit A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]...
  5. Значение идиомы inch [inch] See: BY INCHES, EVERY INCH, GIVE ONE AN INCH AND HE WILLTAKE A MILE, WITHIN AN ACE OF or WITHIN AN INCH OF, WITHIN AN INCH OFONE’S LIFE....
  6. Hair spray A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]...
  7. Jokes of science 01 At the physics exam: ‘Describe the universe in 200 words and give three examples.’ Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games? A: The ‘wave’. The Stanford Linear Accelerator Center was known as SLAC, until the big earthquake, when it became known as SPLAC. SPLAC? Stanford Piecewise Linear Accelerator. A student recognizes […]...
  8. Перевод слова inch Inch – дюйм, высота Перевод слова A man of inches – мужчина высокого роста square inch – квадратный дюйм inch by inch – мало-помалу, понемногу Caleb’s face fell a full Inch. Лицо Калеба вытянулось на целый дюйм. We Inched along in heavy traffic. Мы медленно двигались в плотном автомобильном потоке. Give him an Inch and […]...
  9. Georgia Jokes Georgia: We Put The “Fun” In Fundamentalist Extremism – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Georgia Jokes Q: Why does a Georgia […]...
  10. Значение идиомы within an ace of [within an ace of] {informal} or [within an inch of] {adv. phr.}Almost but not quite; very close to; nearly. Tim came within an aceof losing the election. John was within an inch of drowning beforehe was pulled out of the water. Compare: BY THE SKIN OF ONE’S TEETH....
  11. Перевод слова pour Pour – литься, лить Перевод слова To pour oil on flames – подлить масла в огонь to pour oil on the troubled waters – успокаивать, утихомиривать to pour slabs – заливать бетонное покрытие Pour me some coffee. Налейте мне кофе. Suddenly rain Poured down. Внезапно хлынул дождь. She Poured me a cup of tea. Она […]...
  12. New York Jokes New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney… – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
  13. The Road to Heaven A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to […]...
  14. Washington Jokes Washington: Help! We’re Overrun By Nerds And Slackers! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Washington: We like our state, so stay […]...
  15. Значение идиомы sailor collar [sailor collar] {n.} A large square collar like those worn bysailors. Little Timmy’s suit has a sailor collar. Mary’s blousehas a sailor collar....
  16. Taking Care of Pets Magda: Oooh, he’s so cute. When did you get him? Tony: Yesterday. I’m Training him to do Tricks. Magda: Really? Are you having any luck? Tony: No, not yet. So far, he just Lies there, but maybe he’s hungry and doesn’t have any energy to play. I’m going To feed him a few Treats and […]...
  17. Значение идиомы hot under the collar [hot under the collar] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Angry. Mary getshot under the collar if you joke about women drivers. Tom got hotunder the collar when his teacher punished him....
  18. Clean Jokes about the Irish Murphy said to his daughter, “I want you home by eleven o’clock.” She said, “But Father, I’m no longer a child!” He said, “I know, that’s why I want you home by eleven.” MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O’Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on […]...
  19. Atlanta Jokes Some quick thoughts… 1. Atlanta is comprised entirely of one way streets. The only way to get out of Downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina. 2. All directions start with, “Go down Peachtree…” and include the phrase, “When you see the Waffle House…” 3. Peachtree Street […]...
  20. Перевод слова attach Attach – прикреплять, прилагать Перевод слова To attach a stamp – наклеить марку to attach documents to a letter – приложить к письму документы to attach goods – арестовать имущество The handle is not very well Attached. Ручка плохо прикреплена. I Attached the file to the e-mail. Я прикрепил файл к электронному письму. She Attached […]...
  21. Перевод идиомы hot under the collar, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: hot under the collar Идиома: hot under the collar разг. Перевод: очень рассерженный, злой Пример: Our boss is hot under the collar today because three of the staff came late. Наш начальник сегодня очень рассержен из-за того, что трое сотрудников пришли с опозданием. It’s only a joke. Don’t get hot under the collar. Это […]...
  22. Jokes about Ireland 2 Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Joey-Jim asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” he replied with relief. “I thought I’d […]...
  23. California Jokes California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Dumb California Laws Sunshine […]...
  24. Jokes of science 03 Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side. Why did the chicken cross the road? Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads. A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender […]...
  25. Clean St. Patrick’s Day Jokes An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, “Oy vey! What a wreck!” The priest asks him, “Are you all right, Rabbi?” The Rabbi responds, “Just a little shaken.” The priest pulls a […]...
  26. Jokes of science 02 The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist’s office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. “Hmmm,” says the theorist, “That’s exactly where you’d expect to see that peak. Here’s the reason (long logical explanation follows).” In the middle of it, the experimentalist says “Wait a minute”, studies the chart for a second, and […]...
  27. Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower approached his neighbor, “Ray, may I borrow your axe?” “Not today,” Ray replied, “I have to make soup.” “What kind of excuse it that?!” demanded Joe. “Well,” confessed Ray, “I admit its a lousy excuse. But, if I don’t want to loan you my axe, one excuse is as good […]...
  28. Значение идиомы Roman collar [Roman collar] {n.} The high, plain, white collar worn by priestsand clergymen. The man with the Roman collar is the newEpiscopalian preacher. Many Protestant churches do not requiretheir ministers to wear Roman collars....
  29. Значение идиомы within an inch of one’s life [within an inch of one’s life] {adv. phr.} Until you are almostdead; near to dying. The bear clawed the hunter within an inch ofhis life. Often used after “to”. The prize fighter was beaten towithin an inch of his life....
  30. Перевод идиомы hold on a leash, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: hold on a leash Перевод: держать на поводке, держать в узде Пример: His wife holds him on a leash, he can’t do anything without her approval. Его жена держит его в узде, он ничего не может сделать без ее одобрения....
  31. Question and answer Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck! Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: […]...
  32. Перевод идиомы be dead in the water, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: be dead in the water Перевод: быть неработоспособным; быть неподвижным; не годиться, не получаться Пример: When you’re job hunting, if you don’t have a resume you’re dead in the water. Если, во время поиска работы, у вас нет резюме, у вас ничего не получится....
  33. Jokes about St. Patrick’s Day Two Irishmen were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground. Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy “Jez, that look like Sean” to which Paddy replied “No Sean was taller than that” It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride […]...
  34. Значение идиомы throw cold water on [throw cold water on] also [dash cold water on] or [pour cold wateron] {v. phr.} To discourage; say or do something to discourage. Wehad high hopes of victory but our opponents soon threw cold water onthem. Henry’s father threw cold water on his plans to go tocollege by saying he could not afford it....
  35. Leprechaun Jokes Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total”, says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, “I am a fisherman, my Dad’s […]...
  36. It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations against President Clinton. It all stems from the Paula Jones case. The spokesperson remarked that it would be impossible for a woman with a six inch nose to give a blow job to a person with a three inch dick....
  37. Значение идиомы blue collar worker [blue collar worker] {n. phr.} A manual laborer who is probably a labor union member. Because Jack’s father is a blue collar worker, Jack was so anxious to become an intellectual. Contrast: WHITE COLLAR WORKER....
  38. More dorm jokes I can’t resist a few: 1. Once you have stolen a dormmate’s room keys, the room is yours to plunder. As a variation, steal the dorm keys but reverse the lock (so the keyhole faces INTO the room); we had a mechanical engineer who got this down to about 20 seconds. Then loudly announce to […]...
  39. Some practical jokes Smaller or larger tuxedo A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo. After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either […]...
  40. Значение идиомы give one an inch, and he will take a mile [give one an inch, and he will take a mile] If you give some peoplea little or yield anything, they will want more and more; some peopleare never satisfied. I gave Billy a bite of candy and he wantedmore and more. If you give him an inch, he’ll take a mile. Thecounselor said to Jack, […]...
Neighborhood jokes
«
»