Naming the kids

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1. Naming your childThere was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was ... Читать далее...
2. A man was taking his wifeA man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, «Don’t worry, everybody ... Читать далее...
3. Giving Birth in a HospitalIt was 2 o’clock in the morning when my wife woke me up. She is eight-and-a-half months Pregnant and she told me that her Water had broken. She said that she was having Contractions and she was sure that she was In labor. I Paged our doctor and drove to the hospital. When we arrived, ... Читать далее...
4. Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physicalHillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she’s pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: «How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on ... Читать далее...
5. Take in a boarderAn elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions. «Yes,» says the Doctor, «I would advise you to take in a boarder.» A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine his wife is ... Читать далее...
6. A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a babyA young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she’s still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat ... Читать далее...
7. The Naming of JesusA group of biblical scholars were involved in a heated discussion about how Jesus of Nazareth was named. How did he become known as the Messiah, or Christ. One of the scholars argued that the name was a Greek corruption of Aramaic, and purists and fundamentalists ought to use the name Joshua. Another argued that ... Читать далее...
8. A man spoke frantically into the phoneA man spoke frantically into the phone: «My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!» «Is this her first child?» the emergency operator asked. «No, you idiot!» the man shouted. «This is her husband!»...
9. Solve Indian puzzlesAn Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made ... Читать далее...
10. A folk remedyA man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she ... Читать далее...
11. Not this timeThere was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his ... Читать далее...
12. Go to the hospitalFour expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, «Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.» «What a coincidence!» the man said with some obvious pride. «I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.» The nurse returned in a ... Читать далее...
13. A man took his wife to the doctorsA man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said «Your wife’s mind has completely gone!» To which the man replied «I’m not surprised. She’s been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!»...
14. When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longerWhen the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient’s wife ... Читать далее...
15. Appearance: Legs and Feet — Внешность: ноги и ступниAt the hospital, Bill took off his sock and pulled his trouser leg up over his knee onto his thigh. The doctor looked down at the injured foot, which was already getting bigger and changing colour. «Hm. Nasty accident,» he said. «What happened?» «A skier smashed into my foot,» explained Bill. «Oh, dear. Very nasty. ... Читать далее...
16. Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf gameBill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey, I’ve got an ... Читать далее...
17. A serious conditionA well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. «We need a fourth for poker,» said ... Читать далее...
18. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
19. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospitalThe medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, «Sol, I’m happy ... Читать далее...
20. A wonderful exerciseA neighbor of mine, Myron, in his mid-50’s, had a relatively minor heart attack, and while he was in the hospital, he complained to his cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was over. The cardiologist said, «Not true, Myron. Sex is wonderful exercise for your heart. After you get home, you should have ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова hospitalHospital — больница, госпиталь Перевод слова Mental hospital, hospital for the insane — психиатрическая больница hospital attendant — санитар больницы hospital bill — счет за лечение в больнице She works at Hospital. Она работает в больнице. Hurry them to the Hospital! Быстро отправьте их в больницу. She phoned the Hospital daily. Она звонила в больницу ... Читать далее...
22. A suitable transplantA fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says, «Can I help? Have you lost something?» «No,» says one of the doctors. «We’re about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we’re looking for ... Читать далее...
23. Where lawers come fromAn anxious woman goes to her doctor. «Doctor,» she asks nervously, «can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?» «Certainly,» replies the doctor, «Where do you think lawyers come from?»...
24. Michael Jackson and the doctorMichael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after his wife gives birth to their son. Michael says, «How long before we can have sex?» The doctor says, «At least wait until he’s walking.»...
25. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
26. Unable to attend the funeral after his father diedUnable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, «Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill.» Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring ... Читать далее...
27. A loving coupleBill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. «Bill darling,» she breathed. «I’ve got a confession to make before I go… I… I’m the one who took the $10,000 ... Читать далее...
28. The stupid questionsThe below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records. Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning? Q: What happened then? A: He told me, ... Читать далее...
29. I have a dream to be a doctorВ топике У меня есть мечта – стать врачом, я расскажу о том, почему я хочу получить медицинское образование, стать практикующим врачом и работать в больнице. В нашей семье мой дедушка и моя мама – врачи. Мой дедушка – хирург, он очень внимательно относится к своим пациентам и искренне радуется их выздоровлению. Я его очень ... Читать далее...
30. Construction Worker Hides Waldo On Site For Kids In Hospital Next DoorOne man is helping kids find a little joy. Jason Haney, a construction foreman, hides a life-size cutout he made of Where’s Waldo on site every day for kids who are staying at a hospital next door to find. «It’s just for the kids to get their minds off of things,»Haney told The Huffington Post. ... Читать далее...
31. A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boyA woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy. Her husband isn’t there, and she doesn’t want to name them without him seeing them first. But the hospital insists that the babies must be named by the end of the day. Crazy Uncle Louie overhears this and he names them (unbeknowst to the ... Читать далее...
32. A dyslexic nurseTwo doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. «She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.» said one doctor. «Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!» The ... Читать далее...
33. Перевод слова pregnantPregnant — беременная; полный смысла, важный Перевод слова Pregnant woman — беременная женщина mature pregnant cow — взрослая стельная корова pregnant years — годы, насыщенные важными событиями words pregnant with meaning — слова, полные глубокого смысла She was heavily Pregnant. Она была на последних месяцах беременности. She’s Pregnant with their first child. Она беременна их ... Читать далее...
34. There was this man in a mental hospitalThere was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. ... Читать далее...
35. A young lady had just visited her doctorA young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The ... Читать далее...
36. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girlThe wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. ... Читать далее...
37. A young girl had not been feeling wellA young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. «Young lady,» the doctor began, «you’re pregnant.» «But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.» «Well my dear,» said the doctor, «someone in that colony is ... Читать далее...
38. Eye sexA young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. «Young lady,» said the doctor, «you’re pregnant.» «But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in our colony we practise sex only with our eyes.» «Well my dear,» said the doctor, «someone in that colony is ... Читать далее...
39. Fighting Irish HumorMcNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. «It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes,» she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. «Miss,» he said, «I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get ... Читать далее...
40. Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversationTwo men met at a bar and struck up a conversation. After a while one of them said, «You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation: A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. Lately, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter ... Читать далее...