More dorm jokes

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1. Yet another dorm joke Here’s one that my roommate and myself did to a residence buddy. One morning (early) we taped together a bunch of sheets of newspaper to cover the victims doorframe. Then taped this big sheet over the doorframe which left a gap of about two or three inches between the sheet and the door. Then we […]...
2. Jokes about the Fighting Irish Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. “Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!!” “Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney. “Where are you callin’ from?” It was general question time on the “Top […]...
3. Перевод слова hardware Hardware – оборудование, аппаратура Перевод слова Hardware engineer – специалист по ЭВМ, электронщик piece of hardware – элемент конструкции hardware constraints – аппаратные ограничения They carried a vast inventory of Hardware. Они несли огромный запас оборудования. Computer Hardware becomes obsolete quickly. Компьютерное оборудование быстро устаревает. The Hardware store offers several different glues. Магазин бытовой техники […]...
4. Atlanta Jokes Some quick thoughts… 1. Atlanta is comprised entirely of one way streets. The only way to get out of Downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina. 2. All directions start with, “Go down Peachtree…” and include the phrase, “When you see the Waffle House…” 3. Peachtree Street […]...
5. Some practical jokes Smaller or larger tuxedo A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo. After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either […]...
6. Jokes of science 02 The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist’s office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. “Hmmm,” says the theorist, “That’s exactly where you’d expect to see that peak. Here’s the reason (long logical explanation follows).” In the middle of it, the experimentalist says “Wait a minute”, studies the chart for a second, and […]...
7. Clean Jokes about the Irish Murphy said to his daughter, “I want you home by eleven o’clock.” She said, “But Father, I’m no longer a child!” He said, “I know, that’s why I want you home by eleven.” MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O’Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on […]...
8. At the Movies My friend Jim and I decided to see the latest Blockbuster this weekend. I like a good Action movie once in a while. We decided to meet at the movie theater After work. When I got the theater, I looked around and didn’t see Jim. So, I thought I would get in line to buy […]...
9. Значение идиомы out of hand [out of hand] {adv. phr.} 1. Out of control. Bobby’s birthdayparty got out of hand and the children were naughty. Small puppiesoften get out of hand. 2. Suddenly, quickly without examination ofpossible truth or merit; without any consideration. – Often used after”dismiss” or “reject”. The senator rejected out of hand thecritics’ call for his resignation. […]...
10. New York Jokes New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney… – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
11. Значение идиомы inside of [inside of] {prep.} In; within; on or in an inside part of; notbeyond; before the end of. There is a broom inside of the closet. There is a label on the inside of the box. Hand your papers into me inside of three days. Contrast: OUTSIDE OF....
12. Russia Jokes What’s meant by an exchange opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet Union? It’s when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the party’s. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
13. College dorm joke Two very hot-headed people lived directly across the halls from each other. Dave got a piece of 1/2″ rope and tied their doors together with about a 6″ gap of slack. Waited until 2:30am and knocked REALLY HARD on both doors. Interesting way to wake up…having two steaming mad football jerks slamming each other’s doors […]...
14. Punishment for Gates Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked […]...
15. Did you hear about the hillbilly Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to buy a chain saw? He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day. He was back at the hardware store with the saw a couple days later complaining that it only cut one tree and that […]...
16. California Jokes California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Dumb California Laws Sunshine […]...
17. How the creators of Airplane! pulled off one of the funniest jokes we’ve ever heard Holy hell! This is one of the funniest stories we’ve heard in a long time. Ask yourself, “how far are you willing to go for a joke?” Once you’ve determined that, realize that David Zucker is willing to take it even further. First some background. David Zucker and his brother Jerry Zucker are part of […]...
18. Employee Performance Review Don: So how did your End-of-the-year review go? Becky: Oh, it was okay. I had my meeting with Mitch this morning and his Bottom line is that he thinks I need to Show more Initiative. He thinks that I need to start being more Creative. Don: Did he actually say that? Becky: Well, Not in […]...
19. German Jokes Q: How does a German eat mussels A: *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* … AUFMACHEN!!! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Q: What’s […]...
20. The barber was finishing a haircut The barber was finishing a haircut on a customer one day and started to apply some ‘Aftershave Lotion’ around his ears when the customer yelled, “Don’t put that crap on me! My wife says it smells like a French Whorehouse!” Another customer who was waiting replied, “Hey John, you can put the ‘Aftershave Lotion’ on […]...
21. The astronomy jokes NASA just disclosed details why the rover wouldn’t accept any commands. They took a picture of the rover’s built-in display which showed a windows screen and the text “press any key to continue”. It is not conclusive yet, but the NASA believes the Mars Pathfinder has found proof of life on Mars. The cd player […]...
22. Virginia Jokes Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix? – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Virginia: Please don’t confuse us […]...
23. Jokes about the Stupid Irish A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, “Fill it up, will you?”. The man says “Sorry – we’re right out of petrol.” So the man considers, and […]...
24. Chicago Jokes A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there. When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary […]...
25. Washington Jokes Washington: Help! We’re Overrun By Nerds And Slackers! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Washington: We like our state, so stay […]...
26. Перевод слова screen Screen – экран, завеса Перевод слова Fire screen – каминный экран smoke screen – дымовая завеса television screen – телевизионный экран A tall man came out from behind the Screen. Из-за перегородки вышел высокий мужчина. My test score showed on the Screen. На экране появился результат моего теста. The headlines flashed on the Screen. Заголовки […]...
27. Jokes about Dumb Irishmen The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. […]...
28. Значение идиомы line [line] See: BLOW ONE’S LINES or FLUFF ONE’S LINES, CHOW LINE, DOWNTHE LINE, DRAW A LINE or DRAW THE LINE, DROP A LINE, END OF THE ROADor END OF THE LINE, FOUL LINE, GOAL LINE, GOAL LINE STAND, HOLD THELINE, HOOK, LINE AND SINKER, IN LINE, IN LINE WITH, INTO LINE, LAY ONTHE LINE or […]...
29. College Dorm On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the […]...
30. The newly divorced woman The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a “man’s world” there. Thinking that she […]...
31. And yet another college dorm joke I have lived in several different houses with a bunch of guys. Needless to say things got pretty rowdy sometimes and many were victims of some pretty funny jokes. One of the favorites as I recall (and still is) is to go into the bathroom while the victim is taking a shower, and pour a […]...
32. Значение идиомы foul line [foul line] {n.} 1. Either of two lines separating fair from foulground in baseball. Willie hit the ball just inside the foul linefor a double. 2. A line across the upper end of a bowling alleyacross which a bowler must not step. John bowled a strike but itdidn’t count because he stepped over the foul […]...
33. Значение идиомы within bounds [within bounds] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. Inside of the boundarylines in a game; on or inside of the playing field. You must hitthe ball inside the lines of the tennis court or it will not be withinbounds. If you kick the football over a side-line, it will not bein bounds. 2. Inside of a […]...
34. Japan Jokes The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for […]...
35. Значение идиомы in reverse [in reverse] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} In a backward direction;backward. John hit the tree behind him when he put the car inreverse without looking first. The first of the year Bob did wellin school but then he started moving in reverse....
36. The Story of Micro and Mini Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing. One evening he arrived home, just as the Sun was crashing and had parked his Motorola 6800 in the main drive (he missed the 5100 bus that morning […]...
37. Значение идиомы figure on [figure on] {v.} 1. To expect and think about while making plans. We did not figure on having so many people at the picnic. Hefigured on going to town the next day. Syn.: PLAN ON. 2. To dependon; be; sure about. You can figure on him to be on time. Syn.:COUNT ON....
38. Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. “Ah, will you look at that?” One ditch digger said. “What’s our world comin’ to when men of th’ cloth are visitin’ such places?” A short time later, […]...
39. Перевод слова inside Inside – внутри, внутрь, внутренний, секретный Перевод слова To be inside – быть в помещении to go inside – войти в помещение inside information – секретные сведения the inside of the house – внутренние помещения дома Look Inside. Загляни внутрь. The door bolts from Inside. Эта дверь запирается изнутри. I happen to know the Inside. […]...
40. Going to a Concert II (Fast) My friend Ben and I have been waiting a month to see our favorite band in concert. This was the night. We were so excited. In a small Venue like the Whiskey, there wouldn’t be a Bad seat in the house. So, we get to the Whiskey really early to find Street parking and Snagged […]...