Math is turning bad

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1. There was a drunk man walking down the street turning There was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doing?” The drunk replied, “I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.” The police officer […]...
2. Перевод сленгового выражения over, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: over Перевод: используется для подчеркивание, акцентирования места, местоположения Пример: I live over on Orange Street. = I live on Orange Street. Я живу на Орандж Стрит....
3. College bar joke When I was in college our RA told us of a good one that (supposedly) some friends had pulled a couple of years earlier. These two guys made up a concoction of all kinds of left overs, semi-pureed it in a blender, and filled a hot water bottle with it. One of them took the […]...
4. Перевод слова orange Orange – апельсин; оранжевый Перевод слова Orange ribbon – оранжевая лента orange grove – апельсиновая роща to squeeze an orange – выжимать сок из апельсина Cut the Orange in half. Разрежьте апельсин пополам. Peel and section the Orange. Очистите от кожуры и разделите апельсин на дольки. The Orange curtains clash with the red furniture. Эти […]...
5. Get me something cheap After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. “That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. “Thats […]...
6. The Math Test California officials have determined that students would probably do better with math word problems, if they could relate them to real life examples. Towards that end, may I present: The City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam Name:_______________________________ Gang:___________________________ 1.Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of […]...
7. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front […]...
8. Перевод слова bottle Bottle – бутылка Перевод слова To drink a whole bottle – выпить целую бутылку to bottle a beverage – разливать напиток по бутылкам to fill a bottle – наполнить бутылку Has the baby finished her Bottle yet? Малыш уже выпил свою бутылочку? Between us, we drank three Bottles of wine. Между нами, мы выпили три […]...
9. Do the math The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?” Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”...
10. Irish math There’s these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what’s the matter. 1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is. 2nd Irishman: Oh, that’s easy, it’s 147. 1st Irishman: No no no, that […]...
11. The math one liners Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]. If parallel lines meet at infinity – infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together! Maths Teacher: Now suppose the number of sheep is x… Student: Yes sir, but what happens if the number of sheep is not x? Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences. […]...
12. Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. “If I gave you $20,” the teacher began,” and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?” “An orgy,” Johnny answered....
13. Значение идиомы pull one’s leg [pull one’s leg] {v. phr.}, {informal} To get someone to accept aridiculous story as true; fool someone with a humorous account ofsomething; trick. For a moment, I actually believed that his wifehad royal blood. Then I realized he was pulling my leg. Westerncowboys loved to pull a stranger’s leg. Compare: STRING ALONG. -[leg-pulling] {n.} Strangers […]...
14. Перевод слова inside Inside – внутри, внутрь, внутренний, секретный Перевод слова To be inside – быть в помещении to go inside – войти в помещение inside information – секретные сведения the inside of the house – внутренние помещения дома Look Inside. Загляни внутрь. The door bolts from Inside. Эта дверь запирается изнутри. I happen to know the Inside. […]...
15. How to Hunt Elephants – Math style Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students. Sent by Alex...
16. Anti-drugs Campaign – Антинаркотическая кампания World’s drug problem is growing. The highest increase in drug use is among teenagers. How can they be convinced to stop? Last year, the number of teenagers who had tried drugs was 6 % in Greece, 15 % in France and 30 % in Britain. Statistics show that drug use by teenagers has doubled since […]...
17. Значение идиомы inside out [inside out] {adv.} 1. So that the inside is turned outside. Mother turns the stockings inside out when she washes them. 2. or[inside and out] also [in and out] In every part; throughout;completely. David knows the parts of his bicycle inside out. Wesearched the house inside and out for the kitten. Compare: BACKWARDSAND FORWARDS, INS […]...
18. The Unsolvable Math Problem A student mistook examples of unsolved math problems for a homework assignment and solved them. EXAMPLE: A young college student was working hard in an upper-level math course, for fear that he would be unable to pass. On the night before the final, he studied so long that he overslept the morning of the test. […]...
19. The Eighteen Bottles I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else… I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with […]...
20. Значение идиомы inside of [inside of] {prep.} In; within; on or in an inside part of; notbeyond; before the end of. There is a broom inside of the closet. There is a label on the inside of the box. Hand your papers into me inside of three days. Contrast: OUTSIDE OF....
21. Drugs – Наркотики More people are abusing drugs today than in any other time in history of mankind, and many of those people are youth. Understanding what drugs are is fundamental for understanding their potential abuse. Drugs are a psychoactive substance. A psychoactive substance is something that people take to change the way they feel, think or behave. […]...
22. At the Pharmacy I went to the Drugstore down the street To fill a prescription at the Pharmacy. I have had some problems with my arm and the doctor prescribed for me a new Medication. I waited in line and when it was my turn, I handed the prescription to the Pharmacist. She told me to come back […]...
23. On a very cold winter night On a very cold winter night, three homeless men huddled up close to keep warm. In the morning, the guy on the right says, “I had a dream that someone was pulling on my dick.” The guy on the left says, “I also had a dream that someone was pulling on my dick.” “The guy […]...
24. Перевод слова clear Clear – светлый, ясный, прозрачный Перевод слова Clear glass – прозрачное стекло clear day – ясный день clear conclusion – ясный вывод Clear this with the boss. Согласуй это с шефом. I get a Clear £50 a week. Я получаю £50 в неделю чистыми. A good walk might Clear my head. Хорошая прогулка может прочистить […]...
25. Driving home very drunk It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before […]...
26. Nicolas Cage on Turning Down ‘Dumb & Dumber,’ Winning Another Oscar and the Movie that Made Him Change His Name While promoting “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengence,” the actor discussed his former friendship with Jim Carrey, and why he hated making “Fast Times At Ridgemont High.” Nicolas Cage may be known for his tough-guy roles in action films like Face/Off, Gone in Sixty Seconds and National Treasure. But, if things had gone differently, he may […]...
27. He is extremely drunk Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. “Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven […]...
28. An offense Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. “Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven […]...
29. Значение идиомы crack a bottle [crack a bottle] {v. phr.} To open a new bottle of alcoholic beverage. On birthdays it is customary to crack a bottle and offer one’s best wishes....
30. A policeman was patrolling near midnight A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He […]...
31. A substitute for women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked his friend. The first guy replies, “Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...
32. Diary Entries AUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. I love it here. OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red […]...
33. Значение идиомы inside track [inside track] {n. phr.} 1. The inside, shortest distance around acurved racetrack; the place that is closest to the inside fence. Abig white horse had the inside track at the start of the race. 2.{informal} An advantage due to special connections or information. I would probably get that job if I could get the inside […]...
34. Alcohol vs Women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked the other. The first guy replies, “Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...
35. After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. “Don’t worry,” he said, “Just take this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow.” So he went home feeling […]...
36. Перевод идиомы out of a clear (blue) sky, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: out of a clear (blue) sky Идиома: out of a clear (blue) sky Перевод: неожиданно, внезапно; словно из ниоткуда Пример: The boy asked his girlfriend, out of a clear blue sky, to get married. Парень внезапно попросил девушку выйти за него замуж....
37. A poor little girl was begging in the street A poor little girl was begging in the street. A man passed by and the girl mumbled, “Please, sir, give me some money for a fix.” The man answers, astonished, “Good heavens! But, how old are you, little girl?” “I’m eight, sir.” “Oh, my God, and how long have you been into drugs?” “Since I […]...
38. A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair was standing at a bus stop. Few moments later an elderly man stood near him and kept staring at him hard. Annoyed by the stares the guy asked him, “Wotz up oldie! Never done something wild?” To this the old man replied, “Yeah, I f*cked […]...
39. When ‘thirty-seven-fifty’ for your wine means $3750 You’re at a restaurant and can’t be bothered with looking at the wine list, so why not ask the waiter for a suggestion, right? But for one New Jersey man, this move led to an expensive misunderstanding. According to NJ. com, customer Joe Lentini was at Bobby Flay Steak in Atlantic City, N. J. when […]...
40. Значение идиомы clear up [clear up] {v.} 1. To make plain or clear; explain; solve. The teacher cleared up the harder parts of the story. Maybe we can clear up your problem. 2. To become clear. The weather cleared up after the storm. 3. To cure. The pills cleared up his stomach trouble. 4. To put back into a […]...