Jokes about Dumb Irishmen

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1. A life-long city man, tired of the rat raceA life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. Turns out that his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a ... Читать далее...
2. Humor about Dumb IrishmenThe local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. «Now don’t let me ever see your face again,» said the ... Читать далее...
3. Jokes About The Irishmen«Hey,» said a new arrival in the pub, «I’ve got some great Irish jokes.» «Before you start,» said the big bloke in the corner, «, I’m Irish.» «Don’t worry,» said the newcomer, «I’ll tell them slowly.» Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the ... Читать далее...
4. Richard Olivier, the son of Sir Laurence OlivierRichard Olivier, the son of Sir Laurence Olivier and Joan Plowright was only a little boy when, on the front at Brighton, he was confronted by the sight of two dogs mating. The lad turned to Noel Coward, who was the Olivier’s house guest, and said, «What are they doing, Uncle Noel?» «The one in ... Читать далее...
5. A farmer comes home with a lively young bullA farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls have fallen on sad days. He’s letting them hang around for old times’ sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture, he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of the old bulls starts to paw ... Читать далее...
6. Spain JokesSpanish dining An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is. «These, senor,» replied the waiter in broken English, «are the arms of the bull killed in the ring today.» The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the ... Читать далее...
7. A farmer and his girlfriendA farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses. «Boy,» said the farmer, «that sure makes me want to do the same.» «Well, go ahead,» said his girlfriend. «It’s your cow.»...
8. Travel with a horseAn out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, «Pull, Nellie, pull!» Buddy didn’t move. Then the farmer hollered, «Pull, Buster, pull!» Buddy didn’t respond. Once more the farmer ... Читать далее...
9. A caring sonIt seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. «Hey Willis!!» the farmer yelled. «Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon up.» «That’s mighty nice of you, » Willis answered, «but I don’t think Pa would like ... Читать далее...
10. An Other oneThree old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’ A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s ... Читать далее...
11. Attempts by the dumbSIX DIE TRYING TO SAVE CHICKEN — August 1, 1995 CAIRO, Egypt (AP) — Six people drowned yesterday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled ... Читать далее...
12. Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothelTwo Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. «Ah, will you look at that?» One ditch digger said. «What’s our world comin’ to when men of th’ cloth are visitin’ such places?» A short time later, ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова farmerFarmer — фермер Перевод слова Cattle farmer — скотовод, владелец животноводческой фермы collective farmer — колхозник truck farmer — огородник They work for a Farmer. Они работают у фермера. The Farmer cut at the snake with a stick. Фермер ударил змею палкой. The Farmer hitched the cart to his best horse. Фермер впряг в телегу ... Читать далее...
14. A farmer walked into an attorney officeA farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, «May I help you?» The farmer said, «Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.» The attorney said, «well do you have any grounds?» The farmer said, «Yea, I got about 140 acres.» The attorney said, » No, ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова alcoholAlcohol — алкоголь, спирт Перевод слова Absolute alcohol — чистый спирт denatured alcohol — денатурат methyl alcohol — метиловый спирт alcohol addict — алкоголик I abstain from Alcohol. Я воздерживаюсь от алкоголя. Alcohol fogs his brain. Алкоголь затуманивает его мозги. His breath stank of Alcohol. От него воняло перегаром. Примеры из жизни Обратите внимание, что ... Читать далее...
16. Newly issued alcohol warningsThe Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage. 1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a ... Читать далее...
17. Значение идиомы shoot the breeze[shoot the breeze] or [bat the breeze] or [fan the breeze] or[shoot the bull] {v. phr.}, {slang} To talk. Jim shot the breezewith his neighbor while the children were playing. Come into thekitchen and we’ll bat the breeze over a cup of coffee. The womenwere shooting the breeze about Jim’s latest trouble with the police. ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы in kind[in kind] {adv. phr.} In a similar way; with the same kind ofthing. My neighbor pays me in kind for walking her dog. Lowreturned Mary’s insult in kind....
19. A peasant was standing in a field chatting to a bullA pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. «I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree», sighed the pheasant, «but I haven»t got the energy». Well, why don»t you nibble on some of my droppings?» replied the bull. «They»re packed with nutrients». The pheasant pecked at ... Читать далее...
20. Bull fights — Коррида смертельная битва— Hello John! How are you doing? Where have you been? I tried to find you but could not. — Hello Peter! You will not believe me! I went to Spain to watch the fight of the bulls. It was brilliant. — Wow, that is great! Could you please tell me about it? It must ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова bullBull — бык, буйвол Перевод слова Elephant bull — слон-самец raging bull — свирепый бык bull calf — бычок, глупец, простофиля He was treed by a Bull. Бык загнал его на дерево. The Bull bellowed Бык взревел. He was attacked and gored by a Bull. На него напал бык и а забодал его. Примеры из ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова blindBlind — слепой Перевод слова Blind obedience — слепое повиновение blind asylum — приют для слепых blind panic — дикая паника blind chance — слепой случай He was Blinded by love. Он был ослеплен любовью. She was Blind with tears. Она ничего не видела, ее глаза были полны слез....
23. Florida JokesDumb Florida Laws Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just ... Читать далее...
24. Irish Pub JokesMurphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, «Where are we now?» The guide said, «We’re in the great state of Texas.» «It’s a big place,» said Murphy. The ... Читать далее...
25. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty lifeA blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to ... Читать далее...
26. Warning labelsIf government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let’s at least have a little truthfulness about the matter! WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы charge something to something[charge something to something] {v.} 1. To place the blame on; make responsible for. John failed to win a prize, but he charged it to his lack of experience. The coach charged the loss of the game to the team’s disobeying his orders. 2. To buy something on the credit of. Mrs. Smith bought a ... Читать далее...
28. Пословица / поговорка blind leading the blind / blind leaders of the blind — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: blind leading the blind / blind leaders of the blind Перевод: слепой ведет слепого Пример: It was the blind leading the blind when the teacher who could not cook was asked to teach the cooking class. Ситуация была такая, что слепой вел слепого, когда учителя, который не умел готовить, попросили вести кулинарные ... Читать далее...
29. Neighborhood jokes1) Got a neighbor that’s a real pain in the ass? Do they have a lawn? Do they have a garden that’s accessible? Yes to all the above? Great! Go out and get yourself some grass-killer and fill the suckers hose with the stuff. Then sit back and wait for them water their lawn! Nuff ... Читать далее...
30. Perot cornTwo farmers were talking at the general store. One farmer says to the other, «Did you hear about that new variety of corn called Perot corn?» The second farmer replies,»No I ain’t.» The first farmer says, «Yeah, it’s a big yielding variety. The stalk don’t grow too big, but the ears are tremendous!»...
31. Mike Mooney, a Yankee was driving through the southMike Mooney, a Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a pig. He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to buy a 100 pound pig. The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with ... Читать далее...
32. You could Feed them a lot FasterThere was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would ... Читать далее...
33. Jokes of science 03Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side. Why did the chicken cross the road? Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads. A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, «How much for a beer?» The bartender ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы fly blind[fly blind] {v. phr.} 1. To fly an airplane by instruments alone. In the heavy fog he had to fly blind. 2. {informal} To do somethingwithout understanding what you are doing. I’m glad the car runsnow; I was flying blind when I fixed it. He’s flying blind when hetalks about philosophy....
35. Значение идиомы stone-blind[stone-blind] {adj. phr.} 1. Completely blind. Poor Al isstone-blind and needs help to get across the street carefully. 2.Highly intoxicated. George drank too much and got stone-blind atthe office party. See: GET STONED, THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND....
36. Значение идиомы take kindly to[take kindly to] {v.} To be pleased by; like. — Usually used innegative, interrogative, and conditional sentences. He doesn’t takekindly to any suggestions about running his business. Will yourfather take kindly to the idea of your leaving college?...
37. Fluffy diedThis guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbor is going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow ... Читать далее...
38. Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheepFarmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the local minister comes walking around the corner. The minister says, «My, Farmer Petrovich, you’re certainly giving that sheep a beating. You wouldn’t do that to your wife, would you?» The farmer says, «I would if she farted and jumped sideways every time I tried to ... Читать далее...
39. New York JokesNew York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney… — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
40. Two Irishmen are sitting in a barTwo Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick’s looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, «well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I’ve just found out that he actually died in the auschwitz concentration camp.» Patrick says, «that’s terrible, did he go to the ... Читать далее...