I have a question

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1. The answer to the eternal questionA man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when ... Читать далее...
2. The Pope took a philosophy professorThe Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the ... Читать далее...
3. The FishermanOne day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the ... Читать далее...
4. Having the equipmentA couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar ... Читать далее...
5. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
6. A man says to his wifeA man says to his wife, «Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.» Wife says, «I dont want to go.» Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, «It tastes like sh*t. Man says, ... Читать далее...
7. This fellow comes to confessionThis fellow comes to confession. «Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.» The priest asked, «What did you do, my son?» «I lusted,» the fellow replied. «Tell me about it,» the priest said. The fellow then related his story. «Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in ... Читать далее...
8. Hiring an accountantKowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, «What is three times seven?» «Twenty-two,» Kowalski replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to ... Читать далее...
9. With a puzzled look on his faceWith a puzzled look on his face an Indian boy asked, «Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?» She told him, «Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.» Then he asked, «Why is my sister named Cornflower?» She replied, «Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made ... Читать далее...
10. Why lawyers should never ask a witness a questionWhy lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer: In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand — a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, «Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?» She responded, «Why, yes I do know ... Читать далее...
11. A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priestA boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest…the grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00. The boy said «Thank you, virgin Father!» The priest replied, «What did you say?» The boy repeated, «Thank ... Читать далее...
12. A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a RabbiA Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were fishing from a boat not from the lake shore. The pastor had to make a trip to the port-a-potty located on the shore, so he got out of the boat, walked across the water and in the same matter, came back to the boat after ... Читать далее...
13. A man went to the doctor for a check upA man went to the doctor for a check up. «How do you feel?» asked the doctor. «Fine.» he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, «How many times do you have sex per month?» «About two or three.» the man replied. «You should be doing better than that.» the doctor ... Читать далее...
14. Little MermaidThree fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?» She replied, «no sir!» So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, «Did you like that?» «Oh, indeed I did, ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова questionQuestion — вопрос, проблема; спрашивать Перевод слова To ask questions — задавать вопросы to answer questions — отвечать на вопросы economic questions — экономические проблемы there is no question about it — в этом никто не сомневается Reply to the Question. Ответь на вопрос. This Question puzzles me. Этот вопрос ставит меня в тупик. It’s ... Читать далее...
16. England JokesQ: What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
17. Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girlSarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. «Mommy,» she said, «I’d like you to answer one question.» «Very good,» replied her mother, «I was wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees.» «It’s not that,» said the girl. «I know all about screwing. What I would like to know is how ... Читать далее...
18. There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over AfricaThere was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a ... Читать далее...
19. On inheritanceA little boy went up to his father and asked: «Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?» The father replied: «Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, ’cause I still have mine.»...
20. The last requestFather O’Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears. «What’s bothering you so, dear?» inquired Farther O’Grady. «Oh, father, I’ve got terrible news.» Replied Mary. «Well what is it, Mary?» «Well, my husband, passed away last night, ... Читать далее...
21. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroomLittle Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова curiousCurious — любопытный, любознательный, пытливый Перевод слова Curious idlers — зеваки, любопытствующие бездельники curious incident — любопытный случай curious research — тщательное исследование Mandy was Curious to know what happened. Мэнди было любопытно узнать, что случилось. Puppies are naturally Curious. Щенки, любопытны от природы. He was too Curious to let the matter drop. Он был ... Читать далее...
23. A man walked into a lawyer’s office andA man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. «Fifty dollars for three questions,» replied the lawyer. «Isn’t that awfully steep?» asked the man. «Yes,» the lawyer replied, «and what was your third question?»...
24. One day a little boy over heard his parentsOne day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing, «You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!» The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out ... Читать далее...
25. Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishingJesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses «I want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days.» and Moses says «Yeah sure.» So Jesus gets up and says «I think I’ll walk on the water, that was always a good one.» So Jesus ... Читать далее...
26. PUPPY LOVEA man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, «Well, son, they’re making a puppy.» The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being ... Читать далее...
27. Where is my goatThere were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched ... Читать далее...
28. A historical exampleA young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car. His father took him into his study and said, «I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Talmud a little, get your hair ... Читать далее...
29. Значение идиомы beg the question[beg the question] {v. phr.}, {literary} To accept as true something that is still being argued about, before it is proved true; avoid or not answer a question or problem. The girls asked Miss Smith if they should wear formal dresses to the party; Miss Smith said they were begging the question because they didn’t ... Читать далее...
30. Pecuniary reasonsA few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, «Does this fellow have any money?» The daughter shook her head sadly. «Oh Daddy! You men are all alike.» sighing deeply, she replied, «That’s exactly what he asked me about you.»...
31. Перевод слова floatFloat — плавать, всплывать, держаться на поверхности Перевод слова Wood floats on water — дерево не тонет в воде the clouds float slowly — тучи плывут медленно to float oil over a swamp — залить нефтью болото Yellow leaves Floated down. Желтые листья плыли вниз по течению. The clouds Float lazily over the valley. Облака ... Читать далее...
32. The right way to ask a questionA Jewish guy in a London hotel calls the operator and asks, in broken English with a heavy Lithuanian-Yiddish accent, for number 266418. A short time later, someone knocks, and when he opens the door he sees 2 beautiful and sexy girls who asked him: Have you ordered 2 shikses for one night?...
33. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriendA Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. «What’s this,» ... Читать далее...
34. Reward for goodnessThree men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, «I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, ... Читать далее...
35. Another ethnic jokeA man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, «What a Pollack.» The Polish man said, «I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.» ... Читать далее...
36. There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impedimentThere was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked «Could I have a fucket please?» The assistant asked»Pardon sir?». «Can I have a fucket please?» Replied the man. ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова fishingFishing — рыбалка, рыболовный Перевод слова To go in for fishing — ходить на рыбалку fishing season — период рыбной ловли free fishing — право на свободную рыбную ловлю fishing tackle — рыболовная снасть We had good luck Fishing. У нас была удачная рыбалка. I like to go Fishing on weekends. Я люблю ходить на ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы chance it[chance it] {v. phr.} To be willing to risk an action whose outcome is uncertain. «Should we take the boat out in such stormy weather?» Jim asked. «We can chance it,» Tony replied. «We have enough experience.»...
39. Safe to swim hereWhile sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,»Are there any gators around here?!» «Naw,» the man hollered back, «they ain’t been around for years!» «Feeling ... Читать далее...
40. Question answer 01Where do religious school children practice sports? In the prayground! How did the basketball court get wet? The players dribbled all over it! Why did the chicken get sent off? For persistent fowl play! Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game? It was a cup draw! Where ... Читать далее...