Humor about the Stupid Irish
Higgins lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, So Higgins decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.
When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Higgins, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.
“How did you like that jump, buddy?” said a proud Higgins to a deck hand.
“It was great,” said the sailor. “But why didn’t you wait? We were just pulling in!”
Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, Late Sunday evening he was found in tree by a farmer. What happened said the farmer, Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, well said the farmer if you had of asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday.
Related topics:
- Man takes the ferry home from work John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. […]...
- Humor about Irish Marriages Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving […]...
- Funny Humor about the Irish This is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby surgery of […]...
- Humor about Irish Pubs (Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. “Jazus Mick…Well have to turn […]...
- Amusing Humor about the Irish O’Toole volunteered to take care of his numerous children so that Mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O’Toole kept sending him back up. At 10 o’clock the doorbell rang. It was the next […]...
- Humor about the Irish An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, […]...
- Jokes about the Stupid Irish A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, “Fill it up, will you?”. The man says “Sorry – we’re right out of petrol.” So the man considers, and […]...
- Irish Religion Humor Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do Father.” The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to got to heaven?” “Certainly, Father,” […]...
- Clean Humor about the Irish It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: “Lads, I’m here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, […]...
- Fighting Irish Humor McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. “It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes,” she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. “Miss,” he said, “I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get […]...
- A disabled sea captain An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, “You’re really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?” “I fell overboard,” says the Captain, “and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark […]...
- Asking for a Date I Admit it. I’m a Player. I work in an office where there are a lot of Attractive women. Take Debra, for example. I heard that she just Broke up with her boyfriend last week so I decided to ask her out. Liam: Hi, Debra. How’s it going? Debra: Okay, I guess. How about you? […]...
- Перевод слова sailor Sailor – матрос, моряк, мореплаватель Перевод слова A sailor before the mast – рядовой матрос sailor suit – матроска to be a good sailor – хорошо переносить качку на море He worked as a Sailor on a cargo ship. Он работал матросом на сухогрузе. She is a poor Sailor. Ее быстро укачивает. What’s it like […]...
- Travel with a horse An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move. Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond. Once more the farmer […]...
- Перевод слова deck Deck – палуба, настил; колода карт Перевод слова To swab a deck – драить палубу to cut a deck – снимать колоду to shuffle a deck – тасовать карты Let’s go up on Deck. Давайте поднимемся на палубу. Peter stayed below Deck. Питер остался на нижней палубе. The other players accused him of stacking the […]...
- A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. “We weren’t making love.” “Sorry,” said the sailor, “From […]...
- Short Irish Jokes Q: Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic? A: It has a 12 month waiting list. Q: What’s long & green & has a low I. Q.? A: A St. Patrick’s Day Parade Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? A: Regular rocks are too heavy. Q: Why can’t you borrow […]...
- A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” […]...
- Kick-ass sermon A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, ” When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, […]...
- Значение идиомы on deck [on deck] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. On a floor of a ship open to theoutdoors. The passengers were playing shufflehoard on deck. Thesailors kept busy cleaning and painting on deck. 2. {informal} Readyto do something; present. The scout leader told the boys to be ondeck at 8:00 Saturday morning for the hike. Dick was […]...
- Перевод слова farmer Farmer – фермер Перевод слова Cattle farmer – скотовод, владелец животноводческой фермы collective farmer – колхозник truck farmer – огородник They work for a Farmer. Они работают у фермера. The Farmer cut at the snake with a stick. Фермер ударил змею палкой. The Farmer hitched the cart to his best horse. Фермер впряг в телегу […]...
- The Irish Music Топик Ирландская музыка расскажет о красивой ирландской музыке. Народ Ирландии очень музыкален, любит петь, танцевать и сочинять музыку. Арфа – один из самых любимых музыкальных инструментов, а самым знаменитым арфистом в 17-ом веке был слепой музыкант О’Каролан. Первые ноктюрны были написаны также ирландцем – Джоном Филдом, учеником Клементи. Все знают творчество ирландской рок-группы U2. Многие […]...
- Clean Ireland Humor An English man and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both […]...
- A farmer walked into an attorney office A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?” The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.” The attorney said, “well do you have any grounds?” The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, ” No, […]...
- You could Feed them a lot Faster There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would […]...
- Значение идиомы miss the boat [miss the boat] also [miss the bus] {v. phr.}, {informal} To failthrough slowness; to put something off until too late; do the wrongthing and lose the chance. Mr. Brown missed the boat when hedecided not to buy the house. In college he didn’t study enough sohe missed the boat and failed to pass. Ted could […]...
- Humor relating to Iraq The problem with the Iraqi army is that they were using Russian defense tactics: 1. Engage the enemy. 2. Draw him into your territory. 3. Wait until winter sets in. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
- A stupid dog While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: “What are doing here with a dog?” Bernie: “The dog came here to pray.” “Oh, come […]...
- Pirate at the local bar discusses his past A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, and […]...
- Dublin – Дублин Dublin is a fine city, with beautiful grey stone houses. It is situated on the east coast of Ireland. If you go to Dublin you must visit its parks. They have beautiful gardens with deer, and there are markets there on Sundays. Dublin has always been a city of music. A lot of rock and […]...
- Stupid people awards 01 The Darwin Awards The long awaited 1999 Darwin “Natural Selection” Awards have been released! These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Ladies And Gentlemen… (drum roll… and envelope please)… We proudly […]...
- Irish religion jokes Boyle sat in a Belfast confessional. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” he said. “I’ve blown up three hundred miles of English railroad!” “All right, my son,” admonished the priest. “For penance, finish off the stations!” Father Murphy met Casey in the street and Casey admired his new umbrella. Father Murphy said, “Thank you, […]...
- A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to […]...
- Значение идиомы sailor collar [sailor collar] {n.} A large square collar like those worn bysailors. Little Timmy’s suit has a sailor collar. Mary’s blousehas a sailor collar....
- He is extremely drunk Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. “Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven […]...
- An offense Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. “Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven […]...
- The stupid questions The below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records. Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning? Q: What happened then? A: He told me, […]...
- Перевод слова Sunday Sunday – Воскресенье Перевод слова To stay over until Sunday – остаться до воскресенья of a Sunday – по воскресеньям Sunday school – воскресная школа We like to walk every Sunday. Нам нравится гулять каждое воскресенье. My birthday falls on Sunday. Мой день рождения попадает на воскресенье. Brian had an MRI taken Sunday. Брайану сделали […]...
- Значение идиомы wait on hand and foot [wait on hand and foot] {v. phr.} To serve in every possible way;do everything for. Sally is spoiled because her motherwaits on her hand and foot. The gentlemen had a valet to wait onhim hand and foot. Compare: HAND AND FOOT....
- A sailor and a marine are taking a piss A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The marine finishes first and washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine says to him: hey, in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss. The sailor says: yeah well, in […]...