Hick computer terms

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1. Using a Computer Keyboard Leslie: This Keyboard is so hard to use. I can’t find where anything is! Dave: It’s a standard QWERTY keyboard. The Layout may be a little different, with the Function keys on the right-hand side instead of on the top, but you’ll get used to it in no time. Leslie: That’s what you think. I […]...
2. Working With The FBI The phone rings at FBI headquarters. “Hello?” “Hello, is this the FBI?” “Yes. What do you want?” “I’m calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.” “Thank you very much for the call, sir.” The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux’s house. They search the shed where […]...
3. Перевод слова wood Wood – лес, древесина Перевод слова To carve a statue out of wood – вырезать статую из дерева chip of wood – щепка wood chips – опилки Her house was made of Wood. Ее дом был деревянным. Pine is a soft Wood. У сосны мягкая древесина. Some baseball bats are made out of Wood. Некоторые […]...
4. Buying Computer Accessories Ginger: It’s really nice of you to come with me to buy my computer. This is the Desktop I’m thinking about. Kevin: This is okay, but if I were you, I’d buy a Laptop. It’s more Versatile. You can travel with it. Ginger: I’m not sure about getting a laptop. The Screen is so small. […]...
5. Buying Computer Accessories Ginger: It’s really nice of you to come with me to buy my computer. This is the Desktop I’m thinking about. Kevin: This is okay, but if I were you, I’d buy a Laptop. It’s more Versatile. You can travel with it. Ginger: I’m not sure about getting a laptop. The Screen is so small. […]...
6. Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, “Whatcha doin’ Daddy?” Johnny’s dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. “Oh, I’m just […]...
7. The guide to wife translations The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need […]...
8. Перевод слова stove Stove – плита, печь Перевод слова Stove enamel – печной изразец stove blower – воздуходувка доменной печи stove plate – кухонная плита Be careful! The Stove is hot! Будь осторожен! Плита горячая! I burned myself on the Stove. Я обжегся о печку. There was a big pot of soup on the Stove. На плите стояла […]...
9. Computer Ease! The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000: 1. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. 2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 4. Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE! 5. Press […]...
10. Перевод слова keyboard Keyboard – клавиатура Перевод слова Standard keyboard – стандартная клавиатура a keyboard player – музыкант-клавишник keyboard-entered command – команда подаваемая нажатием клавиш keyboard entry – ввод с клавиатуры This information was Keyboarded into a database. Эта информация была введена с клавиатуры в базу данных. If you boot up your system without the Keyboard being plugged […]...
11. Redneck wins lottery A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says “I want my $20 million.” To which the man replied, “No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today, and then you’ll get the rest […]...
12. Idiots on the computer Any time you feel dumb, don’t worry. Check out the following excerpts from a “Wall Street Journal” article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you. 1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the many calls asking where the “Any” key is. 2. AST […]...
13. Holiday Decorating Now that the holidays are here, it’s time To decorate the house. Every year, we always Go all out. We buy a Christmas tree and the kids decorate it with Ornaments that we’ve bought and made over the years, and with silver and gold Tinsel. We also hang a Wreath on our front door and […]...
14. You might be a redneck if 09 You might be a redneck if… Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest. You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding. Bikers back down from your momma. You were shooting pool when your kids were born. Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet. You think that Dom Perignon […]...
15. Значение идиомы knock on wood [knock on wood] {v. phr.} To knock on something made of wood tokeep from having bad luck. – Many people believe that you will havebad luck if you talk about good luck or brag about something, unlessyou knock on wood; often used in a joking way. Charles said, “Ihaven’t been sick all winter.” Grandfather said, […]...
16. You might be a redneck if 10 You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever shot a deer from inside your house. The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!”, “HEY!” or “How Y’all Doin’?” (If they respond with the same… they’re a redneck too!) You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior. You’ve […]...
17. Next US President A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist: “I’d like to become the next President of the United States.” The receptionist: “What are you, an idiot?” Redneck: “Why, is it required?”...
18. Sexually active A REDNECK BRINGS HIS DAUGHTER TO THE GYNOCOLOGIST FOR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS. THE DR. ASKS,”IS YOUR DAUGHTER SEXUALLY ACTIVE?” THE REDNECK SAYS,”NAW, SHE JUST LAYS THERE LIKE HER MOTHER. Sent by BOBBY...
19. The engineer’s terms Top 25 Engineer’s Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean) A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.) Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.) An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We just hired three punk kids out […]...
20. The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says “You see? This is a failic symbol!” Girl says “Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller”...
21. UCLA Computer Club This one hasn’t come up despite the presence of UCLA on the net. I’m led to the sad conclusion that the tradition has died. In the mid ’70s, just before it was overrun by fanatic Dungeons Dragons ™ players, the UCLA Computer Club was host to a long series of “glitter traps.” Example: joke subject […]...
22. Значение идиомы chip on one’s shoulder [chip on one’s shoulder] {n. phr.}, {informal} A quarrelsome nature; readiness to be angered. He went through life with a chip on his shoulder. Jim often gets into fights because he goes around with a chip on his shoulder....
23. This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn’t know what to do. He’s fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says, “Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s’pposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!” …So he got his bowling bowl […]...
24. Some fishing terms Ten common fishing terms explained Catch and Release – A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it’s limit. Hook – (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to […]...
25. Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.” “Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing […]...
26. Значение идиомы go hang [go hang] {v. phr.}, {slang} 1. To stop being of interest orimportance; be forgotten. – Usually used with “let”. Mr. Johnsonlet his business go hang after his wife died. 2. To leave you alone;not bother. When the neighbor told Father how to manage hischildren, Father told him to go hang. Compare: TELL WHERE TO GET […]...
27. Seasons and Weather Everyone knows that there are four seasons in a year: Spring, summer, autumn and winter. Each of them lasts 8 Months. Spring comes in March and ends in May. It often rains in Spring, especially in April. Summer is the hottest season in the year. It begins in June and ends in August. In summer […]...
28. Why I Fired My Secretary I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, “I’m another year older,” but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, “Happy birthday, dear.” All smiles, I […]...
29. A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, “help, help, I am having a heart attack”, the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run […]...
30. Computer Revolution Топик Компьютерная революция рассказывает о том, как много преимуществ получил человек с момента изобретения компьютера. Например, они экономят много времени и редко ошибаются; намного быстрее и проще получить информацию в Интернете, чем просмотреть горы книг в библиотеке; покупки в онлайн-магазинах тоже экономят наше время и деньги; а отправить письмо по электронной почте – быстрее и […]...
31. A Jewish Mother Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You’re going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn’t leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I […]...
32. Some people are sitting in a bar Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, “My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG.” Another guy says, “What’s that?” The first guy says, “That means I am a Single, New Age Guy.” Another one says, “My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, “What’s that?” […]...
33. Being a Stay-at-Home Dad Gladys: Hi, Dan. I’m surprised to see you here at the supermarket in the middle of the day. Dan: Why? Gladys: I thought you’d be working. Dan: I am working. I’m a Stay-at-home dad and I take care of the kids while my wife goes to work. Gladys: Oh, did you get Laid off from […]...
34. Перевод идиомы have a chip on one’s shoulder, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: have a chip on one’s shoulder Перевод: искать повод для ссоры или драки; быть агрессивно настроенным, затевать ссоры Пример: Our neighbor has a chip on his shoulder and is always trying to start a fight. Наш сосед всегда ищет причины для спора, и всегда пытается затеять ссору. Ron has a chip on his shoulder. […]...
35. Because his son wasn’t the brightest kid in the world Because his son wasn’t the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. “Now you lissen good, Dan’l, ‘cuz here’s whatcha gotta do. One: Take out your penie-pipe. Two: Pull back the foreskin. Three: Pee. Four: Push back your foreskin. Five: […]...
36. You are from Canada You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when…. You only knowv three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. The mosquitoes have landing lights. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat. Canadian Tire on any Saturday […]...
37. You might be a redneck if 04 You might be a redneck if… The taillight covers of your car are made of tape. Your car has never had a full tank of gas. Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash. Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal. You think a subdivision is part […]...
38. Значение идиомы chip off the old block [chip off the old block] {n. phr.} A person whose character traits closely resemble those of his parents. I hear that Tom plays the violin in the orchestra his father conducts; he sure is a chip off the old block....
39. Computer revolution – Компьютерная революция 50 years ago people didn’t even heard of computers, and today we cannot imagine life without them. Computer technology is the fastest-growing industry in the world. The first computer was the size of a minibus and weighed a ton. Today, its job can be done by a chip the size of a pin head. And […]...
40. Proffessional Terms II I can’t help but wonder sometimes though why lovemaking is almost always referred to in theatrical terms. For example, surely you’ve heard men refer to their “performance”. Well, even these days I don’t have a lot of trouble with that. But… since I’m now past fifty, the “encores” are getting tuffer and tuffer....