Giving sad news to a troop

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1. A gentler wayAt the morning roll call at Fort Dix, the sergeant called out, «Platoon, atten-HUT! Private Martinez, report to the office. Your brother died last night.» The Chaplain, Rabbi Horowitz, looked on in horror. «Sergeant,» he said afterwards, «that’s a rather cruel and unfeeling way to break tragic news. We must be more gentle and less ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова telegramTelegram — телеграмма Перевод слова To get a telegram — получить телеграмму to send a telegram — отправлять телеграмму cipher telegram — шифрованная телеграмма greetings telegram — поздравительная телеграмма reply-paid telegram — телеграмма с оплаченным ответом We delayed sending the Telegram. Мы решили пока не посылать телеграмму. About 35 dailies use the word Telegram in ... Читать далее...
3. Good news and bad newsThe McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife’s bedroom. «Kid’s……there’s good news and bad news.» «The bad news is your mother’s strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago» «The good news ... Читать далее...
4. Selling war insuranceAirman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in ... Читать далее...
5. Good sales strategyAirman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the Captain ... Читать далее...
6. Bad newsA mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever ... Читать далее...
7. Bad news and awful newsOne morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side, it had snowed during the night and everything was covered in snow. He looks down and sees something written in urine on the lawn it reads «I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD». Bill calls the FBI and says «Someone has written «I hope you get impeached» ... Читать далее...
8. Following some duty overseas, the officersFollowing some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to ... Читать далее...
9. Giving Bad News and CondolencesI was at the hospital at with my friend, Wendy. Her father was in an accident and she was waiting to talk to the doctor. Doctor: Hello, I’m Dr. Johnson. How are you holding up? Wendy: Oh, I’m fine. Is there any news? Doctor: Yes. I have examined your father’s Test results and I’m afraid ... Читать далее...
10. An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a newAn army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, «But you just got a new pair last month!» «Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,» stammered the private. «Accident, what kind of an accident?» ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова formationFormation — формирование, построение, структура Перевод слова The formation of a new word — образование нового слова the formation of a flower — строение цветка rock formation — горная система It’s expected that the president will announce the Formation of a new government. Ожидается, что президент объявит о создании нового правительства. One by one, each ... Читать далее...
12. Mr. Jones had hired a new secretaryMr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, «Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open.» He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was ... Читать далее...
13. Jones is driving past the state mental hospitalJones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for ... Читать далее...
14. No exitAn airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the ... Читать далее...
15. An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing homeAn old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. «It did? I’m sorry to hear that,» she replied. Two days later, Mr. ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы night letter[night letter] {n.} A telegram sent at night at a cheaper rate anddelivered in the morning. I waited until after six o’clock in theevening before sending the telegram home because I can say more forthe same price in a night letter....
17. The new metro cop pulled a speeder who wasThe new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue. «Can I see your license and registration, bub?», the cop inquired. «But officer,» the fellow started, «I can explain…» «Shut yer trap, bub!» snapped the officer. «You’re going downtown and sit a while till the sarge gets back.» «But, officer, I think ... Читать далее...
18. A merchant captain and several of his officersA merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a big night ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted, «Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting on me!» The following morning the ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы in private[in private] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} Not openly or in public; apartfrom others; confidentially; secretly. Mr. Jones waited until theywere home in private before he punished his son. The teacher toldSusan that she wanted to talk to her in private after class. Compare:IN SECRET. Contrast: IN PUBLIC....
20. Buying A BullTwo sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last ... Читать далее...
21. News from WashingtonWASHINGTON, DC — Frustrated by failed attempts to turn public support away from the president, congress today announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated documents and videotapes on Monday. Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this morning. «We feel that with the release of all the documents from the Starr Inquisition, and ... Читать далее...
22. The first Jewish woman President is electedThe first Jewish woman President is elected. She calls her Mother: «Mama, I’ve won the elections, you’ve got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.» «I don’t know, what would I wear?» «Don’t worry, I’ll send you a dressmaker» «But I only eat kosher food» «Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get ... Читать далее...
23. The headmistress at a girls prep schoolThe headmistress at a girls’ prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: «We’re having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend.» «Why of course,» the Lieutenant answers. ... Читать далее...
24. Watching the TV NewsAnchor: Good evening. I’m Gary Singh and this is the evening news. Tonight, we’ll have a Special report from our Field reporter, Monique Sanders, on the Latest developments In the Eddie Litton court case. And in our Feature segment, we’ll go to Arizona To interview the world’s fattest dog, weighing 210 pounds! We’ll also have ... Читать далее...
25. A talking birdOne man wanted to make a special gift for his mother on the Mother’s day. He run out of ideas but then found a pet shop where was birds that could sing, talk and dance. The price was 5 thousand dollars, but he bought two of them and send to his mother as a surprise. ... Читать далее...
26. Corporate Gift-GivingMichelle: Why did I get Stuck with buying Corporate gifts for our clients this year? Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I’m good at buying gifts. Rafiq: It’s not because you’re a woman. It’s because you’re the most Junior employee of the company. I had the job three years ago when I started working ... Читать далее...
27. Sister Margaret diedSister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, «This is Sister Margaret. There’s been a terrible mistake!» She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he’d get right on it. The next day the nun didn’t hear from Saint Peter so she called him again. ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод слова sendSend — отправлять, посылать, передавать, извещать Перевод слова To send a warning — послать предупреждение to send a case to hospital — направить больного в больницу send to me in the morning — известите меня утром Send him where he wants. Пошлите его туда, куда он хочет. I’ll Send a copy to you. Я пришлю ... Читать далее...
29. Jones came into the office an hour late for the third timeJones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. «What’s the story this time, Jones?» he asked sarcastically. «Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.» Jones sighed, «Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the ... Читать далее...
30. Red shirtLong ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, «Bring me my red shirt!» The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and ... Читать далее...
31. After church on Sunday morning, a young boyAfter church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, «Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up. «That’s okay with us,» the mother said, «But what made you decide to be a minister?» «Well,» the boy replied, «I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, ... Читать далее...
32. An old sailing ship is becalmed at seaAn old sailing ship is becalmed at sea with a full complement of sailors. They are stuck there for days and days with nothing to do. One morning the captain decides he is going to lay on some entertainment for the men. He orders a barrel to be placed on the top deck. It has ... Читать далее...
33. A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three yearsA company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and ... Читать далее...
34. Totally messed upThe following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row — the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day’s mistake. MONDAY: For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P. M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him ... Читать далее...
35. Пословица / поговорка no news is good news — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: no news is good news Перевод: отсутствие вестей — хорошая весть Пример: Although the woman had not heard from her son for several weeks, she believed that no news is good news and she did not worry. Хотя женщина и не получала известий от своего сына несколько недель, она считала, что отсутствие ... Читать далее...
36. Пословица / поговорка bad news travels fast / bad news has wings — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: bad news travels fast / bad news has wings Перевод: плохая молва на крыльях летит Эквивалент в русском языке: худые вести не лежат на месте Пример: Bad news travels fast and the man heard about the job layoffs a week before the official announcement. Плохая молва на крыльях летит, и мужчина услышал ... Читать далее...
37. Space shuttle mission to the MoonThere’s a Space Shuttle mission to the moon with 2 monkeys and a woman on board. The headquarters in the US calls: «Monkey #1, Monkey #1 report to coms for instructions.» He sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the temperature in engine 4 and to release oxygen ... Читать далее...
38. A Girl Scout troop leaderA Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex. «Back ladies, back!» cried the leader. «There’s a very dangerous beast out there!» But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was ... Читать далее...
39. Giving Birth to TwinsJerome: Congratulations! I just heard that you’re Pregnant with Twins. Paula: Thanks. We’re very excited, although I’m a little worried about a Multiple birth. Jerome: I Come from a long line of multiple births. My father is an Identical twin and he had cousins who are Fraternal twins. Paula: I see what you mean. Jerome: ... Читать далее...
40. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopersA young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. «So, did you ... Читать далее...