Ghosts in a White House

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1. Helping this countryOne night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, «George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?» «Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,» advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the ... Читать далее...
2. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells himSaddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, «Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.» «What did it say on the banners?» Clinton asks. Saddam replies, «Allah is god, god is Allah.» Clinton says, «You know, Saddam, I ... Читать далее...
3. Clinton countryA guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV go’s on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells, «There’s a horses ass» A guy gets up and punches him.. And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said ... Читать далее...
4. Three acurate guessesOne of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up behind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said, «I’m going to kiss you if you can’t tell me who I am in three guesses.» She quickly answered, «George Washington! Thomas Jefferson! Abraham Lincoln!»...
5. One day there were these three boys walking downOne day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: ‘HELP! HELP!’ When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. ... Читать далее...
6. Bill Clinton Statue Committee1040 Waffle Street Little Rock, Arkansas 72208 Dear Friend; We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D. C. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was ... Читать далее...
7. Bad news and awful newsOne morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side, it had snowed during the night and everything was covered in snow. He looks down and sees something written in urine on the lawn it reads «I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD». Bill calls the FBI and says «Someone has written «I hope you get impeached» ... Читать далее...
8. Save the countryA woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and scarf and says, «I received your emergency phone call, Mrs. Clinton, and came right away, but what could «I» possibly do to save the country?» Mrs. Clinton: «Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit…»...
9. Bill Clinton’s haircutBefore his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, «How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?» Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him ... Читать далее...
10. Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf gameBill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey, I’ve got an ... Читать далее...
11. Ghost sexAt a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, «Who here has ever seen a ghost?» Most of the hands go up. «And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?» About half the hands stay up. «OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with ... Читать далее...
12. Candidate Clinton vs President ClintonCandidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the ... Читать далее...
13. An old lady lived by herself in a small houseAn old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her garden, shaved her cat and then left when he ... Читать далее...
14. Photographer worksThere was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk — the ghost which ‘lived’ there was feared by all. However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, ... Читать далее...
15. A little girl came running into the house cryingA little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. «Why do you want cider?» asked Mom. «To take the pain away,» sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little ... Читать далее...
16. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly GatesClinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.» «And what do you want?» asked St. Peter. «Lemme in!» replied Clinton. «Soooo,» pondered Peter. «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and ... Читать далее...
17. Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)Thomas Jefferson, one of the American Presidents of the past, wasborn in Virginia in 1743. When he was 14 years old, his fatherdied and the young boy was left to choose for himself what to do. Jefferson studied literature and languages. He also studied to bea lawyer, and later he wrote many of the Virginia ... Читать далее...
18. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunchBill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, «Are you ready to order?» Clinton replies, «Yes, I’d like a quickie.» «A quickie?!?» the waitress replies. «Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is ... Читать далее...
19. Clinton at the paradeThe May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992’s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had ... Читать далее...
20. Значение идиомы house[house] See: BOARDING HOUSE REACH, BRING DOWN THE HOUSE, PUN HOUSE, HASH HOUSE, KEEP HOUSE, ON THE HOUSE, PARISH HOUSE, PEOPLE WHO LIVE INGLASS HOUSES SHOULD NOT THROW STONES, PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES orPLAGUE O’ BOTH YOUR HOUSES, PUT ONE’S HOUSE IN ORDER or SET ONE’SHOUSE TN ORDER....
21. Greetings prospective White House interns!Greetings prospective White House interns! This year, our program is heading into its 69th year of bringing America’s best and brightest to the Nation’s Capitol to help the «Head Man» do his job. We expect that 1998 will be the most exciting one yet! Why, you might be asking yourself, do I want to be ... Читать далее...
22. Finding a House to BuyI’m looking to buy a house and I want a Single-family home. I have been living in a Townhouse for two years and I am tired of having Common walls and very small Yards. My new house will have to have a lot more Square footage, a large Lot size, an Open floor plan, great ... Читать далее...
23. Finding a House to BuyI’m looking to buy a house and I want a Single-family home. I have been living in a Townhouse for two years and I am tired of having Common walls and very small Yards. My new house will have to have a lot more Square footage, a large Lot size, an Open floor plan, great ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова houseHouse — дом, здание, жилище Перевод слова Apartment house — многоквартирный дом house arrest — домашний арест at John’s house — у Джона Get out of my House! Убирайтесь из моего дома! I lost my House keys. Я потерял ключи от дома. A snail carries its own House. Улитка несет свой дом на спине....
25. Перевод слова ghostGhost — приведение, призрак, дух Перевод слова The ghost of Hamlet’s father — тень отца Гамлета to see a ghost — видеть привидение ghost image — фантомное изображение not the ghost of a chance — ни малейшего шанса A long rambling Ghost story. Длинная путаная история про привидения. Hope is against the holy Ghost. Надежда ... Читать далее...
26. Appearance: Legs and Feet — Внешность: ноги и ступниAt the hospital, Bill took off his sock and pulled his trouser leg up over his knee onto his thigh. The doctor looked down at the injured foot, which was already getting bigger and changing colour. «Hm. Nasty accident,» he said. «What happened?» «A skier smashed into my foot,» explained Bill. «Oh, dear. Very nasty. ... Читать далее...
27. Investment counselorAn investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers. «As I’m sure you can understand,» she started off with one of the first applicants, «in ... Читать далее...
28. Mrs. Jones is having her house paintedMrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall. The next day, she says to the painter, «You wanna see where my husband put his hand last night?» He sighs and says, «Look, lady, I got a tough day’s work ahead of me. ... Читать далее...
29. Microsoft Addresses Justice Department AccusationsREDMOND, Wash. — Oct. 23, 1997 — In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. «It’s actually a logical extension of our planned growth», said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, ... Читать далее...
30. Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sittingHillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad. He says, «I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries.» «Well » says Chelsea, «you could throw ... Читать далее...
31. Delaying Making a DecisionThomas: You’ve Hemmed and hawed for weeks. It’s time to make a decision. Eugenia: I know, but I need To sleep on it. This is a very big decision. Thomas: You’ve Dragged your feet for far too long. Are you having Second thoughts? Eugenia: No, no second thoughts. I just want to be Absolutely sure ... Читать далее...
32. Breakfast was my ideaIt was George the Mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his ... Читать далее...
33. Here is a free puppyThe President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had. He goes up to the girl and says, «Little girl, I think that it’s wonderful that you’re doing such a good thing.» The little girl says, «Thank you, Mr. Clinton. ... Читать далее...
34. Clinton is in HeavenPresident Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «It’s me, Bill Clinton». «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and answered, «Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. And I lied, but I didn’t commit ... Читать далее...
35. Having a Frightening ExperienceOliver: I had the most Hair-raising experience of my life this past weekend. Alena: What happened? Oliver: You know that George bought an old house, right? Well, he’s been telling us that it’s Haunted, so for a Lark, a few of us decided to spend the weekend there to see if we would have any ... Читать далее...
36. Franklin and JeffersonBenjamin Franklin was self-educated, which means that he was too poor to go to school and therefore got a good education. As a boy he helped his father to make candles, which were thought to look more romantic that electric lights. When he was twelve Benjamin was so interested in reading that he gave up ... Читать далее...
37. Made in CanadaPresident Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!» the American President cried, «My people’s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!» «Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you,» replied the Prime Minister. «I do need your help,» ... Читать далее...
38. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball gamePresident Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, «Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!». She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks ... Читать далее...
39. Types of ViewsAndrea: Help me decide on which type of hotel room To book. George: I want the one with a bed. Andrea: Very funny. We have a choice of different views, and each one is a different price. For instance, a room with a City view is $175 a night and a Panoramic view is $275 ... Читать далее...
40. Very different childrenTwo ten-year-old children were exactly opposites: Bill was a die-hard optimist, and Bob a hopeless pessimist. The mom asked the psychiatrist what to do about Christmas. The doctor told her to buy all the toys she could for Bob and get Bill nothing. In fact, he said just to wrap up some manure for Bill ... Читать далее...