Getting Shocking News

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1. Going to Business School Karla: I just heard that you’re taking a Leave of absence to go to business school. Is that right? Joaquin: Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and have finally Taken the plunge. I need an MBA to get ahead in my career. Karla: That’s great, but why don’t you go part-time? […]...
2. Delivering a baby A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he […]...
3. Having Doubts About Getting Married Charlotte: What are you doing in here? The entire Wedding party is looking for you. Chris: Yeah, I know. Charlotte: Well, what’s the matter? You’re not getting Cold feet, are you? Chris: That’s just it. I’m really having Doubts about getting married. What am I doing here? I think I’m about to make the biggest […]...
4. Eating a School Lunch Chris: What are you doing? Let’s get into the hot Lunch line. Sybil: See this Lunchbox? My mom made me Brown-bag it today. She says that the lunches served at school aren’t Nutritious enough. Chris: That Sucks. What did she make you? Sybil: A salad. Chris: Oh, Gross. I really feel sorry for you. What […]...
5. A young married woman A young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend. The girlfriend asked, “Do you talk to your husband when you’re making love?” She thought about it a minute then said, “Well, no. But I could. I mean he has a cell phone and all now.”...
6. From rescuer to rescued: Doctor and paramedic save each other’s lives 30 years apart When Dr Michael Shannon saved the life of a premature baby 30 years ago, he would never have thought decades later, the favour would be returned. KTLA reported on Sunday the incredible story of two men in California who saved each other’s lives in two very different ways. The news station said that Dr Michael […]...
7. Hero cat saves baby from freezing to death Eat your heart out, Lassie! Masha, a long-haired tabby cat, saved the life of a baby abandoned in the streets of Russia – after she climbed into the box he was discarded in and kept him warm, health officials said. “The baby had only been outside for a few hours and thanks to Masha… he […]...
8. Значение идиомы with child [with child] {adv. phr.}, {literary} Going to have a baby;pregnant. The angel told Mary she was with child. Compare: IN AFAMILY WAY or IN THE FAMILY WAY....
9. Gauging the Doneness of Meat Chris: How do you like your Steak? Ruth: Well done. I don’t like any pink showing and I don’t mind if it’s a little Charred. Chris: I’ll cook it the way you want it, but it’ll be dry and Tough. Ruth: Yes, but a longer Cooking time kills Foodborne illnesses. I don’t want to eat […]...
10. When I stopped the bus to pick up little five year old Chris When I stopped the bus to pick up little five year old Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. “Is that your grandmother?” I asked Chris when he boarded. “Yes,” Chris said. “She’s come to visit us for Christmas.” “How nice,” I said. “Where does she live?” […]...
11. My girlfriend is out in the car A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man’s friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender […]...
12. A man had been drinking at the bar for hours A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the […]...
13. Rejecting Newer Technology Darlene: Thanks for agreeing to take a look at my computer. It’s been Acting up lately. Chris: Sure, I don’t mind. Is this it? Darlene: Yeah. Chris: How long have you had this computer? It looks like it belongs in the Ice age. Darlene: I admit it’s a little Dated. I must be one of […]...
14. Students miss a final Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms – so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final […]...
15. Moving in Together My girlfriend and I have been Going out for a year and I thought it was time to have a Heart-to-heart with her. Simon: I have something I want to talk to you about. Can you come over here and sit down for a minute? Paula: Uh oh. Is something wrong? Simon: No, nothing’s wrong. […]...
16. Where is my goat There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched […]...
17. Bonkistry Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as “Bonkistry.” He has been around forever, so I wouldn’t put it past him to come up with something like this. Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry […]...
18. Girlfriend Tech Support E-mail I am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I’ve been having some problems lately. I’ve been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I’ve tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won’t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode […]...
19. Paying for College Chris: Which colleges are you applying to? Marcella: None. I can’t afford to go to college. Even if I lived at home, Tuition, fees, and books are just too expensive. Chris: You could apply for Financial aid. Marcella: I don’t want to get a bunch of Loans and be In debt for the next 10 […]...
20. Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying. “Why are you crying?” asked the other child. “I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger.” When he heard this, the other child started to cry. “Why are you crying?” “I’m here for a urine test.”...
21. The Latest Breaking News on the GoodTimes Virus It turns out that this so-called hoax virus is very dangerous after all. Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all […]...
22. Giving Bad News and Condolences I was at the hospital at with my friend, Wendy. Her father was in an accident and she was waiting to talk to the doctor. Doctor: Hello, I’m Dr. Johnson. How are you holding up? Wendy: Oh, I’m fine. Is there any news? Doctor: Yes. I have examined your father’s Test results and I’m afraid […]...
23. Adopting a Child Scott: Hi, I thought I’d stop by to pick up those chairs I wanted to borrow. Roberta: Oh, sure. Here they are. Scott: What are you doing? Roberta: I’m looking through the material we got on Adoption. Scott: Are you and Robert thinking about adopting a child? Roberta: Yeah, we are. We’ve been thinking about […]...
24. Пословица / поговорка bad news travels fast / bad news has wings – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: bad news travels fast / bad news has wings Перевод: плохая молва на крыльях летит Эквивалент в русском языке: худые вести не лежат на месте Пример: Bad news travels fast and the man heard about the job layoffs a week before the official announcement. Плохая молва на крыльях летит, и мужчина услышал […]...
25. Preparing for a New Baby Wanda: Oh hi, I wasn’t expecting you today. Enrique: We’ve been cleaning out our garage and your sister said I should come by with a few things for your baby. Wanda: That’s really sweet of you guys, but I’m not Due for another six months. Enrique: But you’ll need these things to get the baby’s […]...
26. Пословица / поговорка no news is good news – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: no news is good news Перевод: отсутствие вестей – хорошая весть Пример: Although the woman had not heard from her son for several weeks, she believed that no news is good news and she did not worry. Хотя женщина и не получала известий от своего сына несколько недель, она считала, что отсутствие […]...
27. Cheating on a Test Oscar: What are you doing? Elena: I’m getting ready for the test. Oscar: By writing the answers on a cheat sheet? You’re not going To get away with That. Elena: I got a “D” on the last test and I have to do better on this one. If I don’t get at least a “B,” […]...
28. A Marriage Proposal I I have been trying to Get up the nerve to ask my girlfriend to Marry me. We have been dating for almost a year and I think she’s The one. I went shopping for Engagement Rings and really hated the experience. I wasn’t sure what kind of ring she’d like and it took me a […]...
29. Term dictionary Parent’s Dictionary of Meanings DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots. FULL NAME: what you call your child when you’re mad at him. GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not […]...
30. Naming Children Celeste: So, here is my Shortlist. Albert: A shortlist for what? Celeste: Baby names. Albert: We have months to decide. Don’t you think we should wait? Celeste: No, I want to be prepared. Here, take a look. See what you think. Albert: Ezekiel?! You want to name our child Ezekiel? He’ll be Teased by every […]...
31. Значение идиомы one eye on [one eye on] {informal} Watching or minding while doing something else; part of your attention on. – Used after”have”, “keep”, or “with”. Jane had one eye on the baby as sheironed. Bill kept one eye on his books and the other on theclock. Chris tried to study with one eye on the TV set. Compare:KEEP […]...
32. Перевод слова mine Mine – шахта, рудник; добывать; мой, мое Перевод слова To develop a mine – обустраивать шахту to mine diamonds – добывать алмазы abandoned mine – заброшенная шахта it is mine – это мое He is a Mine of information. Он ходячая энциклопедия. This Mine is now laid in. Эта шахта законсервирована. She’s a new love […]...
33. Some problems A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says: “I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems.” “What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I’ll love it. It’s my child and I’ll love it […]...
34. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. “Doctor,” she explained, “the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.” The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on […]...
35. Taking the Driving Test Cesar: I just took the Driving test. See this? That’s my new License. May: You have to give me the Play-by-play. I’m taking the test next week and I’m Freaking out. Cesar: There’s nothing to worry about. It was easy. May: I’m not worried about the written test. It’s the driving test I’m worried about. […]...
36. Bad news and awful news One morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side, it had snowed during the night and everything was covered in snow. He looks down and sees something written in urine on the lawn it reads “I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD”. Bill calls the FBI and says “Someone has written “I hope you get impeached” […]...
37. The bad news and the good news Harry answers the telephone, and it’s an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, “Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for […]...
38. Talking About Immigration Ann: The Immigration policy in this country is ridiculous. Why are there so many Illegal immigrants here? They Cross the border and take American jobs! They all need to be Deported. Chris: A lot of immigrants have lived here nearly all their lives. Do you mean to tell me that you want to do some […]...
39. Dating Nice Guys and Bad Boys Jack: I’ve had it. I’m going to start Treating women like dirt. I’d get more dates. Alison: What brought this on? Jack: I Got dumped again by a woman who thinks I’m too nice – too nice! She says she wants to be with someone who’s more Assertive and Unpredictable. She didn’t say it In […]...
40. Good news and bad news The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife’s bedroom. “Kid’s……there’s good news and bad news.” “The bad news is your mother’s strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago” “The good news […]...