Funny Jokes about the Irish

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1. Funny Humor about the IrishThis is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby surgery of ... Читать далее...
2. Irish Pub JokesMurphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, «Where are we now?» The guide said, «We’re in the great state of Texas.» «It’s a big place,» said Murphy. The ... Читать далее...
3. New York JokesNew York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney… — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
4. Short Irish JokesQ: Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic? A: It has a 12 month waiting list. Q: What’s long & green & has a low I. Q.? A: A St. Patrick’s Day Parade Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? A: Regular rocks are too heavy. Q: Why can’t you borrow ... Читать далее...
5. Clean Jokes about the IrishMurphy said to his daughter, «I want you home by eleven o’clock.» She said, «But Father, I’m no longer a child!» He said, «I know, that’s why I want you home by eleven.» MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O’Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on ... Читать далее...
6. Jokes about the Stupid IrishA man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, «Fill it up, will you?». The man says «Sorry — we’re right out of petrol.» So the man considers, and ... Читать далее...
7. Irish religion jokesBoyle sat in a Belfast confessional. «Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,» he said. «I’ve blown up three hundred miles of English railroad!» «All right, my son,» admonished the priest. «For penance, finish off the stations!» Father Murphy met Casey in the street and Casey admired his new umbrella. Father Murphy said, «Thank you, ... Читать далее...
8. Jokes about the Fighting IrishGallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. «Did you see the paper?» asked Gallagher. «They say I died!!» «Yes, I saw it!» replied Finney. «Where are you callin’ from?» It was general question time on the «Top ... Читать далее...
9. Irish marriage jokesPaddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink. He said, «If you continue drinking as you do, you’ll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you’ll turn into a mouse.» This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said ... Читать далее...
10. Amusing Jokes about the IrishMrs. Ryan, a mean looking woman, claimed her husband was not thoughtful. In this she was wrong; her husband thought about her too much. One morning on his way to work, he thought about her so much that he got off the subway at 34th Street and went to the Greyhound Terminal and took a ... Читать далее...
11. A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulderA taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, «Look mate, don’t ever ... Читать далее...
12. An elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests«Look at me.» an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his birthday bash. «I’ve aged like a fine old carefully stored wine.» «I certainly have to agree with that.» piped-up his obviously long suffering wife. «Henry’s cork’s been stationary for years.»...
13. Japan JokesThe Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for ... Читать далее...
14. Chinese Fire DrillOne joke that we did in residence was the Chinese Fire Drill, I don’t quite know why it is called that. Anyway.. The victim is on the pot in the dorm washroom. Everyone grabs a bucket (we used the waste baskets from our rooms) and fills the buckets with water. Take a paper bag and ... Читать далее...
15. Going OutA couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова taxiTaxi — такси Перевод слова Maxi-taxi — многоместное такси pirate taxi — незарегистрированное такси, «частник» She arrived by Taxi. Она приехала на такси. He drives a Taxi. Он работает таксистом. He requested a Taxi for 8 o’clock. Он заказал такси на 8 часов....
17. Russia JokesWhat’s meant by an exchange opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet Union? It’s when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the party’s. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
18. Q & A Iraqi War JokesQ: What’s the national bird of Iraq? A: DUCK! — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Q: What’s the fastest way to ... Читать далее...
19. Ass-corkedTwo guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass. He says, «How’d you get a cork in your ass?» The other guy says, «I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a ... Читать далее...
20. Short reindeer jokesWhat do reindeer say before telling you a joke? This one will sleigh you! Why is a reindeer like a gossip? Because they are both tail bearers! Why do reindeer wear fur coats? Because they would look silly in plastic macs! How do you make a slow reindeer fast? Don’t feed it! Why did the ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова countyCounty — графство, округ Перевод слова Home counties — шесть графств, окружающих Лондон county fair — сельская ярмарка county office — окружная контора The river traverses the County. Река пересекает округ. Texas is divided into 254 Counties. Техас разделен на 254 округа. He was locked up in the County jail. Он был заключен в тюрьму ... Читать далее...
22. Short Christmas jokesWhat did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter «D» ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he ... Читать далее...
23. The Eighteen BottlesI had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else… I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with ... Читать далее...
24. Humor about Irish Pubs(Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. «Jazus Mick…Well have to turn ... Читать далее...
25. Swerve to avoid a boxDriving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain ... Читать далее...
26. More dorm jokesI can’t resist a few: 1. Once you have stolen a dormmate’s room keys, the room is yours to plunder. As a variation, steal the dorm keys but reverse the lock (so the keyhole faces INTO the room); we had a mechanical engineer who got this down to about 20 seconds. Then loudly announce to ... Читать далее...
27. How the creators of Airplane! pulled off one of the funniest jokes we’ve ever heardHoly hell! This is one of the funniest stories we’ve heard in a long time. Ask yourself, «how far are you willing to go for a joke?» Once you’ve determined that, realize that David Zucker is willing to take it even further. First some background. David Zucker and his brother Jerry Zucker are part of ... Читать далее...
28. Clean Jokes about IrelandAn American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight — an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. «You see that, I reckon,» said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. «And now where would you be ... Читать далее...
29. More neighborhood jokesThey had a ‘witchy’ old lady next door that was constantly complaining about everything and everyone in the neighborhood. After one really good round about kids and pets messing up her spotless front yard, my buddies planned what turned out to be a better joke than they originally thought. Juvenile as we all were, they ... Читать далее...
30. Virginia JokesVirginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix? — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Virginia: Please don’t confuse us ... Читать далее...
31. Some practical jokesSmaller or larger tuxedo A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo. After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод слова driverDriver — водитель, шофер Перевод слова Co-driver — водитель-напарник drink driver — водитель, управляющий автомобилем в нетрезвом виде learner driver — лицо, обучающееся вождению He’s a rotten Driver. Водитель из него никакой. He is a careful Driver. Он осторожный водитель. He is a pretty awful Driver. Он довольно ужасный водитель. Происхождение слова driver Образовано от ... Читать далее...
33. Chicago JokesA man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there. When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary ... Читать далее...
34. Перевод слова jokeJoke — шутка, анекдот Перевод слова In joke — в шутку, шутя standing joke — неистощимый объект для шуток blue joke — пошлая шутка a corny joke — старая шутка, шутка «с бородой» It was only a Joke. Это была всего лишь шутка. The Joke was on him. Это он остался в дураках. She loves ... Читать далее...
35. Перевод слова fruitFruit — фрукт, плод, плодоносить Перевод слова Fruit drink — фруктовый напиток fresh fruit — свежие фрукты to fruit well — хорошо плодоносить Fruit grows on trees. Фрукты растут на деревьях. The sun ripens the Fruit. Под солнцем зреет плод. When will the trees Fruit? Когда созреют фрукты на деревьях?...
36. Перевод слова mineMine — шахта, рудник; добывать; мой, мое Перевод слова To develop a mine — обустраивать шахту to mine diamonds — добывать алмазы abandoned mine — заброшенная шахта it is mine — это мое He is a Mine of information. Он ходячая энциклопедия. This Mine is now laid in. Эта шахта законсервирована. She’s a new love ... Читать далее...
37. Washington JokesWashington: Help! We’re Overrun By Nerds And Slackers! — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Washington: We like our state, so stay ... Читать далее...
38. One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stallOne day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating. The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew ... Читать далее...
39. A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceA guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, «Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!» The driver of Rolls looks ... Читать далее...
40. Florida JokesDumb Florida Laws Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just ... Читать далее...