Foreplay

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1. On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were havingOn the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова femaleFemale — женщина, женский; женского пола Перевод слова Female relations — родственницы female patients — пациентки female education — женское образование Female cattle are cows. Женские особи крупного рогатого скота — это коровы. A Female deer is a doe. Самка оленя называется оленихой. The workers were overwhelmingly Female. Среди работников преобладали женщины. Примеры из жизни ... Читать далее...
3. Biology ClassIn a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and asked, «If I understand, you’re saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar in male semen?» «That’s correct», responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand ... Читать далее...
4. Strict schoolIt was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy «My name is Johnny Fuckhauer». So she said «There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; ... Читать далее...
5. Safe sexA teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around. Teen says, «Grandpa, they didn’t have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases ... Читать далее...
6. The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignmentThe CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, «We need to know that ... Читать далее...
7. A young boy, about eight years old, was at the cornerA young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner «Mom & Pop» grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. «Oh, no laundry,» the boy said, «I’m going to ... Читать далее...
8. Dog washingA young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. «Nope, no laundry,» the boy said, «I’m going to wash my dog!» ... Читать далее...
9. After putting her children to bed, a motherAfter putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed ... Читать далее...
10. Everything we needA young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, «oh miss, oh ... Читать далее...
11. A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas tripA tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application. The border official look s over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write ‘Twice a week’ into the small space labeled ‘SEX’. The official explains: «No, no, no. That is not what we ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова hallHall — зал, холл Перевод слова Concert hall — концертный зал dance hall — дансинг, танцевальный зал music hall — мюзик-холл lecture hall — конференц-зал, аудитория The Hall was half-empty. Зал был наполовину пуст. This Hall will seat 5000. В этом зале 5000 мест. He stopped amidmost of the Hall. Он остановился посреди зала....
13. HomeworkOne day, when Billy came home from school, his mom asked him how his day went. He said, «We’re learning about sexual education.» She smiled, and said, «At least he’s learning something usefull.» Billy went up to his room. A little later, Billy’s mom went up to his room to call him down to dinner. ... Читать далее...
14. The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wifeThe 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man’s oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked «How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?» The old man ... Читать далее...
15. Make a last requestTwo men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning ... Читать далее...
16. Last RequestTwo men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning ... Читать далее...
17. What Not to Name Your DogEverybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog «Sex». When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said «I’d like one too.» But then I said «This is a dog.» He said he didn’t care what she looked ... Читать далее...
18. The bank manager was in the final stages of hiringThe bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand was down to two final applicants — one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, «Jim ... Читать далее...
19. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noisesLate one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked ... Читать далее...
20. A policeman was patrolling near midnightA policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы come what may[come what may] {adv. phr.} Even if troubles come; no matter what happens; in spite of opposition or mischance. Charles has decided to get a college education, come what may. The editor says we will publish the school paper this week, come what may....
22. A college professor in an anatomy class asked his studentsA college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis. The professor commented, «Oh, no, I wanted it the other way.» She replied, «What other ... Читать далее...
23. One day in class the teacherOne day in class the teacher has sex education. On the black board she draws a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is. In the back of the room, Dirty Johnny stands and says «That’s a penis, and my father has two of them». The teacher looks surprised and ... Читать далее...
24. A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noisesA man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, «help, help, I am having a heart attack», the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run ... Читать далее...
25. Wedding preparation guidelinesAnnouncement: It is the responsibility of the bride’s family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); ... Читать далее...
26. Фразовый глагол lay down — перевод и значение, пример использованияФразовый глагол: lay down Перевод: устанавливать (правила, законы, и т. п.) Пример: Lori lays down the law in her class. English only! Лори установила порядок в своем классе. Разговаривать только на английском!...
27. Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one askedDown in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, «Do you ever get to feeling horny?» «Yes,» her friend replied. «What do you do about it?» «I usually suck on a Lifesaver.» After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, «Well, what beach do you go to?»...
28. A young female teacher was giving an assignmentA young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, «What’s so funny Pat?» «Well teacher, I just ... Читать далее...
29. A man was driving through West VirginiaA man was driving through West Virginia looking for a place to move to. He saw 2 men sitting on a porch and said, «I’m moving here from the city, what do you guys do around here?» The men answered, «Go hunt’n, kill things, ‘n screw». He then asked, «What do you hunt and kill?» ... Читать далее...
30. A story with a moraleA man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. «Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.» Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. «Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.» Confused, ... Читать далее...
31. Humor about Drunk Irishmen 2Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself. The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the ... Читать далее...
32. Appropriate punishmentThrough the kitchen window a farmer’s wife sees her son coming home from school. The boy’s in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his mother says, «I saw what you did, young man! For kicking the pig ... Читать далее...
33. Course of actionOne Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. «Veronica, I just don’t know what to do,» Gloria said to her friend at work. «That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?» «Oh, my God!» her friend exclaimed. «He’ll wine you, ... Читать далее...
34. A little boy was excited about his first day at schoolA little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked ... Читать далее...
35. About Steve who wants to know about somethingsIn one day Steve came to the bathroon, when his father was washing. And Steve has seen dad’s dick and said: «Dad, what is this?» His father nervously said: «Well Steve, it’s sausage». After week he, suddenly, has seen his mum’s cunt and said: «Mum, what is this?». His mum: «Well, it’s a cat». After ... Читать далее...
36. I was shopping at our local supermarketI was shopping at our local supermarket. When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead of me. As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her, «Paper or plastic?» «It doesn’t matter,» she replied, «I’m bisacksual.»...
37. An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger ladyAn older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the ... Читать далее...
38. Good businessDr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine. After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed. «Fifteen dollars, ... Читать далее...
39. How to write a paper1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back ... Читать далее...
40. Guinea pig to become father to 400 after breaking into female enclosureRandy escaped his male only enclosure at Hatton Adventure World in Warwick and broke into the female-only area. Staff at Hatton Country World in Warwickshire couldn’t understand why they suddenly had 100 pregnant guinea pigs on their hands — until they released one of the male rodents had managed to escape his enclosure and infiltrate ... Читать далее...