Last Request

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1. Make a last requestTwo men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning ... Читать далее...
2. A guy’s on the electric chairA guy’s on the electric chair. The warden’s just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, «Do you have any last requests?» The guy says, «(hic) Yeah… (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?»...
3. Перевод слова requestRequest — запрос, заявка, просьба, требование Перевод слова To make a request — обратиться с просьбой to grant a request — удовлетворить просьбу samples sent on request — образцы высылаются по заявке She did it at my Request. Она сделала это по моей просьбе. I Requested a taxi for 8 o’clock. Я заказал такси на ... Читать далее...
4. This fellow comes to confessionThis fellow comes to confession. «Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.» The priest asked, «What did you do, my son?» «I lusted,» the fellow replied. «Tell me about it,» the priest said. The fellow then related his story. «Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in ... Читать далее...
5. A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trapSorry Texans…. A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trap. He returned to his office and called the Oklahoma game warden and told him one of his coyotes was caught in a trap. «How do you know it’s one of our coyotes?» asked the Oklahoma game warden. «Well,» replied the Texas ... Читать далее...
6. A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priestA boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest…the grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00. The boy said «Thank you, virgin Father!» The priest replied, «What did you say?» The boy repeated, «Thank ... Читать далее...
7. Having the equipmentA couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar ... Читать далее...
8. Need fishing licensesA couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush’s jumped the Game Warden!! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden. After about a half mile the fella ... Читать далее...
9. A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogueA priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out ... Читать далее...
10. The last requestFather O’Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears. «What’s bothering you so, dear?» inquired Farther O’Grady. «Oh, father, I’ve got terrible news.» Replied Mary. «Well what is it, Mary?» «Well, my husband, passed away last night, ... Читать далее...
11. One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stallOne day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating. The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew ... Читать далее...
12. It is written in the Bible!There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner. After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man. «It’s O. K.,» he replied, «it’s written in ... Читать далее...
13. Sister Mary burst into the office of the principalSister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. «Father!» she cried, «just WAIT until you hear this!» The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, » Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?» ... Читать далее...
14. An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharingAn Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying «I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork…Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, «I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd ... Читать далее...
15. Criminal steals lumberA man with a nagging secret couldn’t keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. «What did you take?» his priest asked. «Enough to build my own house and enough for my son’s house. And houses for our two ... Читать далее...
16. Kitchen AppliancesVictoria: As you can see, this Executive apartment is Fully equipped. When you called and asked for the best available apartment, I thought of this one immediately. Just look at this kitchen! All of the Appliances are Top of the line. Justin: Do you mind if I Take a closer look? I like to cook. ... Читать далее...
17. The same thingA married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest, «I had an affair with a woman… almost.» The priest says, «what do you mean almost?» The man says, «Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.» The priest replies, «Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not ... Читать далее...
18. There was this fisherman that always had a good day fishingThere was this fisherman that always had a good day fishing. His friend, the game warden, couldn’t figure out how he did it, so one day the game warden decided to go fishing with his friend. The fisherman took his friend the warden out to his favorite spot. Once there, the fisherman took a stick ... Читать далее...
19. The priest was preparing a manThe priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, «Denounce the Devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!» The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, «Why do you refuse to ... Читать далее...
20. Little MermaidThree fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?» She replied, «no sir!» So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, «Did you like that?» «Oh, indeed I did, ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы go to the chair[go to the chair] {v. phr.} To be executed in the electric chair. After many stays of execution, the criminal finally had to go to thechair....
22. Reward for goodnessThree men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, «I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, ... Читать далее...
23. The golf courseA man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, «I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you ... Читать далее...
24. A priest and a lawyer are walking downA priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, «How’d you like to fuck that?» To which the lawyer replied, «Out of what?»...
25. You tell me!A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to «enforce the laws pending.» He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, «Looks like you’ve had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?» The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden ... Читать далее...
26. Getting in an accidentA Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, «So you’re a ... Читать далее...
27. Перевод слова priestPriest — священник Перевод слова To ordain a priest — посвящать в духовный сан priest’s trappings — внешние атрибуты священника priest brethren — братья в священстве We thanked the Priest for his kind words. Мы поблагодарили священника за теплые слова. A Priest, vested in surplice. Священник, облаченный в стихарь. A Priest has eased me of ... Читать далее...
28. Very different childrenTwo ten-year-old children were exactly opposites: Bill was a die-hard optimist, and Bob a hopeless pessimist. The mom asked the psychiatrist what to do about Christmas. The doctor told her to buy all the toys she could for Bob and get Bill nothing. In fact, he said just to wrap up some manure for Bill ... Читать далее...
29. There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the marketThere was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a ... Читать далее...
30. There once was a young Irish woman who went to confessionThere once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, «Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.» The priest said, «Confess your sins and be forgiven.» The young woman said, «Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.» The priest thought long and hard ... Читать далее...
31. Irish Religion HumorFather Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, «Do you want to go to heaven?» The man said, «I do Father.» The priest said, «Then stand over there against the wall.» Then the priest asked the second man, «Do you want to got to heaven?» «Certainly, Father,» ... Читать далее...
32. Before performing a baptism, the priest approachedBefore performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, «Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?» «I think so,» the man replied. «My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.» «I don’t mean ... Читать далее...
33. Camel DiedCamel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun «I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and ... Читать далее...
34. Don’t Forget!An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor ... Читать далее...
35. Falling downThere’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, «If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!» Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would ... Читать далее...
36. Tommy goes into a confessional box and saysTommy goes into a confessional box and says, «Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.» The Priest says, «Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says «Yes father, it’s me.» The Priest says «Who was the woman you were with?» Tommy says «I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова electricElectric — электрический, наэлектризованный Перевод слова Electric light — электричество, электрическое освещение electric current — электрический ток electric atmosphere — наэлектризованная атмосфера Can you work an Electric drill? Вы можете работать электродрелью? The Electrical cord is damaged. Электрический шнур поврежден. It plugs into any Electric socket. Он подключается к любой электрической розетке. rel=»nofollow»>...
38. I have a questionA father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, «How does this boat float? The father replied, «Don’t rightly know son.» A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, «How do fish ... Читать далее...
39. Перевод слова finalFinal — завершающий, заключительный, конечный Перевод слова The final day of the term — последний день занятий the final chapter — заключительная глава this battle was final — эта битва оказалась решающей is that final? — это окончательно? He coasted through his Final exams. Он без труда сдал выпускные экзамены. You need to tackle the ... Читать далее...
40. What causes arthritis?A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled ... Читать далее...