Final wish

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1. Taking the final examTwo college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, «Old MacDonald had a ________.» Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But ... Читать далее...
2. Students miss a finalIntroductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms — so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова finalFinal — завершающий, заключительный, конечный Перевод слова The final day of the term — последний день занятий the final chapter — заключительная глава this battle was final — эта битва оказалась решающей is that final? — это окончательно? He coasted through his Final exams. Он без труда сдал выпускные экзамены. You need to tackle the ... Читать далее...
4. The bank manager was in the final stages of hiringThe bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand was down to two final applicants — one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, «Jim ... Читать далее...
5. A Jewish lady named Mrs. RosenbergA Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort — one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, «Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.» The Jewish lady said, «But your sign says that you have vacancies.» ... Читать далее...
6. A lawyer named Strange diedA lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, «Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.» The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: ... Читать далее...
7. Get me something cheapAfter being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. «How about some perfume?» he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. «That’s a bit much,» said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. «Thats ... Читать далее...
8. How did they know that Jesus was Jewish?Q: How did they know that Jesus was Jewish? A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father’s business, his mother thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin....
9. Johnny missed his final exam due to the fluJohnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод идиомы the last straw / the final straw, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: the last straw / the final straw Перевод: последняя капля Пример: The fourth time that the girl came to work late was the last straw and we finally fired her. Четвертый раз, когда девушка опоздала на работу, был последней каплей, и мы наконец ее уволили....
11. Office CompetitionOkay, everybody. Listen up. We’re approaching the end of the month. Unless you’re new here, you know that we are in Competition with our Rival, the East Coast office, to have the most sales this period. At the beginning of the month, we Pulled ahead and it looked like we were finally going To turn ... Читать далее...
12. A man called the undertaker one afternoonA man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed: «Come and bury my wife.» «But I buried your wife ten years ago,» replied the undertaker. «I got married again,» the man sobbed. «Oh,» said the undertaker. «Congratulations.»...
13. Перевод слова villageVillage — деревня, село Перевод слова Village commune — сельская община the lassies from the village — деревенские девчушки an obscure country village — глухая деревушка The whole Village was early astir. С раннего утра вся деревня была на ногах. The whole Village was engulfed in the flood. Разливом затопило всю деревню. I have lived ... Читать далее...
14. School FundraisersValerie: What’s this? A. J.: It’s a note from Rachel’s school. It’s about the next Fundraiser. Valerie: Oh no, not another one. What is it this time – a Raffle, Car wash, or Spaghetti dinner? A. J.: It’s none of those things. It’s a combination Bake sale and Craft sale. Parents are supposed To donate ... Читать далее...
15. The Australian wayAfter working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age. She ... Читать далее...
16. A work of artA tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. «What on earth,» she inquired of the artist standing nearby, «is that?» He smiled condescendingly. «That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.» ... Читать далее...
17. Is it worth it?Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. «How old was your husband?» he asked. «He was ninety-eight,» she answered softly. «Two years oder than I am.» «Really?» the undertaker said. «Hardly worth going home, wouldn’t you say?»...
18. Life Science Final ExamThe not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: «Give four advantages of breast milk.» What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Cats can’t ... Читать далее...
19. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his nameAn Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked «Can i help you sir?» Our man said «Yes, I would like to change my name.» «What is your current name?» asked the clerk. «Martin Arsehole,» replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said «I ... Читать далее...
20. A department storeA really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: ... Читать далее...
21. This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stopThis old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop. An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he’ll give her a ride home. On the way he looks her over and says «You’re a pretty good looking old broad. I’ll ... Читать далее...
22. Remember a childA young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. «Pardon me,» she said, «I’m sorry if my ... Читать далее...
23. During WW II an American soldierDuring WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not ... Читать далее...
24. Tombstone Epitaph In a Ribbesford, England, cemeteryTombstone Epitaph In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna....
25. Перевод слова tinyTiny — крошечный Перевод слова Tiny parasitic insects — маленькие насекомые-паразиты tiny spark — искорка tiny brook — ручеек tiny tot with yellow hair — малыш с золотистыми волосами The plate had a Tiny chip in the edge. На ободке тарелки была крошечная щербинка. The computer chips were Tiny. Компьютерные микросхемы были крошечные. It was ... Читать далее...
26. Dublin — ДублинDublin is a fine city, with beautiful grey stone houses. It is situated on the east coast of Ireland. If you go to Dublin you must visit its parks. They have beautiful gardens with deer, and there are markets there on Sundays. Dublin has always been a city of music. A lot of rock and ... Читать далее...
27. Gift tombstonesA husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: «Here lies my wife…..cold as ever» Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: «Here lies my husband…..stiff at last»...
28. Back in the good ole days in TexasBack in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker kept eyeing ... Читать далее...
29. A Trip to the Jewelry StoreMy wife’s birthday was Coming up And I wanted to get her a special Present. She always tells me to not to Splurge on gifts for her but For once, I decided To pull out all the stops. I went to the Jewelry Store and began looking at all of the Display cases. I started ... Читать далее...
30. A Trip to the Jewelry StoreMy wife’s birthday was Coming up And I wanted to get her a special Present. She always tells me to not to Splurge on gifts for her but For once, I decided To pull out all the stops. I went to the Jewelry Store and began looking at all of the Display cases. I started ... Читать далее...
31. Clean Ireland HumorAn English man and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both ... Читать далее...
32. Karam Chand, 110, believed to be longest-married diesThe couple were married in 1925 and they have eight children and 27 grandchildren. A man who was one half of what is believed to be the longest-married couple in the UK has died aged 110. Karam Chand, of Bradford, died on Friday after 90 years of marriage to his wife Kartari. The pair, who ... Читать далее...
33. Asking for RecommendationsHotel Clerk: Can I help you with something? Victor: Yes, I was hoping you could recommend a restaurant nearby. Clerk: What kind of food would you like? Victor: I’m not Picky. I’m looking for something moderately priced That’s within Walking distance. Clerk: There’s a good seafood restaurant called “Galeno’s” about two blocks away. Would you ... Читать далее...
34. Перевод слова coastCoast — побережье Перевод слова On the coast — на побережье off the French coast — у берегов Франции coast with an irregular outline — изрезанное побережье He lives on the Coast. Он живет на побережье. We’ll sail along the Coast. Мы проплывем вдоль берега. The boat skirted the Coast. Лодки обогнули побережье....
35. Перевод слова properProper — присущий, свойственный; правильный, надлежащий Перевод слова Feelings proper to mankind — чувства, присущие человеку in the proper way — надлежащим образом proper word — подходящее слово I want our lass to have a Proper education. Я хочу, чтобы наша девочка получила настоящее образование. You need to eat a Proper meal instead of junk ... Читать далее...
36. A technical bastardA couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn’t, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, ... Читать далее...
37. Three girls died and were brought to the gatesThree girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, «Before entering you must answer this simple question.» «Which is…?», they replied in unison. «Have you been a good girl?», he asked the first girl. ... Читать далее...
38. Impossible final examsInstructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately. Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life. Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of ... Читать далее...
39. A succession of generationsThe village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, «When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.» The apprentice ... Читать далее...
40. The newly divorced womanThe newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a «man’s world» there. Thinking that she ... Читать далее...