Главная ⇒ 📌Jokes ⇒ Excess holiday cheer

Excess holiday cheer

1. You strike a match and light your nose.

2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.

3. You hear a duck quacking and it’s you.

4. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.

5. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.

6. You hear someone say, «Call a priest!»

7. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.

8. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.

9. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.

10. You tell everyone you have to go home… and the party’s at your place.

11. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.

12. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.

13. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room… and realize you’re in front of the hall mirror.

14. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.

15. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.



My holiday travel text.
The most famous people of great britain are buried in.

Related topics:

  1. Перевод слова potatoPotato — картофель Перевод слова Potato bug — колорадский жук potato digger — картофелекопалка potato combine — картофелеуборочный комбайн Potato skin is very nutritious. Картофельная кожура — очень питательная. Somebody plugged him with a Potato. Кто-то запустил в него картошкой. Chop the Potato into bite-sized pieces. Порежьте картофель на небольшие кусочки....
  2. I have a magical dancing duckA circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they ... Читать далее...
  3. A dancing duckA circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin’ and dealin’ they ... Читать далее...
  4. Значение идиомы nose[nose] See: COUNT HEADS or COUNT NOSES, CUT OFF ONE’S NOSE TO SPITEONE’S FACE, FOLLOW ONE’S NOSE, GO INTO A TAIL SPIN or GO INTO A NOSEDIVE, HARD-NOSED, KEEP ONE’S NOSE CLEAN, KEEP ONE’S NOSE TO THEGRINDSTONE, LEAD BY THE NOSE, LOOK DOWN ONE’S NOSE AT, ON THE NOSE, PAY THROUGH THE NOSE, PUT ONE’S ... Читать далее...
  5. Перевод слова rubberRubber — резина, каучук Перевод слова Covered rubber thread — резиновая нить с обмоткой to dilute the rubber — разбавлять каучук rubber boots — резиновые сапоги Rubber is a flexible substance. Резина — это эластичное вещество. The Rubber ball bounced along. Резиновый мяч отскочил. Oil and grease will rot the Rubber of your tyres. Шины ... Читать далее...
  6. A Duck walks into a barA Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread? Barman: No, sorry, we don’t have any bread [After a few minutes] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: Look, we don’t have any bread [In a little while] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: We don’t have any F*****g bread! [Some time later] Duck: ... Читать далее...
  7. Значение идиомы wade through[wade through] {v. phr.} To read through something long andlaborious. It took John six months to wade through Tolstoy’s Warand Peace in the original Russian....
  8. Перевод слова saladSalad — салат, зелень Перевод слова Mixed salad — салат из свежих овощей Russian salad — салат-оливье fruit salad — фруктовый салат I flavored the Salad with herbs. Я приправил салат зеленью. Shred the cabbage and add it to the Salad. Нашинкуйте капусту и добавьте ее в салат. A Salad won’t be enough to satisfy ... Читать далее...
  9. Перевод слова duckDuck — утка; душка, прелесть; уходить, уклоняться Перевод слова To shoot ducks — стрелять уток she is a perfect duck — она просто прелесть to duck the issue — обойти проблему You can’t Duck out now, you made a solemn promise. Ты не можешь теперь уклониться, ты клятвенно пообещал. It’s unlawful to try to Duck ... Читать далее...
  10. Holiday Party Festivity LevelsLevel I: Your guests are conversing quietly, nibbling at their hors d’oerves, and sipping their drinks. Later, some of the gather by the piano to sing carols while others admire the ornaments on your tree. Level II: Your guests are talking loudly, wolfing hors d’oerves, and drinking from the bottles. Some people gather by the ... Читать далее...
  11. Cock fightsHow can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight? He enters a duck. How can you tell if a Pole is present? He bets money on the duck. How can you tell if an Italian is present? The duck wins....
  12. Humor about LeprechaunsAn aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn’t know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, «For HEAVENS SAKE, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!!!!!» At ... Читать далее...
  13. Перевод слова matchMatch — ровня, пара, подходить, сочетать; матч Перевод слова He’s no match for her — он ей не пара they are a good match — они подходят друг другу to match well — точно соответствовать to match colours — подбирать цвета to match images — совмещать изображения These colours don’t Match. Эти цвета плохо сочетаются. ... Читать далее...
  14. A package holiday or an own holiday plans? (opinion composition)В топике Какой отдых лучше: через турагентство или самостоятельное путешествие? сравниваются 2 варианта организации отдыха. Если вам нравится «прийти на все готовенькое», то выбирайте турагентство. Тому, кто не любит зависеть от всякого рода «расписаний», лучше выбрать самостоятельное путешествие. It is a well-known fact that many people use travel agency service, while others prefer to make ... Читать далее...
  15. Перевод слова noseNose — нос, чутье, нюх Перевод слова A dog with a good nose — собака с хорошим чутьем to have a nose for news — умение выведать все, что случилось to blow one’s nose — сморкаться nose drops — капли от насморка His Nose is very long. У него очень длинный нос. He scrunched his ... Читать далее...
  16. Значение идиомы wade in[wade in] or [wade into] {v.}, {informal} 1. To go busily to work. The house was a mess after the party, but Mother waded in and soonhad it clean again. 2. To attack. When Bill had heard Jim’sargument, he waded in and took it apart. Jack waded into the boyswith his fists flying....
  17. Перевод слова lightLight — свет, освещать, зажигать; легкий Перевод слова Brilliant light — очень яркий свет light shoes — легкие туфли light of foot — проворный, быстроногий to light up a cigar — зажечь сигару The sun gives Light. Солнце — источник света. She Lit a candle. Она зажгла свечу. Light flickers. Свет мерцает. Интересные факты Слово ... Читать далее...
  18. Cooking DinnerI’m not a very good cook but I decided to surprise my wife by making a Three-course meal. I went to the Supermarket to get the dessert, and I Stopped by the Farmer’s market to get some fresh vegetables, my Ingredients for the salad. The meal would start with a salad. I washed the vegetables ... Читать далее...
  19. Значение идиомы wildcat strike[wildcat strike] {n.}, {informal} A strike not ordered by a laborunion; a strike spontaneously arranged by a group of workers. Thegarbage collectors have gone on a wildcat strike, but the union isgoing to stop it....
  20. Question answer 06What lights up a football stadium? A football match! If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls? Cornflakes! Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere! Where do spiders play their FA Cup final? Webley stadium! When fish play football, who is the captain? The ... Читать далее...
  21. 10 Quacking Facts About Ducks«From troubles of the world I turn to ducks, Beautiful comical things» — Ducks by Frank W. Harvey From Jemima to Donald, ducks have permeated popular culture due to their friendly and entertaining nature. But far from just being waddling bundles of feathers, ducks are actually very complex creatures… 1. THEY FOLLOW THE FIRST ANIMAL ... Читать далее...
  22. Перевод слова jokeJoke — шутка, анекдот Перевод слова In joke — в шутку, шутя standing joke — неистощимый объект для шуток blue joke — пошлая шутка a corny joke — старая шутка, шутка «с бородой» It was only a Joke. Это была всего лишь шутка. The Joke was on him. Это он остался в дураках. She loves ... Читать далее...
  23. Значение идиомы duck soup[duck soup] {n.}, {slang} 1. A task easily accomplished or one that does not require much effort. That history test was duck soup. 2. A person who offers no resistance; a pushover. How’s the new history teacher? — He’s duck soup....
  24. Значение идиомы rubber check[rubber check] {n.}, {informal} A check written without enoughmoney in the bank to make it good. Bill got into trouble when hepaid his bills with rubber checks. By the time we knew he had paidus with a rubber check, the man had left the state. The rubbercheck bounced....
  25. My best holiday was Bodrum holidayВ топике Мой лучший отдых был в Бодруме – я рассказываю о том, какое впечатление на меня произвел турецкий город Бодрум и отдых на море с моей девушкой. Все было очень интересно: мы увидели много красивых и древних зданий, улиц, статуй, музеев, хорошо отдохнули на пляже и побывали на концерте. Я не первый раз отдыхал ... Читать далее...
  26. You tell me!A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to «enforce the laws pending.» He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, «Looks like you’ve had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?» The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden ... Читать далее...
  27. Значение идиомы nose in[nose in ] or [nose into ] {informal} Prying or pesteringinterest in; unwelcome interest in; impolite curiosity. He alwayshad his nose in other people’s business. Contrast: NOSE OUT OF....
  28. Перевод идиомы a hot potato, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: a hot potato Идиома: a hot potato разг. Перевод: щекотливый, спорный вопрос; острый вопрос; щекотливая тема Пример: The issue of part-time workers is a hot potato that we must deal with. Вопрос с рабочими, работающими на неполную ставку, очень щекотливый, и мы должны решить его....
  29. Значение идиомы like water off a duck’s back[like water off a duck’s back] {adv. phr.}, {informal} Withoutchanging your feelings or opinion; without effect. Advice andcorrection roll off him like water off a duck’s back. Many peopleshowed him they didn’t like what he was doing, but their disapprovalpassed off him like water off a duck’s back....
  30. Значение идиомы under one’s nose[under one’s nose] or [under the nose of] {adv. phr.}, {informal}In sight of; in an easily seen or noticeable place. The thiefwalked out of the museum with the painting, right under the nose ofthe guards. When Jim gave up trying to find a pen, he saw threeright under his nose on the desk....
  31. Перевод слова plantPlant — растение; сажать, сеять Перевод слова Garden plants — садовые растения wild plant — дикорастущее растение to plant a tree — посадить дерево to plant a garden — разбивать сад A field is Planted with corn. Поле засеянно кукурузой. The Plant has furry leaves. У этого растения пушистые листья. The Plant needs a firm ... Читать далее...
  32. Значение идиомы hot potato[hot potato] {n.}, {informal} A question that causes strongargument and is difficult to settle. Many school boards foundsegregation a hot potato in the 1960s....
  33. Перевод сленгового выражения excess baggage, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: excess baggage Перевод: человек или вещь, которые мешают; обуза, с которой приходится мириться Синоним: fifth wheel Пример: Ed wants to leave his wife and kids — he feels like they are just excess baggage. Эд хочет уйти от своей жены и детей, он считает, что они для него обуза....
  34. The Cat’s Chalkboard AssignmentsIn order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. A. Fill in the blanks 1. [xxx] is not food. Dental floss, plants, Kleenex, toilet paper, human’s homework, photographs, shoes, sweaters, socks, the couch, electrical cords/devices, phone cord, vases of flowers, my ... Читать далее...
  35. A duck in the shopA duck walks into a shop and asks the manager: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegetables? -No. We have only dry goods. The next day the duck returns: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegatables? -No. I told you yesterday, we have only dry goods. If you come back tomorrow ... Читать далее...
  36. Pessimist and a dogAn avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to ... Читать далее...
  37. Значение идиомы burn rubber[burn rubber] {v. phr.}, {slang} 1. To start up a car or a motorcycle from dead stop so fast that the tires leave a mark on the road. The neighborhood drag racers burned a lot of rubber — look at the marks on the road! 2. To leave in a hurry. I guess I am ... Читать далее...
  38. President Carter’s jokeIn an interview with David Letterman, Carter passed along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief joke. He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story ... Читать далее...
  39. A visual joke(This joke requires the use a small visual. I’ll describe the visual first, then as I tell the joke I’ll cue you when to use it) Visual: Stretch your arms straight out sideways with hands also stretched wide open. Joke: Why did the blonde want to date Jesus? She heard he was (use visual) HUNG ... Читать далее...
  40. A duck walks into a general storeA duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,»Got any fresh fruit?» «No.» «Got any fresh vegetables?» «No. We have only canned and dry goods.» The next day, the duck returns. «Got any fresh fruit?» «No.» «Got any fresh vegetables?» «No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If ... Читать далее...

Excess holiday cheer