Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch

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1. Three cowboys are sitting around a campfireThree cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins. The first says, «I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men ... Читать далее...
2. Visiting a RanchPiero: What’s all this? Annie: I’m visiting my sister and brother-in-law’s new Ranch next month and I’m getting ready for it. I know I’m a city girl, but I plan To fit right in On that ranch and work Alongside all of the other cowboys. Piero: Well, you Look the part. You’ve got your Cowboy ... Читать далее...
3. A group of cowboys were branding some cattleA group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, «Did I screw up the ... Читать далее...
4. A fellow was following a truck in heavy trafficA fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He’d then jump back into the cab in time to ... Читать далее...
5. Where are you fromThe cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, «Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.» The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. «Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I’m going ... Читать далее...
6. Ventriliquist cowboy walks into townVentriliquist cowboy walks into town and sees Indian sitting on his porch. Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him? Indian: Dog no talk. Cowboy: Hey dog, hows it going? Dog: Doin alright. Indian: [extreme look of shock] Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian] Dog: Yep Cowboy: How’s he treat you? ... Читать далее...
7. A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranchA guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, «If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he’s the one who shot it. Otherwise, he’ll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it.» The guy goes ... Читать далее...
8. This fellow comes to confessionThis fellow comes to confession. «Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.» The priest asked, «What did you do, my son?» «I lusted,» the fellow replied. «Tell me about it,» the priest said. The fellow then related his story. «Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in ... Читать далее...
9. A cowboy along with his horse and dog are captured late oneA cowboy along with his horse and dog are captured late one afternoon by hostile Indians. This presents no problem for the horse as the Indians can always use another pony. The dog’s fate is some what tenuous but it is certain that the cowboy will be burned at the stake the following sunrise. That ... Читать далее...
10. A cowboy walked into a barber shopA cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, «I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.» The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы cowboy[cowboy] {n.}, {slang}, {informal} A person who drives his car carelessly and at too great a speed in order to show off his courage. Joe’s going to be arrested some day — he is a cowboy on the highway....
12. Перевод слова fellowFellow — человек, парень, тип; товарищ, собрат Перевод слова A fellow can’t work all day long — не может же человек работать весь день jolly fellow — веселый малый fellows at school — товарищи по школе Oh, isn’t he a duck of a Fellow? Не правда ли, он просто прелесть? A tight Fellow! Хороший парень! ... Читать далее...
13. Buying A BullTwo sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last ... Читать далее...
14. Reading timeA Cowboy riding down the trail encounters an Indian laying on the trail with hard on. The Cowboy asks «what are you doing?» Indian says» Me tellum time.» Cowboy shakes his head, rides on, encounters another exactly the same. Says «You telling time?» yup» «how can you tell time like that?» Indian says «workum like ... Читать далее...
15. One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decidedOne day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each ... Читать далее...
16. Learn it by listeningTwo cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, «You see that Indian?» «Yeah,» says the other cowboy. «Look,» says the first one, «he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.» Just ... Читать далее...
17. Значение идиомы I’m telling you[I’m telling you] {informal} It is important to listen to what I amsaying. Marian is a smart girl but I’m telling you, she doesn’talways do what she promises....
18. A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with himA fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. «Your organ,» she ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы you’re telling me[you’re telling me] {interj.}, {informal} — Used to show that athing is so clear that it need not be said, or just to show strongagreement. «You’re late.» «You’re telling me!» Compare: YOU BET, YOU SAID IT....
20. The HatAn elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit ... Читать далее...
21. Texan with a new carThree cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. «I know that smart aleck Tex,» said the first. «He’s going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back.» «Not Tex,» the second cowboy replied. «He’ll always be just a good ol’ boy. When he walks in, I’m sure ... Читать далее...
22. Значение идиомы hail-fellow-well-met[hail-fellow-well-met ] {adj. phr.} Talking easily and in afriendly way to everyone you meet. John won the election as classpresident because he was hail-fellow-well-met....
23. Значение идиомы fellow traveller[fellow traveller] {n.} A sympathizer with a political movement whodoes not officially belong to the political party in question. ManyGermans after World War II were innocently accused of being fellowtravellers of Nazism. During the McCarthy era, many Americans wereaccused of being Communist fellow travellers....
24. Trust a fellow officerA defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial — it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer ... Читать далее...
25. A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desertA fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend. He’d never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this whistle — Whooee da Whoee! — but doesn’t know what it is. Predictably, he’s ... Читать далее...
26. A blond at a party was telling her friendA blond at a party was telling her friend that she was off men for life. «They lie, they cheat and they’re just no good. From now on when I want sex, I’m going to use my vibrator» «So, what when the batteries run out?» asked her friend «I’ll just fake an orgasm like always.»...
27. This fellow dies and goes to heavenThis fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions. Guy: «Why are girls so pretty?» God: «So you’ll like them.» Guy: «Why are girls soft?» God: «So you’ll like them.» Guy: «Why are girls so dumb?» God: «So they’ll like you.»...
28. A fellow in a bar notices a womanA fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. «No thank you,» she said politely.» «This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.» «That ... Читать далее...
29. A man lay sprawled across three entire seatsA man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, «Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.» The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient. «Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have ... Читать далее...
30. A bunch of Indians capture a cowboyA bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named «Clint», and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to Clint, «You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?» ... Читать далее...
31. Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate HarryMick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing thing that happened the night before. «Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse she got aroused and then ... Читать далее...
32. A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised whenA fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when confronted by a room full of beautiful blondes and kegs of beer. He asks a nearby demon if this is really hell, and what was so bad about the place. «Well,» said the demon, «the kegs all have holes in the bottoms, and the blondes ... Читать далее...
33. This fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when heThis fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. «What the hell is your problem?» the lady asked. «I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best friends pussy,» the man moaned. The lady reached ... Читать далее...
34. The right rhythmOn hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, «He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.» Horrified, Katie told her ... Читать далее...
35. A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golfA fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, ... Читать далее...
36. A state-of-the-art watchA cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, «Is your date running late?» «No», he replies,»I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just ... Читать далее...
37. A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely womenA fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women who in a short time were fighting over his attentions. They held a meeting to resolve the problem and decided that each would have his services on a different day of the week, with Sundays off for him. In due time the guy was dragging himself through ... Читать далее...
38. Looking for a monkey wrenchAn old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls underneath to investigate the problem. «Hmmm…muffler’s loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey Wrench.» He says. He crawls out from underneath the truck and ... Читать далее...
39. Without a hornJudi went to a «Dude Ranch» on vacation. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle. Judi asked what the difference was. «Well, one has a horn and the other doesn’t.» «Just get the one without the horn. I don’t think we’ll run into too much traffic out here.»...
40. Telling People Where You’re FromCora: Hi, I’m Cora. Antonio: I’m Antonio. Nice to meet you. Cora: Same here. Are you From around here? Antonio: No, I’m Originally from Arkansas. How about you? Cora: I’m a Native Californian, but I Grew up in the Middle East. My parents were in the military, so we moved Quite a bit, but mainly ... Читать далее...