Condom Modelling Rejection

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1. Made in Canada President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the American President cried, “My people’s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!” “Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you,” replied the Prime Minister. “I do need your help,” […]...
2. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again […]...
3. A man is walking past this house when a used condom A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock […]...
4. Перевод слова sympathy Sympathy – симпатия, сочувствие, расположение Перевод слова Sympathy card – открытка с выражением соболезнований counterfeit sympathy – неискреннее сострадание deep sympathy – глубокая симпатия May I express my deepest Sympathy. Позвольте мне выразить мои глубочайшие соболезнования. Sympathy is not Jack’s strong suit. Сочувствие не является сильной стороной Джека. He offered his Sympathy. Он проявил симпатию....
5. Перевод слова application Application – просьба, заявление Перевод слова Written application – письменное заявление to send in an application – подать заявление to withdraw an application – забирать прошение Please fill out this Application. Пожалуйста, заполните данное приложение. My Application was lost in the post. Мое заявление было потеряно на почте. He sent in his job Application late. […]...
6. The Story of Micro and Mini Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing. One evening he arrived home, just as the Sun was crashing and had parked his Motorola 6800 in the main drive (he missed the 5100 bus that morning […]...
7. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little […]...
8. Latex factory A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise. “The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide. “The popping sound is the needle poking […]...
9. A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and […]...
10. There was three guys, one with a rubber There was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick, and one with a nine foot dick. The guy with the rubber dick couldn’t have sex because it wasn’t hard. The guy with the wooden dick couldn’t have sex because the other person would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with […]...
11. Перевод слова romantic Romantic – романтичный, романтический Перевод слова Romantic youth – романтичный юноша romantic interlude – романтическая интерлюдия romantic comedy – романтическая комедия He is a hopeless Romantic. Он безнадежный романтик. The movie was a pretty standard Romantic comedy. Фильм оказался довольно типичной романтической комедией. His personality had Romantic and actorish elements. В его характере романтизм сочетался […]...
12. Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, “Whatcha doin’ Daddy?” Johnny’s dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. “Oh, I’m just […]...
13. A Corporate Takeover Lee: Hello, Lee Williams. Bruce: Hi, Lee. This is Bruce Eng. The reason I’m calling is to find out if there is any news about your company’s Takeover bid for Shamrock Corp. It’s been a week and I was wondering what’s happening. Lee: Hi, Bruce. I’m glad you called. I was just about to call […]...
14. One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said “you don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too […]...
15. A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel. He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was far too expensive. The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was also too expensive. Finally the […]...
16. The Australian liberal party announced today The Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party’s political stance : A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others....
17. Gimme some aspirin! Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms. “I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms.” “Yeah, I went to a dozen drug […]...
18. Playgirl Rejection Letter November 30, 1995 PLAYGIRL, INC. Dear Mrs. Smith, We wish to thank you for your letter and the polaroid picture of your husband. We agree that his appearance in our March issue as the Playgirl’s “Man of the Month” centerfold would have been a truly fitting way for you to honor your 75th anniversary of […]...
19. Rejection Letter Reject Ever wonder what to do when those rejection letters start piling up? Well here’s a suggestion: – – – – – – – – – – – – – Cut Here – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – [Date Today] Dear Mr. Kennelly: Thank you […]...
20. The Young Mans Big Mouth The Young Man’s Big Mouth A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms […]...
21. Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, “Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go.” “Good idea,” she says. “While you’re in there, pick me up some Dramamine.” The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore […]...
22. Outsourcing Operations Bonnie: I wanted us to meet today to talk about ways to reduce our Overhead. One suggestion is for us to Outsource some of our operations. I’d like to hear what you think are the Pros and cons of doing that. Jean-Luc: I think that, In principle, it’s a good idea. It would save us […]...
23. A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says “OK,” and goes to the pharmacy to buy […]...
24. A man was interviewing for a sales representative A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate would have been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcerting mannerism. He kept winking. “Look here, I’d like to give you the job, you’ve got good references and experience. The trouble is this trick you’ve got of winking all the time, it […]...
25. Applying for Unemployment Benefits Agency Employee: Hello, state Unemployment agency. George: Hello, I’d like to apply for Unemployment benefits. Agency Employee: Okay, give me your address and I’ll send you an application. George: How much can I get? Agency Employee: That depends. Your benefits are Calculated based on your Quarterly earnings. You were Laid off from your job? George: […]...
26. How to dump a guy Dear ________, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become […]...
27. Перевод слова market Market – рынок, торговля Перевод слова Covered market – крытый рынок the market in wool – торговля шерстью a dull market – вялая торговля to dominate the market – доминировать на рынке The Market is active. Рыночные цены высоки. The Market is uncertain. Состояние рынка нестабильно. The tone of the Market is dull. Настроение рынка […]...
28. Значение идиомы extend one’s sympathy to [extend one’s sympathy to] {v. phr.} To offer one’s condolences onthe occasion of a death or similarly tragic event. All of Tom’scolleagues extended their sympathy to him when his wife and daughterwere killed in a car accident....
29. After working together for a while After working together for a while, Dick and Jane’s office romance blossomed, and they really developed the hots for each other. One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust. Dick finds Jane very tight, and difficult to enter, but finally succeeds. When they are finished, Dick says […]...
30. Olympic condoms A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tells his wife about the purchase he’s just made. “Olympic condoms?” she blurts, “What makes them so special?” “There are three colors,” he explains, “gold, silver and bronze.” “So what color […]...
31. Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of […]...
32. Перевод слова product Product – продукт, изделие, результат Перевод слова Farm products – сельскохозяйственные продукты finished products – готовые изделия products of one’s labour – результаты труда product degeneration – ухудшение качества продукции We have a very large Product range. У нас очень большой ассортимент. How did you hear about our Product? Как вы узнали о нашей продукции? […]...
33. This guy walks in to a bathroom This guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a sign that says “put your dick in here, we’ll do what your wife does for you”. So the guy puts his dick in there, and they sew a button on it....
34. A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, […]...
35. One day a little boy over heard his parents One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing, “You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!” The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out […]...
36. Перевод слова decide Decide – принимать решение, решать Перевод слова To decide a point – решить вопрос to decide a battle – решить исход битвы that decides me! – решено! It’s up to you to Decide. Решай сам. This is for you to Decide. Это вам решать. She Decided on the green hat. Она выбрала зеленую шляпу....
37. A Product Recall Melissa: This is a Disaster! If we have to Recall 100,000 units, we’ll take a huge Loss this year. Lee: We have no choice. The Product defect poses a Safety hazard. If we don’t act quickly, we’ll have a huge Liability issue On our hands. Melissa: I think we’re Blowing this out of proportion. Only […]...
38. Finding a Niche in Business Hello, business students. I’m here today At your professor’s request to talk to you about the importance of finding your own Niche in business. Conventional wisdom says that people in business need To diversify their Skill sets so that they can be the most flexible in whatever field they decide to enter. While there is […]...
39. Синонимы к слову “маленький” (small), лексика по теме Small – маленький Little – маленький Tiny (teeny) – крошечный Short – низкого роста, короткий Petite – миниатюрный Trifling – пустяковый, маловажный Pocket-size – карманный Miniature (mini) – миниатюрный Diminutive – крохотный Paltry – ничтожный, мелкий Dwarf (dwarfish) – карликовый Minuscule – мизерный Minor – незначительный Tiddly – махонький Microscopic (micro) – микроскопический Meager – […]...
40. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a […]...