Gimme some aspirin!

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1. The Young Mans Big Mouth The Young Man’s Big Mouth A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms […]...
2. A man was interviewing for a sales representative A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate would have been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcerting mannerism. He kept winking. “Look here, I’d like to give you the job, you’ve got good references and experience. The trouble is this trick you’ve got of winking all the time, it […]...
3. A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says “OK,” and goes to the pharmacy to buy […]...
4. The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn’t sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, “Compared to what?” She held up one finger and asked if I […]...
5. Значение идиомы six of one and half-a-dozen of the other [six of one and half-a-dozen of the other] {n. phr.} Two things thesame; not a real choice; no difference. Which coat do you likebetter, the brown or the blue? It’s six of one and half-a-dozen of theother. Johnny says it’s six of one and half-a-dozen of the otherwhether he does the job tonight or tomorrow […]...
6. Strategy The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enuff of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married. As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug store, a co-worker said, “In the past 3 weeks you’ve […]...
7. Перевод слова half Half – половина, частичный Перевод слова A half knowledge of the subject – недостаточное знание предмета half light – неполный свет half the profits – половина прибылей half empty – наполовину пустой It’s Half past one. Сейчас половина второго. What is Half of six? Сколько будет, если шесть разделить пополам? Two Halves make a whole. […]...
8. The wife is not speaking to me One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. “What’s the matter?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy “and now she isn’t talking to me for a […]...
9. Olympic condoms A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tells his wife about the purchase he’s just made. “Olympic condoms?” she blurts, “What makes them so special?” “There are three colors,” he explains, “gold, silver and bronze.” “So what color […]...
10. Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. Peter asks: “Oh dear, what happened to you?” Di answers: “I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, he looks much worse”. Half an hour later Dodi shows up and St. Peter says: “My God, you look terrible.” Dodi […]...
11. Значение идиомы half [half] See: GO HALVES, GO OFF HALF-COCKED also GO OFF AT HALF COCK, IN HALF, SIX OF ONE AND HALF-A-DOZEN OF THE OTHER, TIME AND A HALF, TOO-BY HALF....
12. Types of Shopping Areas Sarah: Come on! We only have two more hours before the stores close and I want to make it to the Outlet stores. Aidan: I thought that when you asked if I wanted to spend the day together, you meant we’d go somewhere for lunch, go to a movie, or just Hang out. Sarah: Isn’t […]...
13. Types of Shopping Areas Sarah: Come on! We only have two more hours before the stores close and I want to make it to the Outlet stores. Aidan: I thought that when you asked if I wanted to spend the day together, you meant we’d go somewhere for lunch, go to a movie, or just Hang out. Sarah: Isn’t […]...
14. Asking for Information About a Coworker Amina: What’s the Lowdown on the new guy? Earl: Which new guy? Amina: You know, the cute one. Fill me in. Is he single? Earl: I don’t know. I have no idea. Amina: You’re working with him side-by-side and you haven’t Gleaned any personal information about him? Earl: We talk about work. It’s not my […]...
15. A man stops by a diner at noon A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and […]...
16. This man got his prescription for Viagra This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home in an hour.” “Perfect,” she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He […]...
17. Перевод слова dozen Dozen – дюжина, множество Перевод слова Round dozen – ровно дюжина in dozens, by the dozen – дюжинами dozens of people – множество людей How much are eggs per Dozen? Почем дюжина яиц? I’ve heard this story a Dozen times before. Я уже слышал эту историю раз десять. Skilled stalkers are shooting up to a […]...
18. Constantly complaining A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour., Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth […]...
19. Slight confusion One night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,”Honey, can you go over […]...
20. The Barber Shop This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About 2 hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a […]...
21. A young bloke has started work on a property A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he’s half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he’s all right. “I’ve got a problem, Boss. I’m stuck ‘ere. I’ve hit a […]...
22. A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night and rolls over and shoves an aspirin down his wife’s throat. All of a sudden she wakes up and yells, “What the fuck are you doing?” “Just giving you an aspirin for your headache.” The bloke answered. “But I ain’t got a headache,” she yelled […]...
23. Значение идиомы baker’s dozen [baker’s dozen] {n.}, {informal} Thirteen. “How many of the jelly doughnuts, Sir? ” the sales clerk asked. “Oh, make it a baker’s dozen.”...
24. Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, “Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go.” “Good idea,” she says. “While you’re in there, pick me up some Dramamine.” The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore […]...
25. Latex factory A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise. “The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide. “The popping sound is the needle poking […]...
26. Перевод слова drug Drug – медикамент, лекарство, наркотик Перевод слова Drug administration – применение лекарств drug plant – лекарственное растение to take drugs – принимать наркотики He has a Drug addiction. У него наркотическая зависимость. This Drug aggravates the pain. Этот препарат усиливает боль. The Drug should be taken orally. Препарат следует принимать внутрь....
27. A dangerous job This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. “Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. “Boy,” is the man’s response. “Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there,” says […]...
28. Made in Canada President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the American President cried, “My people’s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!” “Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you,” replied the Prime Minister. “I do need your help,” […]...
29. Перевод сленгового выражения gimme, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: gimme Перевод: приобретательство, стремление получить еще больше Пример: The professor said that what we had today was a gimme’s society. Профессор сказал, что сегодняшнее общество – общество потребления. I’m tired of receiving gimme letters from them. Я устал получать от них письма с требованиями....
30. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again […]...
31. A young couple gets married, and the groom A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left ajar. She peeks in and sees 3 golf balls and $6,000. She confronts […]...
32. Значение идиомы chain stores [chain stores] {n.} A series of stores in different locations, joined together under one ownership and general management. The goods in chain stores tend to be more uniform than in independent ones....
33. Talking About Inventory Foreman: Okay, people. Listen up. This is your first day on the job in this Warehouse and you need to know what we do here. This warehouse keeps all of the Stock for the 10 stores in this region. We get merchandise from the Supplier and it’s our job to organize it and Store it […]...
34. A man comes to a doctor and A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, “Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?” “Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!” announces a proud physician, “They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You […]...
35. The subway car was packed The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, “Sir, if you don’t stop poking me with your thing, I’m going to the cops!” “I don’t know what you’re talking about miss – that’s just my […]...
36. Constipation problem Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half – hour in the morning […]...
37. Crazy people talk A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient […]...
38. How far to the town A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town. A rancher rode past. “Say, friend”, called out one of the men, “how far is it to the next town?” […]...
39. Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at […]...
40. Expiry dates on some drugs “meaningless” lawsuit charges Headache and cold pills and painkillers may be safe well beyond their best before dates class action suit alleges. Three big drug multinationals are bilking billions of dollars from consumers by telling them to throw away still good but expired headache and cold pills, three class action lawsuits allege. The lawsuits target Bayer Healthcare for […]...