College cafeteria joke

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1. College bar jokeWhen I was in college our RA told us of a good one that (supposedly) some friends had pulled a couple of years earlier. These two guys made up a concoction of all kinds of left overs, semi-pureed it in a blender, and filled a hot water bottle with it. One of them took the ... Читать далее...
2. And yet another college dorm jokeI have lived in several different houses with a bunch of guys. Needless to say things got pretty rowdy sometimes and many were victims of some pretty funny jokes. One of the favorites as I recall (and still is) is to go into the bathroom while the victim is taking a shower, and pour a ... Читать далее...
3. Yet another dorm jokeHere’s one that my roommate and myself did to a residence buddy. One morning (early) we taped together a bunch of sheets of newspaper to cover the victims doorframe. Then taped this big sheet over the doorframe which left a gap of about two or three inches between the sheet and the door. Then we ... Читать далее...
4. Значение идиомы cow college[cow college] {n.}, {slang} 1. An agricultural college; a school where farming is studied. A new, bigger kind of apple is being grown at the cow college. 2. A new or rural college not thought to be as good as older or city colleges. John wanted to go to a big college in New York ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова collegeCollege — колледж Перевод слова College diploma — диплом об окончании колледжа college graduate — выпускник колледжа the cloistered atmosphere of a small college — замкнутая атмосфера маленького колледжа He studied film in College. Он изучал кино в колледже. I started College last week. Я поступил в колледж на прошлой неделе. We met each other ... Читать далее...
6. College dorm jokeTwo very hot-headed people lived directly across the halls from each other. Dave got a piece of 1/2″ rope and tied their doors together with about a 6″ gap of slack. Waited until 2:30am and knocked REALLY HARD on both doors. Interesting way to wake up…having two steaming mad football jerks slamming each other’s doors ... Читать далее...
7. Значение идиомы old college try[old college try] {n. phr.} An attempt to win a favor from anotherby mentioning the fact that one had gone to the same college oruniversity as the party from whom the favor is requested. Since heneeded a job, he decided to use the old college try when he contactedJerry, but it didn’t work. Compare: OLD ... Читать далее...
8. The Eighteen BottlesI had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else… I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with ... Читать далее...
9. Значение идиомы College Boards[College Boards] {n.} A set of examinations given to test a student’s readiness and ability for college. John got a high score on his College Boards. College Boards test both what a student has learned and his ability to learn....
10. Dropping Out of CollegeAaron: Mom, I have something to tell you and you’re not going to like it. Margo: What is it? Aaron: I’m Dropping out of college. I want to get out into The real world and get a job. I’m wasting time in school. Margo: You’ll get a better job if you stay in school and ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова liquidLiquid — жидкость, жидкий, текучий Перевод слова Liquid body — жидкое вещество clear liquid — прозрачная жидкость liquid melody — плавная мелодия Water and milk are Liquids. Вода и молоко — жидкости. Pour the surplus of this Liquid immediately away. Немедленно вылей остаток этой жидкости. A substance passes from the solid to the Liquid state. ... Читать далее...
12. A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coatA woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. «HA,» he snorted, «The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!» On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrusts her pubic area forward. «There! I ... Читать далее...
13. The College Food ChainTHE DEAN Leaps tall buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Gives policy to God THE DEPARTMENT HEAD Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Talks with ... Читать далее...
14. Hair on my chestA woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. «HA!» he snorted. «The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!» On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, «There! I ... Читать далее...
15. Paying for CollegeChris: Which colleges are you applying to? Marcella: None. I can’t afford to go to college. Even if I lived at home, Tuition, fees, and books are just too expensive. Chris: You could apply for Financial aid. Marcella: I don’t want to get a bunch of Loans and be In debt for the next 10 ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы soak up[soak up] {v.} 1. To take up water or other liquid as a spongedoes. The rag soaked up the water that I spilled. 2. To use asponge or something like a sponge to take up liquid. John soaked upthe water with the rag. 3. {informal} To take up into yourself in theway a sponge takes ... Читать далее...
17. Practical JokeA couple was planning on getting married. Seeing how they didn’t have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided tojust go back to their new apartment after the wedding. The groom had three close friends, that were prone to committing practical jokes. One being a carpenter, the other a ordinary guy, and the ... Читать далее...
18. The Microsoft waiterPatron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, it’s still there. Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try eating it ... Читать далее...
19. Мой колледж/ My CollegeНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык My College Мой колледж My name is Elena. I’m sixteen years old. I live in Kazan city, Russia. I have recently graduated from my high school and entered the Kazan Medical College. It is one of the best colleges in the city. Besides, I have always wanted to ... Читать далее...
20. Колледж/ CollegeНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык College Колледж All high school children face the problem of choosing their future profession. Before graduating from school they decide which college or university to enter. To pass entrance exams is a real challenge for young people. It requires hard intellectual work and lots of effort. At college ... Читать далее...
21. A college couple is under a tree on campus making outA college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, «I wish you had a flashlight.» He says, «Why’s that?» She says, «Because you’ve been eating grass for fifteen minutes.»...
22. Перевод слова soupSoup — суп, похлебка Перевод слова To make a meal of soup — приготовить суп soup meat — суповое мясо soup mix — овощная смесь для супа The Soup is too hot. Суп слишком горячий. This Soup lacks salt Этот суп недосолен. A hot Soup will revive me Горячий суп вернет меня к жизни....
23. Перевод слова chestChest — грудная клетка, ящик, коробка Перевод слова Medicine chest — домашняя аптечка weak chest — слабые легкие chest case — раненный в грудь He was shot in the Chest. Его уложили выстрелом в грудь. He has a broad Chest. У него широкая грудная клетка. The Chest was bagged up with money. Сундук только что ... Читать далее...
24. A college professor’s going to bed with his wifeA college professor’s going to bed with his wife. He’s not that tired, so he’s gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So he’s reading, and every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun spot… «Kitza kitza…» She says, «Will you stop that! Will you stop ... Читать далее...
25. A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasureA college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He says, «A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse.» One student stands up and says, «Professor, ... Читать далее...
26. Three college students were rapping about who they’d like to beThree college students were rapping about who they’d like to be cast off on a desert with. The first one opted for Cindy Crawford. The next one chose Pamela Anderson. The third man chose Virginia Pipeline. «Never heard of her.» his companions protested. «Who is she?» «Why she’s just the greatest Italian gal of all, ... Читать далее...
27. The dean of women at an exclusive girl’s collegeThe dean of women at an exclusive girl’s college was lecturing her students on sexual morality. «In moments of temptation,» said the speaker to the class, «ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?» A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: «How ... Читать далее...
28. A college professor in an anatomy class asked his studentsA college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis. The professor commented, «Oh, no, I wanted it the other way.» She replied, «What other ... Читать далее...
29. There is a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the MeadowlandsThere’s a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who’s driving from McGwire in South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. In the middle of the night with no other cars on ... Читать далее...
30. College DormOn the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: «The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.» He continued, «Anybody caught breaking this rule the ... Читать далее...
31. An abstract jokeTwo bananas are lying on a river bank when a turd comes floating by. The turd looks over and says, «Hey! Come on in! The water’s fine!» One banana turns to the other banana and says, «Do you believe that shit?»...
32. Three college roommates — two females and a maleThree college roommates — two females and a male — began to argue after dinner about whose turn it was to do the dishes. «All right,» one of the girls said, «the first one to speak has to do them.» The trio retired to the living room to watch TV. When their neighbor, a school ... Читать далее...
33. By definitionA young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt.’s green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say’s, «Why yes I am…you wanna wear my hat?» The boy nods and the ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы on one’s chest[on one’s chest] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Hidden in your thoughts orfeelings and bothering you; making you feel worried or upset; that issomething you want to talk to someone about. Jane looks unhappybecause she has the quarrel with Susan on her chest. «Well, Dave,»said the coach, «You look sad — what’s on your chest?» Compare: ONONE’S ... Читать далее...
35. At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturerAt the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, «Will we have to fight a World War Three?» «Yes, comrades, looks like ... Читать далее...
36. Chemist’s last wordsThe last words of a chemist: 1. And now the tasting test. 2. May that become hot? 3. And now a little bit from this… 4. … and please keep that test tube alone! 5. And now shake it a bit. 6. Why is there no label on this bottle? 7. In which glass was ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова fillFill — наполнять, заправлять, переполнять Перевод слова Water filled the pool — вода наполнила бассейн fish filled the rivers — реки были полны рыбы to fill a bucket with water — налить полное ведро воды to fill a page with writing — исписать страницу I’ve eaten my Fill. Я наелся. The hall soon Filled. Зал ... Читать далее...
38. Outhouse jokeA few years ago some members of the infamous Dartmouth Outing Club pushed an occupied one-seat outhouse off its foundations, onto its door. The victim tried in vain for a few minutes to roll the entire building onto a different side, but soon gave up, as it was too heavy. She then was forced to ... Читать далее...
39. Упражнения на исчисляемые и неисчисляемые существительные (с ответами)1. Распределите следующие существительные на две группы. Paper – bottle – porridge – happiness — pencil — coffee – girl – work – job – plate – dog – meat — news – apricot – toothpaste – time — bedroom – money — magazine – information – honey — metal – child – yoghurt – ... Читать далее...
40. Phone joke IIOne night when you have a few friends around, take turns calling the same phone number, a really obnoxious acquaintance that won’t recognize your voices is always a good choice. When the person answers, try to leave a message for John Smith (or any name that sounds real). Insist that you have the right number ... Читать далее...