Collection 03
Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I’ll arrange it with the undertaker.
People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of.
Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
When you get to the men’s room, you will see a sign that says, “Gentlemen.” Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.
The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.
You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.
All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don’t you send them a penny and square the account?
I heard you have hair on your chest, and that’s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin.
No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.
There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.
Sit down and give your mind a rest.
Related topics:
- A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. “HA,” he snorted, “The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!” On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrusts her pubic area forward. “There! I […]...
- Hair on my chest A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. “HA!” he snorted. “The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!” On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, “There! I […]...
- Collection 11 You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid. I know you are nobody’s fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer […]...
- Excuses for refusing dates Age EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES 17 Need to wash my hair 25 Need to wash and condition my hair 35 Need to color my hair 48 Need to have Francois color my hair 66 Need to have Francois color my wig...
- Collection 01 If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people’s hair. […]...
- Manly signs “Doctor, doctor!” shouted the woman coming into the doctors offfice. “I think I’m turning into a man” then the doctor says, ” Now hold on little lady what makes you think that you’re turning into a man?” ” Well” said the woman “I’m starting to grow hair on my chest” and then the doctor asked, […]...
- Collection 12 What’s the latest dope – besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You don’t believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you […]...
- Collection 08 For two cents, I’d give you a piece of my mind – and all of yours. You are the only person I’ve ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the […]...
- Перевод слова chest Chest – грудная клетка, ящик, коробка Перевод слова Medicine chest – домашняя аптечка weak chest – слабые легкие chest case – раненный в грудь He was shot in the Chest. Его уложили выстрелом в грудь. He has a broad Chest. У него широкая грудная клетка. The Chest was bagged up with money. Сундук только что […]...
- Letters to a landlord Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door. […]...
- Значение идиомы color [color] See: CHANGE COLOR, GIVE COLOR TO or LEND COLOR TO, HAUL DOWN ONE’S COLORS, HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR, NAIL ONE’S COLORS TO THE MAST, OFF-COLOR or OFF-COLORED, SAIL UNDER FALSE COLORS, SEE THE COLOR OF ONE’S MONEY, SHOW ONE’S COLORS, WITH FLYING COLORS....
- Collection 16 At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people – you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens […]...
- Being a Divorced Parent Oscar: How are you adjusting to being a Single parent? Penny: It hasn’t been easy, but Paul and I are trying to be as Civil as possible. We worked out Joint custody so that Mina will get Quality time with both of us. Still, it’s been an Adjustment for her. Oscar: I’m sure, and for […]...
- Collection 04 I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I’ll think so. Man alive! But I wish you weren’t. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your […]...
- Пословица / поговорка a penny saved is a penny earned / a penny saved is a penny gained – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: a penny saved is a penny earned / a penny saved is a penny gained Перевод: не истратил пенни – значит, заработал Пример: A penny saved is a penny earned and it is just as important to be careful spending money as it is to earn money. Не истратить пенни почти то […]...
- Значение идиомы account [account] See: CALL TO ACCOUNT, CHARGE ACCOUNT, LEAVE OUT OF ACCOUNT, ON ACCOUNT, ON ACCOUNT OF, ON ONE’S ACCOUNT, ON ONE’S OWN ACCOUNT, SAVINGS ACCOUNT, TAKE INTO ACCOUNT....
- Collection 06 We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, “Do not come home and all will be forgiven”. You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I […]...
- How Army policy began This is Army policy all begins… Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes […]...
- Collection 02 Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that’s the best friend you can get. I don’t think you are a fool. But then, what’s my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how […]...
- Значение идиомы on one’s chest [on one’s chest] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Hidden in your thoughts orfeelings and bothering you; making you feel worried or upset; that issomething you want to talk to someone about. Jane looks unhappybecause she has the quarrel with Susan on her chest. “Well, Dave,”said the coach, “You look sad – what’s on your chest?” Compare: ONONE’S […]...
- Значение идиомы give color to [give color to] or [lend color to] {v. phr.} To make seem true or likely. The boy’s torn clothes gave color to his storyof a fight. The way the man ate lent color to his story of nearstarvation....
- Значение идиомы pinch pennies [pinch pennies] {v. phr.}, {informal} Not spend a penny more thannecessary; be very saving or thrifty. When Tom and Mary were savingmoney to buy a house, they had to pinch pennies. – [penny-pincher]{n.}, {informal} A stingy or selfish person; miser. He spent solittle money that he began to get the name of a penny-pincher. -[penny-pinching] […]...
- Перевод слова replace Replace – заменять, возвращать Перевод слова To replace the receiver – положить телефонную трубку to replace a tyre – заменить шину buses are replacing the trams – автобусы вытесняют трамваи He Replaced the old razor blade Он заменил старое лезвие бритвы. She was named to Replace him as the company’s vice president. Ее назначили, чтобы […]...
- Значение идиомы turn an honest penny [turn an honest penny] {v. phr.} To realize a good profit. Tomturned an honest penny in the soybean trading business. Compare:PRETTY PENNY....
- Значение идиомы change color [change color] {v. phr.} 1. To become pale. The sight was so horrible that Mary changed color from fear. Bill lost so much blood from the cut that he changed color. 2. To become pink or red in the face; become flushed; blush. Mary changed color when the teacher praised her drawing. Tom got angry […]...
- Значение идиомы off-color [off-color] or [off-colored] {adj.} 1. Not of the proper hue orshade; not matching a standard color sample. The librariancomplained that the painter had used an off-color green on the walls. 2. {informal} Not of the proper kind for polite society; in bad taste;dirty. When Joe finished his off-color story, no one was pleased....
- College cafeteria joke Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), […]...
- Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
- Three calamities Three guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second […]...
- Значение идиомы horse of a different color [horse of a different color] or [horse of another color] {n. phr.},{informal} Something altogether separate and different. Anyone canbe broke, but to steal is a horse of a different color. Do youmean that the boy with that pretty girl is her brother? I thought hewas her boyfriend. Well, that’s a horse of another color....
- Значение идиомы take into account [take into account] {v. phr.} To remember and understand whilejudging someone or something; consider. How much time will we needto get to the lake? You have to take the bad road into account. His acting in the play was remarkable, taking into account his youthand inexperience. Syn.: RECKON WITH. Contrast: LEAVE OUT OF ACCOUNT....
- Моя коллекция/ My Collection На английском языке Перевод на русский язык My Collection Моя коллекция Hobbies in most people’s lives occupy important place. In this case I’m not an exception. My hobby from the very early age is collecting stamps and coins from different countries. Most of the samples were given to me by my father who in his […]...
- Перевод идиомы penny pincher, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: penny pincher Идиома: penny pincher разг. Перевод: крохобор, скряга Пример: The man is a penny pincher and will never spend any money. Этот человек – скряга, и он никогда не потратит ни на что денег....
- Перевод слова square Square – площадь; квадратный, четырехугольный Перевод слова A table 4 feet square – стол в 4 фута в длину и в ширину square foot – квадратный фут solid square – куб square for dancing – танцевальная площадка The Square of 4 is 16. Квадрат 4-х равен 16-и. First of all, draw a Square. Прежде всего, […]...
- An old man goes into the Social Security Office An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, […]...
- Значение идиомы pretty penny [pretty penny] {n. phr.} A large amount of money. Their newhouse is so big and modern that we’re sure it must have cost them apretty penny....
- Значение идиомы bottle blond [bottle blond] {n.}, {slang} A person who is obviously not a natural blond but whose hair is artificially colored. I doubt that Leonora’s hair color is natural; she strikes me as a bottle blond....
- Collection 09 ClassYou must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high. In the next life, you’ll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house – the doghouse! When you die, I’d like […]...
- Collection 05 Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. It’s your life – but I wish you’d let us have it. Hey, act your age – senile! I’ve had many cases of love that […]...
- Collection 10 Why don’t you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex – and it’s fully justified. You are not as bad as people say – you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? […]...