The Lord said to Noah, «In six months, I’m going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark.» Six months passed. The skies began to cloud and rain began to fall. Noah sat in his front yard, weeping. «Why haven’t you built the ark?» asked the Lord. «Oh, forgive me,» said Noah. «I did my best, but so many things happened. «The blueprints you gave me didn’t meet the city’s code and I had to change them. Then the city said I was violating the zoning ordinance by building an ark in my front yard, so I had to get a varience.. «The Forest Service required tree-cutting permits, and I was sued by a state animal rights group when I tried to gather up the animals. «The EPA required an environmental impact statement concerning the flood. the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plain. «The IRS seized all my assets, claiming I was trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and the Equal Opportunity Commission said I wasn’t hiring enough Croatians. «I’m sorry, Lord, but I can’t finish the ark for at least five years.» Suddenly the rain stopped, the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. Noah looked up and said, «Lord, does this mean you’re not going to devastate the earth?» «Right,» said the Lord. «The government already has.»
Мой любимый месяц перевод по английски.
My home is my castle перевод.
Related topics:
- Noah And Today’s ArkNoah And Today’s Ark The Lord spoke to Noah and said, «Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова yardYard — ярд; двор Перевод слова To sell by the yard — продавать на ярды (ткань и т. п.) all over the yard — по всему двору poultry yard — птичий двор The dog ran loose in the Yard. Собака свободно бегала по двору. The kids built a snowman in the front Yard. Дети слепили ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова floodFlood — наводнение, потоп, поток Перевод слова Flood level — уровень наводнения или паводка before the Flood — в допотопные времена flood of rain — потоки дождя Anger Flooded him. Гнев переполнял его. The Flood took many lives. Наводнение унесло жизни многих людей. The Flood left them homeless. Потоп оставил их без крова. Примеры из ... Читать далее...
- The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, andThe teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off. She goes bitching to Little Johnny’s father. She comes to Little Johnny’s house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goat in the front yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father «Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now….now ... Читать далее...
- Holidays in Armenia. VardavarТопик Праздники в Армении. Вардавар – рассказывает об одном из самых интересных и любимых и взрослыми, и детьми празднике в Армении. Этот праздник отмечается в 14-ое воскресенье после Пасхи и посвящен языческой богине любви и воды, хотя некоторые историки считают, что Вардавар связан с именем Ноя и посвящен библейскому Великому Потопу. В этот день вы ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова earthEarth — земля, суша, планета Земля, почва Перевод слова The greatest poet on earth — величайший поэт на земле clayey earth — глинистая почва earth electrode — заземляющий провод The sun parched the Earth. Солнце иссушило землю. The moisture will eventually fall to Earth in the form of rain or snow. В конце концов эта ... Читать далее...
- The ReverendFrancis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, ... Читать далее...
- Two neighbors had been fighting each otherTwo neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill’s yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill’s yard. After about a year ... Читать далее...
- The ages of manGod created the mule, and told him, ‘you will be Mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years. The mule answered: ‘To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more ... Читать далее...
- Just cut your hair firstA young man comes home and says «Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.» Father replies, :»O. K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months ... Читать далее...
- Reward for goodnessThree men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, «I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, ... Читать далее...
- A pastor in Maine skipped services one SundayA pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting. Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. the pastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and ... Читать далее...
- A Weather ForecastColleen: Shh! I want to hear the Weather forecast for this week. Jerry: What’s so important about this week? Colleen: Shh! Radio Announcer: Tomorrow, this Warm front will move out and a Cold front will move in, bringing with it Windy conditions with a chance of Thunderstorms. Colleen: Yeah! Radio Announcer: On Tuesday, things will ... Читать далее...
- How did you do that??Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. «Well, Morrie, how’s your warehouse business going?» . «Oy vey, Abraham, it’s not going so good, we had a flood last week.» «So, Morrie,» whispers Abraham «How do you start a flood?»....
- One day in the Garden of EdenOne day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, «Lord, I have a problem!» «What’s the problem, Eve?» «Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I’m just not happy.» «Why is that, Eve?» came the ... Читать далее...
- Seymour was a good and pious manSeymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. «Hungry, Seymour?» the Lord asked. «I could eat,» said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова lordLord — господин, повелитель; командовать, помыкать Перевод слова Our sovereign lord the King — король, наш верховный повелитель the House of Lords — палата лордов lord of the manor — владелец поместья he will not be lorded over — он не позволит командовать собой He Lords it over his friends. Он помыкает своими друзьями. Lord ... Читать далее...
- Actual Science Tests ReportThese are reputedly real answers to questions on science tests. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state. When ... Читать далее...
- You might be a redneck if 03You might be a redneck if… There are more than five McDonald’s bags currently on the floorboard of your car. Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette. There is a wasp nest in your living room. The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice. You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his ... Читать далее...
- Doing the DishesA young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust. He tells ... Читать далее...
- Перевод идиомы praise someone or something to the skies, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: praise someone or something to the skies Перевод: превозносить кого-либо или что-либо до небес Пример: The teachers praised the principal to the skies for the new policies at the school. Учитель превознес директора школы до небес из-за новой политики в школе....
- Important thoughts*Question: What is one horsepower? *Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. *You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it you got hit, so never mind. *Talc is found on ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы rain cats and dogs[rain cats and dogs] or [rain buckets] or [rain pitchforks] {v. phr.}, {informal} To rain very hard; come down in torrents. In themiddle of the picnic it started to rain cats and dogs, and everybodygot soaked. Terry looked out of the window and said, «It’s rainingpitchforks, so we can’t go out to play right now.»...
- Ideas About ScienceThe beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain’s contention that the ‘most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. Q: What is one horsepower? A: One horsepower is the amount ... Читать далее...
- A husband and wife were in their back yardA husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her expanding backside. He commented, «Boy, your ass is getting big. almost as big as the gas grill here.» She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, «Yep, that thing is getting huge.» At this, the wife retreated to the ... Читать далее...
- Landscaping a HomeMona: I want a Lawn. I’ve always pictured our new house with a lawn. Kellan: Lawns require a lot of water and Upkeep. I think we should use Hardscape for most of the yard and plant only Drought-tolerant plants. Mona: I don’t want my yard to be full of Gravel and rocks. I picture a ... Читать далее...
- Studying the twinkiesIn an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments: Exposure A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова animalAnimal — животное, зверь Перевод слова Dumb animal — бессловесная тварь animal fat — животный жир free animal — животное, находящееся на свободе Man is a rational Animal. Человек — это разумное животное. She loves all kinds of Animals. Она любит все виды животных. The Animal died a painful death. Животное умерло мучительной смертью. Примеры ... Читать далее...
- One day the teacher decides to play an animal gameOne day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says «See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?» Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a ... Читать далее...
- Describing Height and BuildGwen: Do you see that Heavyset guy over there, the one Towering over everyone else? Denzel: Yeah, what about him? Gwen: He’s my Ex-boyfriend. I haven’t seen him in years. When I knew him he was really Skinny. He’s really Put on a few pounds. It’s amazing what a few years can do. Denzel: None ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова buildBuild — строить; телосложение Перевод слова To build a railway — строить железную дорогу heavy build — крепкое телосложение to build up muscles — наращивать мускулы He has a slim Build. У него худощавое телосложение. You have to Build up trust. Вы должны выстроить доверие. Birds Build nests by instinct. Птицы строят гнезда инстинктивно....
- Значение идиомы build up[build up] {v.} 1. To make out of separate pieces or layers; construct from parts. Johnny built up a fort out of large balls of snow. Lois built up a cake of three layers. 2. To cover over or fill up with buildings. The fields where Tom’s father played as a boy are all built ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы build up to[build up to] {v. phr.} To be in the process of reaching a culmination point. The clouds were building up to a violent storm. Their heated words were building up to a premature divorce....
- Neighborhood jokes1) Got a neighbor that’s a real pain in the ass? Do they have a lawn? Do they have a garden that’s accessible? Yes to all the above? Great! Go out and get yourself some grass-killer and fill the suckers hose with the stuff. Then sit back and wait for them water their lawn! Nuff ... Читать далее...
- What and who am IA snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы build a fire under[build a fire under] {v. phr.} To urge or force to action; get moving; arouse. The health department built a fire under the restaurant owner and got him to clean the place up by threatening to cancel his license....
- Значение идиомы build castles in the air[build castles in the air] or [build castles in Spain] {v. phr.} To make impossible or imaginary plans, dream about future successes that are unlikely. He liked to build castles in the air, but never succeeded in anything. To build castles in Spain is natural for young people and they may work hard enough to ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы build on sand[build on sand] {v. phr.} To lay a weak or insufficient foundation for a building, a business, or a relationship. «I don’t want to build my business on sand,» John said, «so please. Dad, give me that loan I requested.»...
- Значение идиомы water[water] See: BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, DEEP WATER, FISH OUT OF WATER, GO THROUGH HELL AND HIGH WATER, HEADABOVE WATER, HOLD WATER, HELL AND HIGH WATER, HOT WATER, LIKE WATER, LIKE WATER OFF A DUCK’S BACK, MAKE ONE’S MOUTH WATER, OF THE FIRSTWATER, POUR OIL ON TROUBLED WATERS, THROW ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова rainRain — дождь; литься, сыпаться Перевод слова Her eyes rain tears — у нее ручьем льются слезы heaven rained manna — с неба падала манна drizzling rain — изморось, моросящий дождь Let it Rain! Пусть будет дождь! The Rain ceased. Дождь прекратился. The Rain set in. Установилась дождливая погода. Интересные факты «Человек дождя» (Rain Man) ... Читать далее...
Build an Ark