Главная ⇒ 📌Jokes ⇒ British Military Officer Fitness Reports

British Military Officer Fitness Reports

The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s «206’s»….

— His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

— I would not breed from this Officer.

— This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t-be.

— When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

— He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

— He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

— Technically sound, but socially impossible.

— This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope — always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

— This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

— When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

— This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

— Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

— She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

— He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

— This Officer should go far — and the sooner he starts, the better.

— In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

— The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

— Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap

— This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

— Only occasionally wets himself under pressure



Текст на английском языке про музей с переводом.
Топик my morning.

Related topics:

  1. Army fitness reportBritish Military Officer Fitness Reports The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s «206’s»…. — His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. — I would not breed from this Officer. ... Читать далее...
  2. Перевод слова officerOfficer — офицер, чиновник, должностное лицо Перевод слова Assistant officer — помощник должностного лица customs officer — таможенный чиновник non-combatant officer — офицер запаса flying control officer — диспетчер полетов The police Officer was directing traffic. Полицейский регулировал движение транспорта. No Officer was touched. Ни один офицер не был ранен. He is an Officer of ... Читать далее...
  3. Перевод слова militaryMilitary — военный, воинский Перевод слова Military strength — военная мощь military man — военнослужащий military service — воинская повинность A Military chest was formed. Была создана войсковая касса. He pushed for a leaner Military. Он выступал за сокращение численности вооруженных сил. He is being tried in a Military court rather than in a civilian ... Читать далее...
  4. New officer efficiencyThese are actual phrases from Officer Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers). «Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.» «Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.» «A room temperature IQ.» «Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.» «A gross ignoramus — -144 times ... Читать далее...
  5. A police officer came upon a terrible wreckA police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said «I wish you could talk.» The monkey looked up at ... Читать далее...
  6. Trust a fellow officerA defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial — it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer ... Читать далее...
  7. MESSAGE FROM THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON TO THE BRITISH FOREIGN OFFICE IN LONDONMESSAGE FROM THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON TO THE BRITISH FOREIGN OFFICE IN LONDON— written from Central Spain, August 1812 Gentlemen, Whilst marching from Portugal to a position which commands the approach to Madrid and the French forces, my officers have been diligently complying with your requests which have been sent by H. M. ship from ... Читать далее...
  8. Tribute to the MarinesA tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world. . . * United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 * 1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can’t have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend less ... Читать далее...
  9. Military work rules1. Sickness: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept the Medical Officer’s statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you are able to go on sick parade, you are able to come to work. 2. Leave of Absence for an Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We ... Читать далее...
  10. One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy barOne night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the — influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat ... Читать далее...
  11. The New Zumwalt Stealth Destroyer Is Too StealthyThe USS Zumwalt departs the coast of Maine for its final builder trials on March 21, 2016 The USS Zumwalt, a Navy destroyer years in the making, is a floating piece of technological wonder. But the neatest feature is tricking nearby radar into thinking its massive 610-foot hull is actually just a 50-foot fishing boat. ... Читать далее...
  12. Military dolphins help defend the world’s largest stockpile of nuclear weaponsNaval Base Kitsap, a marine base 20 miles from Seattle, may be home to the world’s largest single-location arsenal of nuclear weapons, and it’s defended by dolphins trained by the US Navy. «Nearly one-quarter of America’s 9,962 nuclear weapons are now assigned to the Bangor submarine base on Hood Canal, 20 air miles northwest of ... Читать далее...
  13. Фитнес/ FitnessНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Fitness Фитнес The healthy life is an absolute trend of our days. A lot of people keep a diet, go to the gym and do fitness. Every day someone buys a season ticket to the fitness club. Fitness is one of the best way to keep fit, lose ... Читать далее...
  14. Перевод слова navyNavy — военно-морской флот Перевод слова The Royal Navy — военно-морской флот Великобритании navy in the air — морская авиация Navy Regulations — военно-морской устав The two boys opted for the Navy. Оба парня выбрали военно-морской флот. Sex scandals sink US Navy’s reputation. Скандалы на сексуальной почве позорят военно-морской флот США. The country is defended ... Читать далее...
  15. Going into the MilitaryChantelle: Attention! Aren’t you supposed To salute? Robert: You’re not my Superior officer. Stop Goofing around. I’m busy. Chantelle: You’re Packing already? You don’t need To report to duty for two days. Are you afraid they’ll think you went AWOL? Robert: I just want to be prepared. Now, leave me alone so I can finish ... Читать далее...
  16. Перевод слова BritishBritish — британский, английский Перевод слова British Museum — Британский музей of British origin — британского происхождения his British promoter — его агент в Великобритании He has British nationality. Он имеет британское гражданство. Six British sailors drowned. Шесть британских моряков утонули. She has applied for British citizenship. Она подала заявление на получение британского гражданства....
  17. Значение идиомы port of call[port of call] {n. phr.} 1. Any of the ports that a ship visitsafter the start of a voyage and before the end; a port wherepassengers or cargo may be taken on or put off; an in-between port. Savannah is a port of call for many Atlantic coasting vessels. 2. Aplace you visit regularly or ... Читать далее...
  18. Значение идиомы landing ship[landing ship] {n.} A ship built to land troops and army equipmenton a beach for an invasion. The landing ship came near the beach, doors in the bow opened, and marines ran out....
  19. Childhood FitnessMom: Hold it right there. Put that candy bar down. Justin: Mom, I just wanted a snack To tide me over. Mom: Don’t you remember what Dad said about this family’s need to improve our level of Fitness? Justin: Only old people have to worry about getting fat. Mom: It’s not just about getting fat. ... Читать далее...
  20. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Между полицейским и гражданином (Between Police Officer And Citizen)»По-английски Перевод на русский I I Police officer: Good afternoon, sir. Is this your car? Полицейский: Добрый день, сэр. Это ваша машина? Citizen: Hello. Yes, it is. Is there a problem? Гражданин: Здравствуйте, да моя. А что какие-то проблемы? Police officer: Not really. However, we are looking for the car similar to yours, which has ... Читать далее...
  21. Marines and the policeThe following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles. The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store. At the scene, the cop told the Marines to «cover» him as he approched the store (to police, «cover» means to point your weapons ... Читать далее...
  22. Значение идиомы color guard[color guard] {n.} A military guard of honor for the flag of a country; also: a guard of honor to carry and protect a flag or banner. There were four Marines in the color guard in the parade. Bob was picked to be a color guard and to carry the banner of the drum corps ... Читать далее...
  23. Military traditionsTop Holiday Traditions In The Military 9. Gluing Santa beard to your gas mask 8. Roasting chestnuts with an M4-A3 flamethrower 7. Draw up list of who’s naughty, who’s nice and who can’t run their 2 miles without wheezing like an infant 6. Christmas morning, getting to sleep in till 0530 5. You open a ... Читать далее...
  24. A rookie police officer was assignedA rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, «Let’s ... Читать далее...
  25. High military ranksWhen little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough. «That’s the only way to command respect in the Army,» his friends said. So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth. «Show me ... Читать далее...
  26. Перевод слова portPort — гавань, порт, убежище Перевод слова Naval port — военно-морской порт commercial port — торговый порт port after stormy seas — убежище после жизненных бурь Any Port in a storm. В бурю любая гавань хороша. We steamed from Port to Port. Мы плавали на пароходе из порта в порт. Murmansk is a Port in ... Читать далее...
  27. Пословица / поговорка any port in a storm — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: any port in a storm Перевод: в бурю любая гавань хороша Эквивалент в русском языке: в беде любой выход хорош Пример: There was a bad storm so the ship went to the nearest port. It was any port in a storm. Была сильная буря, поэтому корабль зашел в ближайший порт. В бурю ... Читать далее...
  28. Перевод слова carryCarry — нести, носить, переносить Перевод слова To carry a cane — нести трость to carry cargo — перевозить грузы to carry two — держать два в уме The ship could Carry 70 passengers. Судно могло перевезти 70 пассажиров. The book Carries many tables. Книга содержит много таблиц. This crime Carries the death penalty. Это ... Читать далее...
  29. Значение идиомы shore leave[shore leave] {n.} Permission given to a man in the Navy to leavehis ship and go where he wants for a certain length of time. Jimwent to visit New York when he was given three days’ shore leave. The ship did not dock long enough for the sailors to get shoreleave....
  30. Being Different — British CharacterThe British can be particularly and stubbornly conservative about anything which is perceived as token of Britishness. In these use the same scales that are used nearly everywhere else in the world. But it has had only limited The British can be particularly and stubbornly conservative about anything which is perceived as token of Britishness. ... Читать далее...
  31. The ups and downs of British monarchyThe British people have had a monarchy for over a thousand years. The relationship between the monarch and the people has suffered some serious crises in the country’s history, but the monarchy always seems to recover. Revolution: Charles I The biggest crisis in the monarchy’s history came in 1649 when the king was actually condemned ... Читать далее...
  32. Basic Military CommandsMarta: What’s going on out here? What’s all that noise? Bruno: I’m putting the Troops through their Drills. Marta: Troops?! Bruno: Watch this. Hey, I didn’t tell you you could be At ease. Attention! Fall in. Forward, march! Marta: That’s great, but. . . Bruno: I’m not done. Let me show you what else these ... Читать далее...
  33. British IslesТопик Британские острова рассказывает об истории возникновения островов, отделившихся от Европейского континента во время Ледникового периода. Вы узнаете о древних народах Британии и ее завоевателях, как эволюционировал древний язык под влиянием языков и диалектов вторгшихся на территорию страны народов. И только в 19-ом веке английский язык стал распространяться по миру, а после 1930 года, действительно, ... Читать далее...
  34. Misunderstanding termsOne reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to «secure a building,» they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, ... Читать далее...
  35. British Individualism — Британский индивидуализмThe British can be particularly and stubbornly conservative about anything which is perceived as a token of Britishness. In these matters, their conservatism can combine with their individualism; they are rather proud of being different. It is: for example, very difficult to imagine that they will ever agree to change from driving on the left-hand ... Читать далее...
  36. Change your course nowThis is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you ... Читать далее...
  37. Перевод слова royalRoyal — королевский, царственный, величественный Перевод слова Royal ceremonial — королевский церемониал royal Demesne — земельная собственность королевской семьи his bearing is royal — у него величественная осанка He has glaumed at our Royal crown. Он совершил покушение на члена нашей королевской семьи. The Royal house was not yet extinct. Королевская династия еще не пресеклась. ... Читать далее...
  38. British and American families — Британские и американские семьиBritish and American families are small. In fact the populations of both Britain and the USA have stopped growing. The typical family has a father, mother and two children. Grandparents come to visit, but do not usually live with their children. Most people get married between the ages of 20 and 23 but many marriages ... Читать далее...
  39. My men are very braveGeneral McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: «So how are your men?» «Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie.» «I hope ... Читать далее...
  40. Значение идиомы put in[put in] {v.} 1. To add to what has been said; say inaddition to what others say. While the boys were discussing the caraccident, Ben put in that the road was icy. My father put in aword for me and I got the job. 2. To buy and keep in a store to sell. He ... Читать далее...

British Military Officer Fitness Reports