Blondes dumb?!?!?

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1. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlockTwo blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Blonde#1: I can’t seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!...
2. Two blondes were facing each other with a lake between themTwo blondes were facing each other with a lake between them. The first blonde wants to get to the other side so she yells to the otherblonde, «Hey! I want to get to the other side of the lake but I can’t swim. Please tell me how you did this!» The second blonde then says, ... Читать далее...
3. A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and auntA young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer. One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man was drinking an extremely large glass of milk. The young man said «I took the liberty of milking your cow this morning!» He then continues ... Читать далее...
4. Two blondes were walking through the woodsTwo blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said «These look like deer tracks.» The other said, «No, they look like moose tracks.» They argued and argued and were still arguing when the train hit them....
5. Two blondes were walking down the streetTwo blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, «Hmmm, this person looks familiar.» «Let me look.» said the other one. So she handed her the compact. The second blonde looked in the mirror ... Читать далее...
6. A new statue for the bedroomA woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. «Hurry!» she said, «Stand in the corner.» She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. «Don’t move until I tell you to.» she whispered. «Just pretend you’re a statue.» «What’s ... Читать далее...
7. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a jobA blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think ... Читать далее...
8. Значение идиомы so much[so much ] {adj.} 1. A limited amount of; some. Sometimesstudents wonder if the teacher knows they have only so much time to dotheir lessons. If you can’t give everyone a full glass of milk, just put so much milk in each glass. 2. Equally or amounting to; onlyamounting to. — Often used for emphasis. ... Читать далее...
9. Bad luck finding a place to hideA small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, «Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight.» The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink ... Читать далее...
10. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly beingA blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her «go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?» The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she ... Читать далее...
11. A blonde came running home to her motherA blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. «What’s wrong?» her mum, (another blonde) asked. «My boyfriend’s just dropped me!» wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. «No mum,» the blonde interrupted. «You don’t understand — I can fuck and ... Читать далее...
12. Food what do you eat – Еда что ты ешьFood is an essential part of our daily life. One famous English saying goes «We are what we eat», and it’s true. The food we eat can influence our body and our mind. It contains nutrients, such as proteins, vitamins, minerals, fats, carbohydrates. Different products contain different nutrients. For example, we can get lots of ... Читать далее...
13. Touring WashingtonA blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, «Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?» The officer replied, «Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. ... Читать далее...
14. A BlondeA Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, «I’ve kidnapped you.» She then wrote a note saying, «I’ve kidnapped your kid. ... Читать далее...
15. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty lifeA blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to ... Читать далее...
16. A blonde is speaking to her psychiatristA blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. «I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.» Psychiatrist: «Don’t you have a phone in your car?» Blonde: «That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.» Psychiatrist: ... Читать далее...
17. Using Renewable EnergyCarl: Uh! What’s that smell? Jody: I’m working on my latest Invention. I’m turning our old food into an Energy source for our car and our house. Carl: Why? There are already lots of types of Renewable energy that power cars and homes, and none of them smell like this! Jody: Well, I think I’m ... Читать далее...
18. Ultra dumb people 01The incredibly dumb AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership». He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, ... Читать далее...
19. Commiting suicideA blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, «You put it around your neck!» The ... Читать далее...
20. One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart andOne day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was a thermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to work one day and the ... Читать далее...
21. Ultra dumb people 02A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. In Ohio, an unidentified man in his ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова kitchenKitchen — кухня Перевод слова Kitchen clobber — кухонные приспособления field kitchen — полевая кухня kitchen unit — кухонный комбайн the French kitchen — французская кухня Get out of the Kitchen! Выметайся из кухни! Who messed up the Kitchen? Кто устроил беспорядок на кухне? Lock the cat in the Kitchen. Закрой кота на кухне....
23. Eating Spoiled FoodRyan: It’s really nice of you to make dinner for me. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a home-cooked meal. Corrie: I’m happy to do it. First, though, let’s see what you have in your fridge. Ryan: I have tons of food in there. Corrie: What is that? It looks Moldy. Ryan: Oh, ... Читать далее...
24. The DietBREAKFAST 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz glass skim milk LUNCH 4 oz lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed zucchini 1 Oreo cookie MID-AFTERNOON SNACK rest of the package of Oreo cookies 1 quart Rocky Road ice cream 1 jar hot fudge DINNER 2 loaves garlic bread 1 large pepperoni & ... Читать далее...
25. Feline Physics LawsLaw of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force — such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change ... Читать далее...
26. An easy solutionOn a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, «I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.» Not wanting to argue ... Читать далее...
27. Two blondes are passing by a fruit shop whenTwo blondes are passing by a fruit shop when the grocer calls to them, «Bananas! 50 cents each or three for a dollar!» The girls stop and look at each other. «Well I suppose we could always eat the third one!»...
28. Blonde on blondeA blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. «What does it look like?» she finally ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова energyEnergy — энергия, сила, усилия Перевод слова A man of indomitable energy — человек неукротимой энергии electrical energy — электроэнергия to brace one’s energies — собраться с духом The solar panels store Energy. Солнечные панели накапливают энергию. The boy has a lot of nervous Energy. У мальчика много нервной энергии. Lighting is now more Energy ... Читать далее...
30. A glass of waterTell someone you can pin a glass of water to the wall — a real glass, not a paper cup, using an ordinary straight pin. Naturally they won’t believe, so you set out to prove it. Get a glass of water and a pin. Hold the glass up to the wall and start to pin ... Читать далее...
31. Attempts by the dumbSIX DIE TRYING TO SAVE CHICKEN — August 1, 1995 CAIRO, Egypt (AP) — Six people drowned yesterday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled ... Читать далее...
32. Dumb intercourse«Information. Can I help you?» «I’d like the number of the Theater Guild, please.» «One moment, please.» Pause. «I’m sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.» «No, no. It isn’t a person. It’s an organization. It’s Theater Guild.» «I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.» «Not *Theodore*! ... Читать далее...
33. Dumb Intercourse II«Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.» «Would you spell that, please?» «Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you.» The operator pauses. «Just a minute, sir. I’ll connect you with ... Читать далее...
34. Humor about Dumb IrishmenThe local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. «Now don’t let me ever see your face again,» said the ... Читать далее...
35. Jokes about Dumb IrishmenThe blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. ... Читать далее...
36. A blonde with two red ears went to her doctorA blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, «I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang — but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.» «Oh Dear!» the ... Читать далее...
37. Пословица / поговорка it never rains but it pours — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: it never rains but it pours Перевод: стало накрапывать — ожидай ливня Эквивалент в русском языке: пришла беда — отворяй ворота; беда не приходит одна Пример: It never rains but it pours and we have recently had many problems with our house. Беда не приходит одна, и за последнее время у нас ... Читать далее...
38. Only once«Miss Jones, we can’t employ you as a model,» the editor from the men’s magazine explained. «It’s too obvious that your blonde hair isn’t natural, since the hair between your legs is black.» The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the editor’s fingers. «What the hell did you do that for!» ... Читать далее...
39. TarantinoThis guy comes into a bar walks to the bartender and says» Bartender, I got a bet for you. I’ll bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a drop.» The bartender looks at the glass. It’s 3 meters away. He says……»You’re telling me you’ll bet me $300 ... Читать далее...
40. A blonde and a brunette were talking one dayA blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him «Head and Shoulders» and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, «How do you give shoulders?»...