Appropriate punishment

Related topics:

1. The real treasureAn 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can’t resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says, «See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a ... Читать далее...
2. A small boy walks into his mothers roomA small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless. «Mummy, mummy, what are these?» he says, pointing to her breasts. «Well, son,» she says, «these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven.» Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two ... Читать далее...
3. A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits downA blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. «I’m sorry sir, but I am blind, and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order ... Читать далее...
4. Punishment in hellA man dies, and he’s looking in the gates of hell. There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl. The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is with this hideous looking person. The Devil replies, «Well, John has done some bad things in his life and that’s his punishment.» ... Читать далее...
5. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
6. At school Little Johnny was told by a classmateAt school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, «I know the whole truth.» Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by ... Читать далее...
7. A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it overA cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, «I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.» ... Читать далее...
8. Punishment for GatesSatan greets him: «Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked ... Читать далее...
9. PeanutsSitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it ... Читать далее...
10. A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noisesA man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, «help, help, I am having a heart attack», the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run ... Читать далее...
11. Last LunchThree steel workers were having lunch at the construction site, a 20 story building. The first worker is Italian and when he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims, «Oh, no, if I have to eat spaghetti for lunch one more time, I going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself.» The second ... Читать далее...
12. A young teenager comes home from schoolA young teenager comes home from school and asks her mother, «Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?» «Yes, dear,» replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it. «But then when ... Читать далее...
13. Someone really stinksA young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, «Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s ... Читать далее...
14. A henpecked husbandA henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. «You don’t have to let your wife bully you,» he said. «Go home and show her you’re the boss.» The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, «From now ... Читать далее...
15. So at the funeral home, the widow instructsHere’s a sick one… So at the funeral home, the widow instructs the mortician to cut off her late husband’s penis and shove it up his rectum. The mortician objects, but threatening not to pay, he relents. Later, at the coffin closing, the wife bends down to kiss her husband goodbye, and she sees a ... Читать далее...
16. Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boyTwo friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy’s father presents him with a new pistol. On the other side of town, at his bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day at school, the two boys are showing each ... Читать далее...
17. Where are my pyjamas?A man calls his wife and says to her, «Honey, I just got the chance of a lifetime to go on a week-long fishing trip with my boss. Could you pack up my things so that they will be ready when I get home?» «Sure, honey,» his wife answers.»Oh, and could you please pack my ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод идиомы for kicks, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: for kicks Идиома: for kicks разг. Перевод: для забавы, ради развлечения Пример: «What do you do for kicks?» «I play computer games.» Что ты делаешь ради развлечения? — Я играю в компьютерные игры....
19. Значение идиомы catch it[catch it] or [get it] {v. phr.}, {informal} To be scolded or punished. — Usually used of children. John knew he would catch it when he came home late for supper. Wow, Johnny! When your mother sees those torn pants, you’re going to get it. Compare: GET WHAT’S COMING TO ONE. Contrast: GIVE IT TO....
20. Marriage quotes 11My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one ... Читать далее...
21. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
22. A customer walks into a restaurant and noticesA customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, «$500 if we fail to fill your order.» When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he hears an explosion of voices. The restaurant ... Читать далее...
23. This rich couple were going out for the eveningThis rich couple were going out for the evening when the woman of the house decided to give the butler the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his night. Well, as it turned out the wife wasn’t having a good time at the ... Читать далее...
24. Little Johnny comes home from schoolLittle Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that «Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,» and would his mother,»please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.» So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, ... Читать далее...
25. Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, oneThree guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He ... Читать далее...
26. Do you have an email address?An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager tells him, «You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so ... Читать далее...
27. Little girl walks into the bathroomA little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks «What’s that?» Her sister replies «That is my possum, sis!» The young girl replies «Oh, OK» The next day she sees her mother get out of the ... Читать далее...
28. Cow on Train TracksA passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. «What’s going on?» she yells out the window. «Cow on the track!» replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees ... Читать далее...
29. There was a man and woman traveling along in their carThere was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says «Did you know you were speeding back there.» The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband «What did he say, what did ... Читать далее...
30. Kind of awkwardA guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to fix some drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he’s looking at it, ... Читать далее...
31. Letters to a landlordExcerpts from actual letters sent to landlords The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door. ... Читать далее...
32. Two guys are driving through Texas whenTwo guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, «Why’d you do that? The trooper says, «You’re in ... Читать далее...
33. Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites herStacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, ... Читать далее...
34. Three calamitiesThree guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second ... Читать далее...
35. Marriage quotes 04A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. — Guitry Ah Mozart! He was happily married — but his wife wasn’t. — Borge Always talk to your wife while you’re making love… if there’s a phone handy. An archaeologist ... Читать далее...
36. A boy comes home from school and tells his motherA boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. «What part?» the mother asked. «I play a Jewish husband,» the boy replied. «Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!»...
37. Значение идиомы at home[at home] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. In the place where you live or come from. * I went to his house, but he was not at home. Americans abroad are protected by the government like Americans at home. 2. Knowing what to do or say; familiar; comfortable. Charles and John enjoy working together because ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы boys will be boys[boys will be boys] Boys are only children and must sometimes get into mischief or trouble or behave too roughly. Boys will be boys and make a lot of noise, so John’s mother told him and his friends to play in the park instead of the back yard....
39. Marriage quotes 12Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. — W. Somerset Maugham Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they’re entitled ... Читать далее...
40. One day, little Billy comes home from kindergartenOne day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also ... Читать далее...