An old man goes into the Social Security Office

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1. Social Security SexTwo men were talking. «So, how’s your sex life?» «Oh, nothing special. I’m having Social Security sex.» «Social Security sex?» «Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!»...
2. Applying for a PassportClerk: Yes, can I help you? Orlando: I want to get a Passport. Clerk: Have you filled out the Application? Orlando: No, I haven’t. Clerk: Come back when you’ve filled it out. Orlando: Okay, I’ve completed the application. Clerk: Let me see it. You need to fill in your Social Security number here and you ... Читать далее...
3. A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coatA woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. «HA,» he snorted, «The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!» On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrusts her pubic area forward. «There! I ... Читать далее...
4. Hair on my chestA woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. «HA!» he snorted. «The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!» On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, «There! I ... Читать далее...
5. Значение идиомы get gray hair[get gray hair] or [get gray] {v. phr.}, {informal} To become oldor gray from worrying; become very anxious or worried. — Often usedwith «over». «If John doesn’t join the team, I won’t get gray hairover it,» the coach said. Naughty children are why mothers getgray. Compare: GIVE GRAY HAIR....
6. Перевод слова securitySecurity — безопасность, секретность; службы безопасности Перевод слова System of collective security — система коллективной безопасности national security — безопасность страны security report — донесение службы контрразведки Security is a primary need. Главное — обеспечить безопасность. Security measures were stepped up. Были приняты усиленные меры безопасности. America’s national Security is at issue. На карту поставлена ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова socialSocial — общественный, социальный Перевод слова Social elite — сливки общества social evolution — развитие общества social expenditure — затраты на общественные нужды The old Social order has gone forever. Старый общественный порядок ушел навсегда. At the age of ten I was a Social bust. В десятилетнем возрасте я был изгоем. Social drinking may lead ... Читать далее...
8. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
9. A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aidA woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, «How many children do you have?» «Ten,» she replied. «What are their names?» he asked. «LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy,» she answered. «They’re all named LeRoy?» he asked «What if you want them ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова certificateCertificate — сертификат, свидетельство Перевод слова Marriage certificate — свидетельство о заключении брака money market certificate — сертификат валютного рынка phony certificate — поддельный сертификат to revoke certificate — лишать сертификата She has a Certificate in midwifery. У нее есть сертификация в области акушерства. He earned his teaching Certificate last year. Он заслужил преподавательский сертификат ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы hair[hair] See: CURL ONE’S HAIR, GET GRAY HAIR or GET GRAY, GIVE GRAYHAIR, HANG BY A THREAD or HANG BY A HAIR, HIDE OR HAIR or HIDE NORHAIR, IN ONE’S HAIR, LET ONE’S HAIR DOWN, OUT OF ONE’S HAIR, SPLITHAIRS, TEAR ONE’S HAIR....
12. AVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTSAVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTS: — Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift. — Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom. — When dancing, never remove undergarments; no matter how hot it is. — Kissing the bride for more than ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы give gray hair[give gray hair] {v. phr.}, {informal} To make anxious, confused, or worried. The traffic problem is enough to give apoliceman gray hairs. Compare: GET GRAY HAIR....
14. The company president called the chief security guardThe company president called the chief security guard into his office. «Chuck, we’ve received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don’t belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop.» Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, «I’m sorry, Sir. I ... Читать далее...
15. Manly signs«Doctor, doctor!» shouted the woman coming into the doctors offfice. «I think I’m turning into a man» then the doctor says, » Now hold on little lady what makes you think that you’re turning into a man?» » Well» said the woman «I’m starting to grow hair on my chest» and then the doctor asked, ... Читать далее...
16. Man posing as security guard steals $75,000 from Oklahoma Wal-MartA man dressed as a security guard walked out of an Oklahoma Wal-Mart with $75,000 in cash, a crime that went undetected until the real security guards showed up later to transport the money, police said. The suspect walked into the Wal-Mart on Saturday in Bristow, southwest of Tulsa, dressed in clothes similar to those ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова grayGray — серый Перевод слова Cold gray skies — холодные серые небеса steel gray colour — серый с голубым отливом цвет gray-scale picture — полутоновое изображение His hair was shot with Gray. В его волосах поблескивали седые нити. It was a Gray, dreary morning. Он был серое, тоскливое утро. A large Gray, indistinct mass stretched ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова officeOffice — офис, должность Перевод слова Judicial office — судебная должность holder of an office — должностное лицо lawyer’s office — адвокатская контора editorial office — редакция His Office was bugged. Его офис прослушивался. He was removed from Office. Он был отстранен от должности. Foreign Office Министерство иностранных дел (в Великобритании)...
19. A couple, age 67, went to the doctors officeA couple, age 67, went to the doctor’s office. The doctor asked, «What can I do for you?» The man said, «Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?» The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, «There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.» And he then charged ... Читать далее...
20. The job security quizThe job security quiz will help judge how long you’ll end up at your current job and what will become of you. The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you… A. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы social climber[social climber] {n.} A person who tries to mix with rich orwell-known people and be accepted by them as friends and equals. People do not like Mrs. Brown very well; she is known as a socialclimber. Social climbers are usually soon known and they are notaccepted by those they run after....
22. Breaching Computer SecurityJin: Did you hear what happened to McQ Corp? Dina: No, what? Jin: Hackers were able to get Unauthorized access to its computer systems and cause a lot of problems over the weekend. They destroyed Data and Rendered the system Unusable. In fact, the entire system Crashed. Dina: I hadn’t heard that. Why McQ Corp? ... Читать далее...
23. Passing Through Airport SecurityRoland: Why are you so nervous about flying? Natalie: I’m not nervous about being in the air. It’s going through Security. I hear it’s a Hassle and I don’t want to end up being Strip-searched. Roland: You won’t be strip-searched. All you need to do is to follow a few simple rules. When you get ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова post-officePost-office — почта, почтовое отделение Перевод слова Post office official — почтовый чиновник post-office receipt — почтовая квитанция post-office box — абонементный почтовый ящик post office coach — почтовый вагон date of a post-office stamp — дата почтового штемпеля It was an old Post-office where clerks candled the letters. Это была почта старого образца, где ... Читать далее...
25. Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hairMrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, «I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there.» That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, «I’ve never seen anything like that. ... Читать далее...
26. The office playboy had a date with an attractive young womanThe office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day someone asked him how things had gone. «She uses too many four-letter words for me,» was the reply. «Really?» «Yes,» answered the playboy. «All evening long she was saying «don’t» and «stop» and «quit that.»...
27. Значение идиомы box office[box office] {n.}, {informal} 1. The place at movies and theaters where tickets may be purchased just before the performance instead of having ordered them through the telephone or having bought them at a ticket agency. No need to reserve the seats; we can pick them up at the box office. 2. A best-selling movie, ... Читать далее...
28. This guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with aThis guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with a concerned look on his face. «Doc,» he says, «I’m worried. It’s that dream. I’m having it again.» «What dream?» asked the shrink, not really paying attention. «You know,» says the man, «the one where I’m into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or ... Читать далее...
29. A man walked into a lawyer’s office andA man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. «Fifty dollars for three questions,» replied the lawyer. «Isn’t that awfully steep?» asked the man. «Yes,» the lawyer replied, «and what was your third question?»...
30. Showing Signs of AgeJulian: What is that, another Gray hair?! My hair is already Thinning on top. I don’t need more gray hairs. Vera: I think Salt and pepper hair looks great on men. It makes them look Distinguished. Julian: It makes them look old. Thank God I don’t have a Receding hairline – yet. Vera: When you ... Читать далее...
31. Discussing Social ClassHector: Can you believe James? All evening, he tried to tell me how this country would be better if we had no Social classes. He’s out of his mind. Sophia: He was just trying To get a rise out of you. We all know that the two of you don’t See eye to eye. Hector: ... Читать далее...
32. Play the Office GameHere’s a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows: ONE POINT Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. When they’re not looking, pour ... Читать далее...
33. Two law partners leave their office and go to lunchTwo law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. «Damn,» he says. «I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.» His partner replies » What are you worried about? We’re both here.»...
34. Значение идиомы security blanket[security blanket] {n.}, {slang}, {colloquial} An idea, person, orobject that one holds on to for psychological reassurance or comfortas infants usually hang on to the edge of a pillow, a towel, or ablanket. Sue has gone to Aunt Mathilda for a chat; she is hersecurity blanket....
35. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really badA man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says «I have some bad news. You have HAGS.» «What is HAGS» the man asks. «It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis» says the doctor. «Oh my God» says the man. «What are you ... Читать далее...
36. Social NetworksТопик Социальные сети рассказывает о сайтах, разработанных с целью познакомить и собрать людей с общими интересами, дать им возможность общаться на различные темы, выкладывать и обсуждать фото и видео, добавлять друг друга в друзья или недруги, загружать и слушать музыку и т. д. Одним из плюсов социальных сетей является возможность найти давно потерянных друзей, родственников ... Читать далее...
37. A local United Way office realized thatA local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. «Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like ... Читать далее...
38. Office CompetitionOkay, everybody. Listen up. We’re approaching the end of the month. Unless you’re new here, you know that we are in Competition with our Rival, the East Coast office, to have the most sales this period. At the beginning of the month, we Pulled ahead and it looked like we were finally going To turn ... Читать далее...
39. Are Social Networking Sites Good for Our Society? — Хороши ли сайты социальных сетей для нашего общества?According to the Oxford Dictionary, a «social network» is a dedicated website or other application which enables users to communicate with each other by posting information, comments, messages, images, etc. There are several types of social networks. Some of them are primarily for socializing with existing friends; others can help you to find specific information. ... Читать далее...
40. Making Office RenovationsAlice: I can’t hear you over that Hammering. When are these Renovations going to be done? Dilbert: They’re already two weeks past the scheduled Completion date and I can only Guess at the Cost overruns. Alice: It feels like they’re never going to finish. Dilbert: I know. When the renovations were announced, I was glad ... Читать далее...