Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to

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1. This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a buildingThis guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign «Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.» «Hans Olaffsen?», he thinks. «How in the world does that fit in here?» So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, «How in the world did this place ... Читать далее...
2. After the party, as the couple was driving homeAfter the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, «Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?» The flattered husband said, «No, dear they haven’t.» The wife yells, «Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?»...
3. There was a costume party at a mental hospitalThere was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was «war». The first person comes up onto the stage and says, «I’m an atomic bomb.» He gets his applause and steps down. The second person comes up and says, «I’m a hydrogen bomb.» Again, there’s applause and he steps down. ... Читать далее...
4. A new way to loose weightA fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do. He calls them on the ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова partyParty — тусовка, вечеринка; партия Перевод слова A ruling party — правящая партия an opposition party — партия в оппозиции costume party — карнавал pleasure party — увеселительная прогулка He was life of the Party. Он был душой общества. The Party was ace. Вечеринка была первоклассной. He won me to his Party. Он убедил меня ... Читать далее...
6. A man running a little behind schedule arrivesA man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theatre, goes in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie. It even seemed to be enjoying ... Читать далее...
7. HEGSThe Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S «What’s that?», the patient asks. «It’s a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.» The patient wants to know if there’s a cure, to which the Doctor responds, «We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.» «Why only pancackes?», ... Читать далее...
8. Albert Einstein — Альберт ЭнштейнAlbert Einstein is known all over the world as a brilliant theoretical physicist and the founder of the theory of relativity. He is perhaps the greatest scientist of the 20th century. Some of his ideas made possible the atomic bomb, as well as television and other inventions. He was born in 1879 in a small ... Читать далее...
9. Three vampires go to a barThree vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, «I vould like some blood.» The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, «I vould like some blood.» ... Читать далее...
10. A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureauA journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: «You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that ... Читать далее...
11. Man goes to a fancy dress partyMan goes to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his p*nis. Lady asks, «What are you?» He says, «I’m a fireman.» «But you’re only wearing a glass jar,» says the woman. He says, «Exactly, in an emergency, break glass.» Pull knob and I’ll cum as fast as I can!»...
12. Albert Einstein — Альберт Эйнштейн (1)This German physicist is considered one of the world’s greatest thinkers in history. Not only did he shape the way people think of time, space, matter, energy, and gravity but he also was a supporter of Zionism and peaceful living. Einstein was born on March 14, 1879 in Ulm, Germany, and spent most of his ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы throw a party[throw a party] {v. phr.}, {informal} To hold a party; have aparty. The club is throwing a party in the high school gym Saturdaynight. The Seniors threw a masquerade party on Halloween....
14. Биография Альберта Эйнштейна на английском языке. Biography of Albert EinsteinAlbert Einstein was a famous scientist who completely changed the way that people saw our world and the universe. Einstein created many theories which proved that things like gravity, light, energy and matter were connected with each other. At first, very few scientists could understand Einstein’s theories but as time passed other scientists showed that ... Читать далее...
15. What is your nameWalking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, «Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.» «Hans Olaffsen?», he muses. «How in hell does that fit in here?» So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы hen party[hen party] {n. phr.}, {informal} A party to which only women orgirls are invited. The sorority gave a hen party for its members. Contrast: STAG PARTY. See: GO STAG....
17. A girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet themA girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them. «What’s your name?» she asks the first. To her surprise, the dog answers «My name’s Huey and I’m having a great day going in and out of puddles.» She goes up to the second dog and asks «What’s your name?» The ... Читать далее...
18. Fly, baby, fly!A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building… he suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks: «why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?» The blond answers in a very ... Читать далее...
19. Punishment that fits the crimeThree dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks «why are you here?» The schnauzer responds, «I’m 17 years old. I don’t see or hear very well. I’ve been ... Читать далее...
20. George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DCGeorge W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. «I’ll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,» answers the President. «But sir, what about the mad cow?!!» asks the waiter. «Oh,» answers Dubya, «she’ll order for herself.»...
21. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
22. Olympic condomsA man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tells his wife about the purchase he’s just made. «Olympic condoms?» she blurts, «What makes them so special?» «There are three colors,» he explains, «gold, silver and bronze.» «So what color ... Читать далее...
23. A wild partySam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as far away from humanity as possible. Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace ... Читать далее...
24. Punishment in hellA man dies, and he’s looking in the gates of hell. There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl. The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is with this hideous looking person. The Devil replies, «Well, John has done some bad things in his life and that’s his punishment.» ... Читать далее...
25. The Australian liberal party announced todayThe Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party’s political stance : A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others....
26. Значение идиомы life of the party[life of the party] {n. phr.} A person who makes things enjoyableor interesting for a group of people. Bill is the life of the partyat school. He is always making us laugh....
27. Planning a Children’s PartySara: Come on! We need to buy all of the things we need for Gabriel’s party before the store closes. Paul: Are you sure we need a party? Maybe we can just have a Cake and some Party hats. Sara: Are you kidding?! We are going To pull out all the stops. We’ll have Streamers, ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы party to[party to] {adj. phr.} Concerned with; participating in. Theprosecution has been trying to show that the defendant was party to afraud....
29. Making betsA little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, «Three million dollars.» The accounts person is startled, and says, «In what form?» and ... Читать далее...
30. Over the counterA middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, «Do you sell Viagra here?» The pharmacist answers ... Читать далее...
31. I trust you that you paidA man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. «But I paid, don’t you remember?» says the customer. «Okay,» says the bartender, «If you said you paid, you did.» The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees ... Читать далее...
32. A Birthday PartyMy sister called me at the Last minute to help her with my nephew’s birthday party. She was feeling really sick and couldn’t get out of bed. I’d never given a children’s party before, but how hard could it be? Well, I found out. First, I had to go to the Party supply store To ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы party line[party line] {n. phr.} Ideas, policies, and goals set forth by theleadership of a group or organization. Dan seldom has an originalidea but he keeps faithfully repeating his company’s party line....
34. Значение идиомы coming out party[coming out party] {n. phr.} A debutante party in which a young girl is formally introduced to society. Coming out parties used to be more popular in the early twentieth century than nowadays, primarily because they cost a lot of money....
35. Перевод сленгового выражения party pooper, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: party pooper Перевод: человек, который портит удовольствие другие, который не дает другим получать удовольствие; зануда, некомпанейский человек Пример: He was a real party pooper, so nobody invited him to the other night’s party. Он настоящий зануда, поэтому никто не позвал его на вечеринку, которая была на днях....
36. Having a Wild PartyPaula: Okay, let’s get this party started! Mitch: I really don’t think having a party is such a good idea. We’re supposed to be House-sitting, and I’m sure the Abrams wouldn’t want their house used for a big Blowout. Paula: Ignorance is bliss. They’ll never know. Stop being such a Goody two-shoes and help me ... Читать далее...
37. Having a Slumber PartyRuss: Mom says you’re having a Slumber party next Saturday. Irene: I’m just having a few friends over for a Sleepover and it’s None of your business. Russ: Don’t be like that. How many people did you invite? Irene: I’m not telling you anything. I know what you’re thinking. You want To pull pranks on ... Читать далее...
38. New Year’s PartyI walked into the office and saw Rob with his Head down on his desk. I Tapped him on the shoulder. Christy: You look like you had a good New Year’s. Rob: Yeah, too good. I’m trying To catch up on sleep. Christy: Oh yeah? What did you do? Rob: I went to a New ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы necktie party[necktie party] {n.}, {slang} A hanging by a mob; lynching. Cattle thieves were stealing the rancher’s cattle, but the cowboyscaught them and had a necktie party. Compare: STRING UP....
40. Some very common traits in two drunksA man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. «Why of course,» comes the reply. The first man then asks: «Where are you from?» «I’m from Ireland,» replies the second man. The first man responds: «You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s ... Читать далее...