A well laid out plan

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1. One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girlOne day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said «you don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too ... Читать далее...
2. A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothelA man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel. He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was far too expensive. The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was also too expensive. Finally the ... Читать далее...
3. When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breastsIn high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no passion.. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.. I ... Читать далее...
4. Man walks into a supermarket and buysMan walks into a supermarket and buys : 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner The girl at the checkout looks at him and says «Single are you?» The man replies very sarcastically «How did you ... Читать далее...
5. Last winter I was laid up at home with the fluLast winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee’ called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. «Okay honey», she told me, «Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the ... Читать далее...
6. Two retired ladies were on the beach in MiamiTwo retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of ... Читать далее...
7. The office playboy had a date with an attractive young womanThe office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day someone asked him how things had gone. «She uses too many four-letter words for me,» was the reply. «Really?» «Yes,» answered the playboy. «All evening long she was saying «don’t» and «stop» and «quit that.»...
8. Перевод слова violentViolent — интенсивный, неистовый, яростный Перевод слова Violent fit of coughing — резкий приступ кашля violent passions — неистовые страсти violent efforts — отчаянные усилия violent revulsion — непреодолимое отвращение He was in a Violent temper. Он был в ярости. He has a Violent temper. У него резкий характер. He died a Violent death. Он ... Читать далее...
9. Значение идиомы loose[loose] See: AT LOOSE ENDS, CAST OFF or CAST LOOSE, CUT LOOSE, FASTAND LOOSE, HAVE A SCREW LOOSE, LET LOOSE or SET LOOSE or TURN LOOSE, ON THE LOOSE....
10. Condom Modelling RejectionTROJAN CONDOM COMPANY 6969 Slippery Root Drive Droptrouser, NC 22269 Dear John Doe, We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS. Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not ... Читать далее...
11. No changeHusband, upon meeting ex — after two years of separation: «Listen honey, why don’t we have a few drinks, dinner, go to my apartment and really make love?» Ex-: «Over my dead body!» Husband: «You haven’t changed a bit»...
12. Перевод слова looseLoose — свободный, освобождать, дать волю Перевод слова To let loose one’s indignation — дать волю своему негодованию to loose one’s hold — выпустить из рук, отпустить his tongue was loosed by drink — вино развязало ему язык loose cash — свободные деньги She gave a Loose to her tears. Она дала волю слезам. She ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы let loose[let loose] {v.} 1a. or [set loose] or [turn loose] To set free;loosen or give up your hold on. The farmer opened the gate and letthe bull loose in the pasture. They turned the balloon loose tolet it rise in the air. 1b. or [turn loose] To give freedom to do something; to allow to ... Читать далее...
14. A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurantA stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter: «Sir! Please stop that immediately.» «Certainly, madame,» replies the waiter with a bow, ... Читать далее...
15. A woman comes homeA woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. «That’s terrible!!!» said her husband, «What would you like to do during your last hours? I’ll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.» «Well,» she said, «First, I want to ... Читать далее...
16. The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement parkThe young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. «What would you like to do next?» he asked. «I wanna be weighed,» she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guessed. «One-twelve,» said ... Читать далее...
17. The young playboy took a blind date to anThe young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. «What would you like to do next?» he asked. «I wanna be weighed,» she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. «One-twelve,» said ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы cut loose[cut loose] {v.} 1. To free from ties or connections, cut the fastenings of. The thief hastily cut the boat loose from its anchor. Compare: LET LOOSE. 2. {informal} To break away from control; get away and be free. The boy left home and cut loose from his parents’ control. 3. {informal} To behave freely ... Читать далее...
19. The Australian liberal party announced todayThe Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party’s political stance : A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others....
20. Значение идиомы loose ends[loose ends] {n.} 1. Parts or things that should be finished or puttogether. Mary’s composition had many loose ends. When Georgecame home after a long trip, he started picking up the loose ends. 2.See: AT LOOSE ENDS....
21. Значение идиомы play fast and loose[play fast and loose] {v. phr.} To do as you please without caringwhat will happen to other people; act so carelessly or unfairly thatpeople cannot depend on you; be very unreliable. He played fast andloose with the girl’s affections. He played fast and loose withthe company’s good name....
22. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospitalThe medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, «Sol, I’m happy ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы on the loose[on the loose] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Free to go; not shut in orstopped by anything. The zookeeper forgot to close the gate to themonkey cage and the monkeys were on the loose. All of the seniorswere on the loose on «Senior Skip Day.»...
24. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroomLittle Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little ... Читать далее...
25. A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with himA fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. «Your organ,» she ... Читать далее...
26. A novel ideaA guest from some foreign country was bragging that in HIS country there is 79 different ways to make mad passionate love. Ray listened patiently. «That’s amazing. Where I come from there’s really only one.» «Oh,» sniffed the Romeo, «just one? And which way is that?» «Well, there’s a man and there’s a woman. . ... Читать далее...
27. The Big Horse RaceHorses in the race are: 1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Thighs 8. Big Johnson 9. Heavy Bosum 10. Merry Cherry At the Post: They’re off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы girl friend[girl friend] {n.}, {informal} 1. A female friend or companion. Jane is spending the night at her girlfriend’s house. 2. A boy’ssteady girl; the girl or woman partner in a love affair; girl;sweetheart. John is taking his girl friend to the dance. Contrast:BOYFRIEND....
29. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condomA man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again ... Читать далее...
30. A Scottish private walks into the pharmacyA Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы at loose ends[at loose ends] {adj. phr.} Without a regular job or settled habits; uncertain what to do next; having nothing to do for a while; undecided; unsettled; restless. Feeling at loose ends, I went for along walk. He had finished college but hadn’t found a job yet, so he was at loose ends....
32. Значение идиомы have a screw loose[have a screw loose] {v. phr,}, {slang} To act in a strange way; tobe foolish. Now I know he has a screw loose — he stole a police carthis time. He was a smart man but had a screw loose and peoplethought him odd....
33. Значение идиомы kill the goose that laid the golden egg[kill the goose that laid the golden egg] To spoil something thatis good or something that you have, by being greedy. — A proverb. Mrs. Jones gives you an apple from her tree whenever you go by herhouse, but don’t kill the goose that laid the golden egg by botheringher too much....
34. Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hairMrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, «I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there.» That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, «I’ve never seen anything like that. ... Читать далее...
35. A man is walking past this house when a used condomA man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock ... Читать далее...
36. It is written in the Bible!There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner. After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man. «It’s O. K.,» he replied, «it’s written in ... Читать далее...
37. The Young Mans Big MouthThe Young Man’s Big Mouth A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. «Well,» he said, «I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы make love[make love] {v. phr.} 1. To be warm, loving, and tender towardsomeone of the opposite sex; try to get him or her to love you too. There was moonlight on the roses and he made love to her in the porchswing. 2. To have sexual relations with. It is rumoredthat Alfred makes love to every ... Читать далее...
39. Free drinks for everyoneOne night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: «Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.» So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: «That will be $36.50 please.» The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. The next ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы as best one can[as best one can] {adv. phr.} As well as you can; by whatever means are available; in the best way you can. The car broke down in the middle of the night, and he had to get home as best he could. George’s foot hurt, but he played the game as best he could. The ... Читать далее...