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1. Breakfast was my idea It was George the Mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his […]...
2. Перевод слова praise Praise – хвалить, восхваление, похвала Перевод слова Beyond praise – выше всякой похвалы he spoke in praise of sport – он говорил о пользе спорта to praise to the skies – превозносить до небес Honesty won him much Praise. Его очень хвалили за честность. He does not stint his Praise. Он не скупится на похвалы. […]...
3. There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.” The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.” The priest thought long and hard […]...
4. Star-crossed Lovers Romeo: What do you plan to do? Juliette: I don’t know! I can’t Defy my parents. They’ve been against our relationship from the start, and I’ve been Forbidden to see you. Romeo: It’s your life, not theirs. It’s time you Stood up to them and told them what you want. I’m tired of being a […]...
5. A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishhes her […]...
6. The Insensitive Gorilla A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her […]...
7. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, “Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.” “What did it say on the banners?” Clinton asks. Saddam replies, “Allah is god, god is Allah.” Clinton says, “You know, Saddam, I […]...
8. The woman’s secret At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. “No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.” “I don’t know about that,” huffily answered a woman guest. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.” “You’ll let it out some day,” the […]...
9. A woman comes home A woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. “That’s terrible!!!” said her husband, “What would you like to do during your last hours? I’ll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.” “Well,” she said, “First, I want to […]...
10. Life is cruel What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are. What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him. What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful […]...
11. A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.” When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by […]...
12. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, “Sol, I’m happy […]...
13. A good idea Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, “Why do you want to join the Navy, son?” “My father said it’d be a good idea, sir.” “Oh? And what does your father do?” “He’s in the Army, sir.”...
14. Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick are perched near the front door of the girls’ dorm. Several plain Janes walk by as the two converse. Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm and saunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and – barely audibly – inquires, “Tickle your ass with a feather?” The […]...
15. Short gender jokes A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more […]...
16. Перевод слова guest Guest – гость, принимать гостей Перевод слова Be my guest! – будьте моим гостем! paying guest – жилец частного пансиона he was royally guested – его принимали по-королевски The Guest asked for the manager. Гость попросил позвать управляющего. Our Guest seems to become a fixture. Кажется наш гость собрался у нас поселиться. The Guest list […]...
17. Nothing but the truth A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p. m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to […]...
18. The Big Horse Race Horses in the race are: 1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Thighs 8. Big Johnson 9. Heavy Bosum 10. Merry Cherry At the Post: They’re off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. […]...
19. The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly. “Colonel!” he spat out. “Yes, general!” the colonel quavered. “Your troops, your troops,” stormed the general. “They look very nice, they stand […]...
20. A man goes to a psychiatrist A man goes to a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatrist suggests they start with a Rorschach Test. He holds up the first picture and asks the man what he sees. “A man and a woman making love in a park,” the man replies. The psychiatrist holds up the second picture and asks the […]...
21. A Little Information about Turkmenistan (2) My hometown is the of Turkmenabat and It is very dear to me, because I was born here which it is the second largest city in Turkmenistan. The population of Turkmenabat is over 254 thousand people. The city is located in the province of Lebap in the northeast of the country, which has borders Uzbekistan […]...
22. A well laid out plan “First,” said the playboy, “I’m going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose.” “Oh no you’re not,” said the girl. “Then I’ll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks.” “Oh no you’re not.” “Then I’ll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks.” […]...
23. Some problems A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says: “I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems.” “What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I’ll love it. It’s my child and I’ll love it […]...
24. One night, an 87-year-old woman One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to […]...
25. A tall woman met a midget at a party A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman’s apartment. “I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,” said the woman, “especially with the size […]...
26. Перевод слова idea Idea – идея, мысль, мнение Перевод слова What a funny idea! – что за странная мысль! preconceived idea – предвзятое мнение clear idea – ясное представление a brill idea – блестящая идея That’s the Idea! Вот именно! I don’t relish the Idea. Я не в восторге от этой идеи. I’m not saying it’s a bad […]...
27. Freudian Slip Woman walks into her psychiatrists office and says: “Hey doc, you know how we have been talking about freudian slips? Well, I had the most amazing one last night. I was eating dinner with my mother, and I meant to say, “please pass the salt,” but instead I said, “You god damn bitch, you ruined […]...
28. Значение идиомы the idea [the idea] or [the very idea] {n. phr.} – Used in exclamations toshow that you do not like something. The idea! Thinking Mother wasmy sister! The very idea of Tom bringing that dirty dog into myclean house!...
29. Значение идиомы what’s the big idea [what’s the big idea] or [what’s the idea] {informal} What is thepurpose; what do you have in mind; why did you do that; what are youdoing; how dare you. – Often used to question someone or somethingthat is not welcome. The Smith family painted their house red, white, and blue. What’s the big idea? What’s […]...
30. Marriage quotes 04 A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. – Guitry Ah Mozart! He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t. – Borge Always talk to your wife while you’re making love… if there’s a phone handy. An archaeologist […]...
31. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Any idea why they were stalling” Warren Уорен How did your business trip go? It was your first one overseas, right? Как прошла твоя командировка? Ты ведь впервые поехал в командировку заграницу? Yoko Йоко Well, I came back with mixed results. We got some business but we didn’t get the big deal we were expecting. Ну, результаты неоднозначны. Мы заключили некоторые […]...
32. Перевод слова foreign Foreign – иностранный, зарубежный, чужой Перевод слова Foreign language – иностранный язык foreign customs – чужеземные обычаи the name was foreign to me – это имя было мне незнакомо She has a Foreign accent. У нее иностранный акцент. The Foreign team upset the local team. Иностранная команда неожиданно выиграла у местной. She taught English to […]...
33. Sneaky, sneaky Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband’s insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night – only to find a cucumber in his hand. “Is THIS”, she asked, pointing to the vegetable, “what you’ve been using on me for […]...
34. Conversation over dinner Conversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not – don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) […]...
35. Значение идиомы be my guest [be my guest] {v. phr.} Feel free to use what I have; help yourself. When Suzie asked if she could borrow John’s bicycle, John said, “Be my guest.”...
36. Love Love is the best feeling in the world. Love makes the world go round. It is the greatest mystery of all times. If you ask someone “What is love?”, he or she will hardly find enough words to express its meaning. Love can be different. There is love for parents, love for children, love for […]...
37. When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no passion.. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.. I […]...
38. Ring, ring! *ring* *ring* “Hello?” Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated, “Hello?” “I’ll bet you want me to come into your bedroom,” a male voice whispered huskily, “…undress you, lick you from head to toe and make love to you until morning.” “Geez,” the woman replied, “you can tell all that from two […]...
39. A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and […]...
40. Birth control Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says “We’re Catholic so we can’t use it.” The next woman says “I am too but we use the rhythm method.” The third woman says “We use the bucket and saucer method.” “What the heck is […]...