A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked

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1. I walked up to a really pretty girl at the barI walked up to a really pretty girl at the bar the other night and said, «Hey, babe, can I buy you a drink?» She said, «Do you like sex?» I said, «Of course I like sex.» She said, «Do you like to travel?» I said, «Yeah, I love to travel.» She said, «Then fuck ... Читать далее...
2. A woman and her friend are visiting the zooA woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishhes her ... Читать далее...
3. Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife saidVisiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, «I want you to help me get a divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.» «What do you mean?» asked the attorney. «Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?» «No,» replied the ... Читать далее...
4. An American tourist is visiting ChinaAn American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide: «How large is the population here?» «Around 1.5 billion» — the guide answers American, After a short pause: «So, what else do you do here?»...
5. A tourist, visiting a small town in IsraelA tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to «The Unknown Soldier». At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: «Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg». The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name. The resident replied, «As a soldier, that ... Читать далее...
6. A cowboy walked into a barber shopA cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, «I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.» The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, ... Читать далее...
7. Back in the turn of the century in a mining townBack in the turn of the century in a mining town out west, a woman walked into a saloon. Suddenly she realised that she was not in the general store so she started to turn around and leave. As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy seated at the bar noticed her and said to ... Читать далее...
8. Значение идиомы visiting nurse[visiting nurse] {n.} A nurse who goes from home to home takingcare of sick people or giving help with other health problems. After John returned home from the hospital, the visiting nurse cameeach day to change his bandages....
9. Saskatchewan man’s dying wish was carved into tractor that trapped himCecil Harris spent hours trapped beneath a tractor during a 1948 storm, and that’s where he carved a short but sweet will. SASKATOON — Lawyers call it one of the most unique wills ever written. On Friday, the University of Saskatchewan’s College of Law celebrated the 65th anniversary of a will written by farmer Cecil ... Читать далее...
10. A man walked into a lawyer’s office andA man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. «Fifty dollars for three questions,» replied the lawyer. «Isn’t that awfully steep?» asked the man. «Yes,» the lawyer replied, «and what was your third question?»...
11. A man walked into the bar and there was a gorillaA man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla sitting on a barstool. The man asked the bartender what the gorilla was doing in the bar so the bartender showed him. He took out a bat and hit the gorilla over the head with it. The animal instantly dropped down and gave the ... Читать далее...
12. Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turnedVisiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. «This,» she said, «I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?» «No, madam,» replied the attendant. «That one’s called a mirror.»...
13. A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swimA shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. A large wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top. She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest. Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said, «Lady, if ... Читать далее...
14. A young boy was visiting his grandfather’s farmA young boy was visiting his grandfather’s farm when one day he walks out behind the barn and sees his grandfather playing with himself. The boy says, «What are you doing grandpa, jacking off?» Grandpa replies, «No sonny, just jacking!»...
15. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroomLittle Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little ... Читать далее...
16. The Zen Master is visiting New York CityThe Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, «Make me one with everything.» The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box ... Читать далее...
17. A city boy was visiting the country andA city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy ... Читать далее...
18. A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious itemsA man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with «WWJD» printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn’t figure it out, so he asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for ... Читать далее...
19. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded womanA blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: «I don’t want to complain, but I think those ... Читать далее...
20. A farmer walked into an attorney officeA farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, «May I help you?» The farmer said, «Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.» The attorney said, «well do you have any grounds?» The farmer said, «Yea, I got about 140 acres.» The attorney said, » No, ... Читать далее...
21. An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first timeAn Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would ... Читать далее...
22. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her handA blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, «Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова attractiveAttractive — привлекательный, очаровательный Перевод слова Attractive smile — очаровательная улыбка attractive package — привлекательная упаковка attractive girl — очаровательная девушка sexually attractive — соблазнительный I must say, it’s a very Attractive offer. Я должен сказать, это очень привлекательное предложение. Women seem to find him Attractive. Женщины находят его привлекательным. Происхождение слова attractive Образовано от ... Читать далее...
24. An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remoteAn attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes ... Читать далее...
25. An American was waiting on a London street cornerAn American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. «A bit airy, isn’t it?» remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, «‘Ell yes! What did you expect — feathers?!»...
26. Father! Father! An old man on crutches walked up«Father! Father! An old man on crutches walked up to the holy water a minute ago, and he splashed some on his right leg and then he threw away his right crutch! Then he splashed some more on the other leg and threw away his left crutch!» «My boy, you’ve witnessed a miracle! What happened ... Читать далее...
27. Farmer John had just walked into the local watering holeFarmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. «Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling ... Читать далее...
28. How many does it take?Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another. After this and the accompanying small-talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a «good time.» ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова villageVillage — деревня, село Перевод слова Village commune — сельская община the lassies from the village — деревенские девчушки an obscure country village — глухая деревушка The whole Village was early astir. С раннего утра вся деревня была на ногах. The whole Village was engulfed in the flood. Разливом затопило всю деревню. I have lived ... Читать далее...
30. Greenwich Village and the East Village in New YorkТопик Гринвич-Виллидж и Ист-Виллидж в Нью-Йорке рассказывает о двух кварталах столицы США. С начала 20 века Гринвич-Виллидж стал пристанищем для людей богемы. Сейчас богемная жизнь ушла в прошлое. В центре квартала находится известный парк на Вашингтон-сквер, вокруг которого сосредоточены учебные корпуса Нью-Йоркского университета. Здесь нашли приют многие не-бродвейские театры, джаз-клубы и комедийные клубы. Ист-Виллидж — ... Читать далее...
31. US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary schoolUS Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school. After fifteen minutes speaking he says: ‘I will now answer any questions you have.’ Bobby stands up and says: ‘I have four questions’: 1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven’t you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why ... Читать далее...
32. Visiting a Patient in the HospitalGeorge: You’re just In time. There’s only another 20 minutes until the end of Visiting hours. Inez: I got here as soon as I could. How is Uncle Peter? George: They moved him from the Emergency ward to the Intensive care unit. He’s on Life support. Inez: How could this have happened? How could somebody ... Читать далее...
33. A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladderA man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, ... Читать далее...
34. Посещение врача/ Visiting A DoctorНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Visiting A Doctor Посещение врача Health problems have always worried people. In ancient times when people didn’t have any medicine or doctors, they learned to treat ailments using various plants and herbs. Today everything is simplified. Whenever people catch cold, have allergies, suffer from headaches or back pains, ... Читать далее...
35. Visiting a RanchPiero: What’s all this? Annie: I’m visiting my sister and brother-in-law’s new Ranch next month and I’m getting ready for it. I know I’m a city girl, but I plan To fit right in On that ranch and work Alongside all of the other cowboys. Piero: Well, you Look the part. You’ve got your Cowboy ... Читать далее...
36. A snow town — Город из снегаMy name is Vika Vishnjakova and I live in a very small town somewhere behind the Polar circle. I study English at school №6 and I am a student of the 7th form. Very often I spend my summer holidays in summer camps near the Black Sea or the Azov Sea. I like it very ... Читать далее...
37. It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegationsIt seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations against President Clinton. It all stems from the Paula Jones case. The spokesperson remarked that it would be impossible for a woman with a six inch nose to give a blow job to a person with a three inch dick....
38. Перевод слова townTown — город Перевод слова The best people in the town — лучшие люди в городе town clerk — секретарь муниципалитета the contrast between town and country — различие между городом и деревней I walked around Town. Я бродил по центру города. This Town is jinxed. На этом городе лежит проклятие. He tore off into ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы paint the town red[paint the town red] or [paint the town] {v. phr.}, {slang} To goout to drink and have a good time; celebrate wildly; carouse. Itwas the sailors’ first night ashore; they painted the town red. Compare: ON THE TOWN....
40. Just like my wifeA completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, «I’m sorry. I thought you were my ... Читать далее...