A use for Viagra

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1. This man got his prescription for Viagra This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home in an hour.” “Perfect,” she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He […]...
2. Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, “Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?” Grandpa looks at him and says “No Johnny, I will not.” “But Grandpa, why?” asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. “Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you […]...
3. It just kills my appetite A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. “Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?” she asks. He declines. “It’s this Viagra,” he says, “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. “A bowl of […]...
4. Перевод слова tablet Tablet – таблетка, табличка Перевод слова Aspirin tablet – таблетка аспирина clay tablet – глиняная табличка marble tablet – мраморная плита Their names are engraved on a stone Tablet. Их имена выгравированы на каменной плите. Dissolve the Tablet in water. Растворите таблетку в воде. The label says to take one Tablet before meals. На этикетке […]...
5. A necessary condition There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, “Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy? Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, “No, I don’t really want to make the sound of a frog now.” So, the second little boy comes out and […]...
6. Over the counter A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, “Do you sell Viagra here?” The pharmacist answers […]...
7. At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20. Grandpa’s doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed replied “Oh well, if she dies, I’ll just get myself another one.”...
8. Women’s instructions WOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So […]...
9. Two bikers were talking at a bar Two bikers were talking at a bar. “How’s married life?” asks the first. “It’s fine,” says the second. “How’s the sex?” asks the first. “Fine,” says the second, “At least I don’t have to wait in line!”...
10. Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting on the veranda of the old folks home rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs. Grandpa Rabinowitz rocks forward in his chair and says to Grandma, “Fuck you!” Grandma Saperstein rocks forward in her chair and says to Grandpa, “Fuck you too!” Grandpa becomes very much excited […]...
11. A man was walking down the street when he noticed A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. “Grandpa, what are you doing?” he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. “Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here […]...
12. Перевод слова nurse Nurse – медсестра, нянька, сиделка; ухаживать Перевод слова To nurse a fire – поддерживать огонь maternity nurse – акушерка mental nurse – сиделка в психиатрической лечебнице nurse’s area – пост медсестры The Nurse gave the patient an enema. Медсестра поставила больному клизму. He’s been Nursing an elderly relative. Он присматривает за престарелым родственником. I’m training […]...
13. Punishment that fits the crime Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks “why are you here?” The schnauzer responds, “I’m 17 years old. I don’t see or hear very well. I’ve been […]...
14. The wife is not speaking to me One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. “What’s the matter?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy “and now she isn’t talking to me for a […]...
15. Перевод слова chocolate Chocolate – шоколад Перевод слова To binge on chocolate – объедаться шоколадом chocolate cake – шоколадный торт chocolate candy – шоколадная конфета I just can’t resist Chocolate. Я просто не могу устоять перед шоколадом. He has a weakness for Chocolate. У него слабость к шоколаду. Chocolate is poisonous to dogs. Шоколад очень вреден для собак. […]...
16. A really bad, terrible mistake Fred goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, I want to be castrated.” Doc says, “Look, I don’t know what kind of cult you’re into or what your motives are, but I’m not going to do that sort of operation.” Fred: “Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I’m a little embarrassed about talking […]...
17. Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first nurse said, “I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn’t hear. The second nurse said, “Well, I did worse […]...
18. Значение идиомы sleep on [sleep on] {v.} To postpone a decision about. We asked Judy ifshe would join our club and she answered that she would sleep on it. We will have to sleep on your invitation until we know whether wewill be free Monday night....
19. Значение идиомы put to sleep [put to sleep] {v. phr.} 1. To cause to fall asleep. Mother usedto put us to sleep by telling us a good-night story and giving us akiss. 2. To kill with an injection. Dr. Murphy, the veterinarian, put our sick, old dog to sleep....
20. Safe sex A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around. Teen says, “Grandpa, they didn’t have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases […]...
21. Значение идиомы visiting nurse [visiting nurse] {n.} A nurse who goes from home to home takingcare of sick people or giving help with other health problems. After John returned home from the hospital, the visiting nurse cameeach day to change his bandages....
22. Перевод идиомы sleep like a log / sleep like a baby / sleep like a top, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: sleep like a log / sleep like a baby / sleep like a top Перевод: спать крепким, здоровым сном Пример: I slept like a log last night. Прошлой ночью я спал, как убитый....
23. A young boy was visiting his grandfather’s farm A young boy was visiting his grandfather’s farm when one day he walks out behind the barn and sees his grandfather playing with himself. The boy says, “What are you doing grandpa, jacking off?” Grandpa replies, “No sonny, just jacking!”...
24. A pregnant woman is about to give birth A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. […]...
25. One day the different parts of the body One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge. The brain said “I do all the thinking so I’m the most important and I should be in charge.” The eyes said “I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so […]...
26. A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window […]...
27. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” […]...
28. Take in a boarder An elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions. “Yes,” says the Doctor, “I would advise you to take in a boarder.” A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine his wife is […]...
29. Перевод слова daily Daily – ежедневный, повседневный Перевод слова Daily duty – ежедневное дежурство daily cares – повседневные хлопоты daily average – среднесуточный She phoned the hospital Daily. Она звонила в больницу каждый день. The garden needs watering Daily. Сад необходимо поливать ежедневно. The program is aired Daily. Эта программа выходит ежедневно....
30. Значение идиомы sleep a wink [sleep a wink] {v. phr.} To get a moment’s sleep; enjoy a bit ofsleep. – Used in negative and conditional statements and in questions. I didn’t sleep a wink all night....
31. Значение идиомы in charge of [in charge of] {prep.} 1. Responsible for; having supervision orcare of. Marian is in charge of selling tickets. The girl incharge of refreshments forgot to order the ice cream for the party. When our class had a play, the teacher put Harold in charge of thestage curtain. 2. or [in the charge of] Under the […]...
32. Перевод слова charge Charge – заряжать, наполнять; возлагать ответственность; плата за услуги Перевод слова The emotional charge – эмоциональный заряд charge of surety – допускаемая нагрузка free of charge – бесплатно I Charge you not to go. Я требую, чтобы вы остались. The Charge for students is $8. Плата для студентов – $8. He is in Charge of […]...
33. Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, “Mama! I […]...
34. Значение идиомы second childhood [second childhood] {n. phr.} Senility; dotage. “Grandpa is inhis second childhood; we must make allowances for him at the dinnertable,” my mother said, as Grandpa dropped food all over the place....
35. Bass Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one – but the guitarist has to show him first. Q: How many bass players does […]...
36. Using Electronics on Airplanes Flight attendant: I’m sorry, sir, but all passengers need to turn off their Portable electronic devices for Takeoff, so you’ll need to turn off your Laptop. Alec: I just need to finish one last email. Flight attendant: Sir, we can’t take off until you turn that computer off. Alec: Fine. It’s off. Why all the […]...
37. Go to the hospital Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.” “What a coincidence!” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.” The nurse returned in a […]...
38. A drunken blonde goes into a bar A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, “Gimme a beer.” The bartender then asks, “Anheuser-Busch?” To which she replies, “Fine thanks, and how’s your cock?”...
39. Having Trouble Sleeping Luis: So, how are the Newlyweds doing? Stevie: Oh, we’re great. I’m just a little tired. Luis: Well, that Goes with the territory, right? Stevie: No, that’s not what I mean. Patrick has been keeping me up with his Snoring. Luis: Oh, that’s a Bummer. Stevie: Yeah, it really is. I’m usually Awakened soon after […]...
40. One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each […]...