A strange kind of robbery

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1. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a jobA blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think ... Читать далее...
2. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty lifeA blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to ... Читать далее...
3. A blonde came running home to her motherA blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. «What’s wrong?» her mum, (another blonde) asked. «My boyfriend’s just dropped me!» wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. «No mum,» the blonde interrupted. «You don’t understand — I can fuck and ... Читать далее...
4. A BlondeA Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, «I’ve kidnapped you.» She then wrote a note saying, «I’ve kidnapped your kid. ... Читать далее...
5. Commiting suicideA blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, «You put it around your neck!» The ... Читать далее...
6. A blonde went to the appliance store saleA blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. «I would like to buy this TV,» she told the salesman. «Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,» he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, «I would like to buy this TV.» «Sorry we don’t sell ... Читать далее...
7. One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stallOne day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating. The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew ... Читать далее...
8. Strange headline newsThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A bird dropped a snake over a California power station, short-circuiting a line and causing a two-hour blackout. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова dawnDawn — рассвет, заря Перевод слова At the crack of dawn — рано утром, спозаранку at the dawn of civilization — на заре цивилизации from dusk to dawn — от зари до зари The boats set off at Dawn. Лодки отправились на рассвете. The age of computers had Dawned. Наступила эра компьютеров. The truth finally ... Читать далее...
10. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly beingA blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her «go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?» The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы highway robbery[highway robbery] {n. phr.} 1. A hold-up of or theft from a personcommitted on an open road or street usually by an armed man. Highway robbery was common in England in Shakespeare’s day. 2. Anextremely high price or charge; a profiteer’s excessive charge. Tosomeone from a small town, the prices of meals and theater tickets ... Читать далее...
12. A blonde is speaking to her psychiatristA blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. «I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.» Psychiatrist: «Don’t you have a phone in your car?» Blonde: «That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.» Psychiatrist: ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы color[color] See: CHANGE COLOR, GIVE COLOR TO or LEND COLOR TO, HAUL DOWN ONE’S COLORS, HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR, NAIL ONE’S COLORS TO THE MAST, OFF-COLOR or OFF-COLORED, SAIL UNDER FALSE COLORS, SEE THE COLOR OF ONE’S MONEY, SHOW ONE’S COLORS, WITH FLYING COLORS....
14. Giving Someone Your RecommendationJimmy: My cousin Sal said that he Put in an application for a job here. Suzanne: Yeah, that’s right. Jimmy: Well? Suzanne: Well, what? Jimmy: Are you going To hire him? Suzanne: I’m not sure. He doesn’t have any experience and he didn’t provide any References. Jimmy: I can Vouch for him. Sal is Solid. ... Читать далее...
15. Two TouristsTwo tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. «Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would ... Читать далее...
16. Believing in Scary ThingsElla: No matter what you say, I am not going out tonight. It’s Halloween and EvilThings are Lurking everywhere. Jimmy: Come on, it’s Halloween! It’s the holiday when kids get Dressed up and ask for candy. There is nothing evil or Creepy about this day. If you’re Scared stiff, it’s Your own doing. Ella: Don’t ... Читать далее...
17. One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart andOne day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was a thermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to work one day and the ... Читать далее...
18. A kind of sportA guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He’s laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, «What the hell was that?» He replies, «Touchdown, I am ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы give color to[give color to] or [lend color to] {v. phr.} To make seem true or likely. The boy’s torn clothes gave color to his storyof a fight. The way the man ate lent color to his story of nearstarvation....
20. A young blonde woman is distraughtA young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband ... Читать далее...
21. Running a Pilot ProgramRosalind: How is the Pilot program coming along? Jimmy: We’ll be ready To launch it in another month, but I have some serious Reservations. Rosalind: Like what? Jimmy: We haven’t Worked out all of the bugs yet and we might Come up against some Resistance from the community. Rosalind: Isn’t that the Nature of a ... Читать далее...
22. The District Attorney requested all the robbery victims toThe District Attorney requested all the robbery victims to come to the police station to study a lineup of five people. He placed his suspect at the end of the line. Then he asked each to step forward and say, «Give me all your money…and I need some change in quarters, nickels and dimes.» The ... Читать далее...
23. Build an ArkThe Lord said to Noah, «In six months, I’m going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark.» Six months passed. The skies began to ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы change color[change color] {v. phr.} 1. To become pale. The sight was so horrible that Mary changed color from fear. Bill lost so much blood from the cut that he changed color. 2. To become pink or red in the face; become flushed; blush. Mary changed color when the teacher praised her drawing. Tom got angry ... Читать далее...
25. An easy solutionOn a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, «I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.» Not wanting to argue ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы off-color[off-color] or [off-colored] {adj.} 1. Not of the proper hue orshade; not matching a standard color sample. The librariancomplained that the painter had used an off-color green on the walls. 2. {informal} Not of the proper kind for polite society; in bad taste;dirty. When Joe finished his off-color story, no one was pleased....
27. Значение идиомы horse of a different color[horse of a different color] or [horse of another color] {n. phr.},{informal} Something altogether separate and different. Anyone canbe broke, but to steal is a horse of a different color. Do youmean that the boy with that pretty girl is her brother? I thought hewas her boyfriend. Well, that’s a horse of another color....
28. Blonde on blondeA blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. «What does it look like?» she finally ... Читать далее...
29. Пословица / поговорка it is darkest before the dawn — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: it is darkest before the dawn Перевод: тьма сгущается перед рассветом Эквивалент в русском языке: нет худа без добра Пример: The economic situation was terrible and just as it is darkest before the dawn things became worse before they began to improve. Экономическая ситуация была ужасной, и, так как тьма сгущается перед ... Читать далее...
30. Forming a UnionNorma: What is this? Jimmy: It’s a Flyer for a meeting I’ve called to talk about forming a Labor union here. Norma: Here? Do you think the Management will let us? Jimmy: They can’t stop us. We’re working longer and longer hours and we need To demand higher pay. We also need better Work conditions ... Читать далее...
31. Strange people are hereThere was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. ‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод слова robberyRobbery — ограбление, грабеж, разбой Перевод слова Highway robbery — грабеж на большой дороге armed robbery — вооруженный грабеж robbery with violence — грабеж с насилием bank robbery — ограбление банка They charge him with armed Robbery. Они обвиняют его в вооруженном ограблении. The prisoner was convicted of Robbery. Подсудимый был осужден за ограбление. Police ... Читать далее...
33. Some explainingThe newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy their two week vacation/honeymoon. The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, «Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover? Long time no see.» A frosty silence prevailed until the ... Читать далее...
34. A strange jigsaw puzzlePaddy gets a phone call from Murphy. «Paddy,» says Murphy, «I’ve got a problem.» «What’s the matter?» replies Paddy «Oi’ve bought a jigsaw and it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together, and I can’t find any edges.» «What’s the picture of?» asks Paddy «It’s of a big cockerel,» Murphy replies. Paddy says, «Alroight, ... Читать далее...
35. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlockTwo blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Blonde#1: I can’t seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!...
36. A lawyer named Strange diedA lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, «Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.» The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод идиомы praise someone or something to the skies, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: praise someone or something to the skies Перевод: превозносить кого-либо или что-либо до небес Пример: The teachers praised the principal to the skies for the new policies at the school. Учитель превознес директора школы до небес из-за новой политики в школе....
38. A salesman in a strange city was feeling hornyA salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and wanted release. He inquired for the address of a good house of ill repute. He was told to go to 225 West 42nd St. By mistake, he went to 255 West 42nd St, the office of a podiatrist. Being met by a beautiful woman in ... Читать далее...
39. Buying A BullTwo sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last ... Читать далее...
40. Best kind of sexA man went to a sex doctor and told him of his extremely active sex life. He said He had a wife, several mistresses, masturbated, and had wet dreams all the time. The doctor asked which he liked best. He Replied, » Wet Dreams, you meet a much higher class of people in them.»...