A strange jigsaw puzzle

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1. Irishman declares warSaddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says «Hello». The voice at the end of the phone says «Hello Mr. Hussein, it’s Paddy here. I’m just ringing to let you know that we’ve declared war on your country.» SH smiles to himself, «Come on Paddy», he says, ... Читать далее...
2. Humor about Irish Pubs(Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. «Jazus Mick…Well have to turn ... Читать далее...
3. Paddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holidayPaddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holiday in Australia. His mate asked him what it was like. «Australia’s a great place!» Paddy replied. «First they take you home and fill you so full of piss you can’t stand up. Then, to top it off, they let you fuck their women whenever you ... Читать далее...
4. Humor about St. Patrick’s DayPaddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. «What’s wrong, Seamus?» Paddy asked. «Well didn’t ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?» said Seamus. «Ah, praise the Almighty!» Paddy replied with relief. «I thought I’d ... Читать далее...
5. The local priest came across Paddy who hadThe local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. «Paddy,» he said, » I’m afraid I’ll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.» «Really, Father?» slurred Paddy. «What have you done?»...
6. It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go lookIt’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands ... Читать далее...
7. Trapped within a bogPaddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O’Reilly wandered by. «Help!» Paddy shouted, «Oi’m sinkin’!» Don’t worry,» assured Mick. «Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi’m the strongest man in Erin, and Oi’ll pull ye right out o’ there.» Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy’s hand and pulled and pulled ... Читать далее...
8. Jokes about St. Patrick’s DayTwo Irishmen were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground. Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy «Jez, that look like Sean» to which Paddy replied «No Sean was taller than that» It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride ... Читать далее...
9. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he wentPaddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова phonePhone — телефон, звонить по телефону Перевод слова Phone booth — телефонная будка to leave the phone off the hook — не повесить телефонную трубку to call smb. to the phone — пригласить кого-л. к телефону to speak on the phone — говорить по телефону Can you get the Phone? Можешь принести телефон? I’ll Phone ... Читать далее...
11. Using the TelephoneCharles: I don’t know how long this Power outage is going to last. Do you think we should call Elizabeth to tell her we’ll be late for dinner? Jane: That’s a good idea. Do you know her Phone number offhand? Charles: No, I don’t, and I can’t look it up in my Address book or ... Читать далее...
12. Paddy was picked up on a rape chargePaddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into the room. Paddy jumped forward, and screamed «That’s her! That’s her! I’d recognize her anywhere!»...
13. An ancient IrishmanThree Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. «Come have a look over here,» says Paddy, «it’s Michael O’Grady’s grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.» «That’s nothing», says ... Читать далее...
14. Equally qualifiedYoung man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went ... Читать далее...
15. The work qualification testMurphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy ... Читать далее...
16. Irish Pub JokesMurphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, «Where are we now?» The guide said, «We’re in the great state of Texas.» «It’s a big place,» said Murphy. The ... Читать далее...
17. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
18. Amusing Jokes about the IrishMrs. Ryan, a mean looking woman, claimed her husband was not thoughtful. In this she was wrong; her husband thought about her too much. One morning on his way to work, he thought about her so much that he got off the subway at 34th Street and went to the Greyhound Terminal and took a ... Читать далее...
19. The Pope was working on a crossword puzzleThe Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He thought and thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the Cardinal next to him, «What’s a four letter word, ending in U — N — T that means ‘woman’?» The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn’t even bother to look up. ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова kitchenKitchen — кухня Перевод слова Kitchen clobber — кухонные приспособления field kitchen — полевая кухня kitchen unit — кухонный комбайн the French kitchen — французская кухня Get out of the Kitchen! Выметайся из кухни! Who messed up the Kitchen? Кто устроил беспорядок на кухне? Lock the cat in the Kitchen. Закрой кота на кухне....
21. Значение идиомы to pieces[to pieces] {adv. phr.} 1. Into broken pieces or fragments;destroyed. The cannon shot the town to pieces. The vase fell topieces in Mary’s hand. 2. {informal} So as not to work; into a stateof not operating. After 100,000 miles the car went to pieces. When Mary heard of her mother’s death, she went to pieces. ... Читать далее...
22. Home ShoppingVictor: Turn off the TV and put down that phone. I know what you’re about to do. Julia: I wasn’t going to do anything. Victor: You’re watching the Home shopping channel and you have the phone in your hand, which means you’re about to call them and order something. Admit it. Julia: I just wanted ... Читать далее...
23. Home ShoppingVictor: Turn off the TV and put down that phone. I know what you’re about to do. Julia: I wasn’t going to do anything. Victor: You’re watching the Home shopping channel and you have the phone in your hand, which means you’re about to call them and order something. Admit it. Julia: I just wanted ... Читать далее...
24. My friend is dead!Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод слова puzzlePuzzle — головоломка; озадачивать, приводить в замешательство Перевод слова Cross-word puzzle — кроссворд pictorial puzzle — ребус; загадочная картинка puzzled look — озадаченный взгляд He was Puzzled how to act. Он не знал, как поступить. This question Puzzles me. Этот вопрос ставит меня в тупик. I still can’t Puzzle out what he meant. До сих ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы cut to pieces[cut to pieces] {v. phr.} 1. To divide into small parts with something sharp; cut badly or completely. Baby has cut the newspaper to pieces with scissors. 2. To destroy or defeat completely. The soldiers were cut to pieces by the Indians. When Dick showed his book report to his big sister for correction, she ... Читать далее...
27. Judi was bored with driving her BMWJudi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы paddy wagon[paddy wagon] {n.}, {informal} A police van used for transportingprisoners to jail or the police station. The police threw thedemonstrators into the paddy wagon....
29. Английские слова и словосочетания на тему телефонного разговораPhone / telephone — телефон; звонить по телефону Telephone booth / telephone box — телефонная будка Pay phone / call box — телефон-автомат, общественный телефон Switchboard — коммутатор Receiver — телефонная трубка Pager — пейджер Cellular phone / cell phone — сотовый телефон Mobile phone — мобильный телефон Cordless phone — беспроводной телефон Answering machine ... Читать далее...
30. Strange people are hereThere was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. ‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are ... Читать далее...
31. Разговор по телефону на английском языкеОсновные фразы на английском языке, которые часто употребляются в телефонном разговоре. This is… С Вами говорит… I have to give a phone call. Мне нужно позвонить. Please, may I use your phone? Я могу воспользоваться Вашим телефоном? Please, may I use your telephone directory? Можно воспользоваться Вашим телефонным справочником? Hello, may I speak to Mr. ... Читать далее...
32. Working With The FBIThe phone rings at FBI headquarters. «Hello?» «Hello, is this the FBI?» «Yes. What do you want?» «I’m calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.» «Thank you very much for the call, sir.» The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux’s house. They search the shed where ... Читать далее...
33. Frivolous Old GalI have become a little older since I last saw you and a few changes have come into my life. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John. Next, ... Читать далее...
34. A strange kind of robberyJim had been out on the town with a dazzling blonde, and he was returning home as the rosy tints of dawn began to color the skies. Marshaling all his inner resources, he managed an air of sobriety and dignity before the suspicious eye and wagging tongue of his wife. Suddenly, as he was undressing, ... Читать далее...
35. Strange headline newsThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A bird dropped a snake over a California power station, short-circuiting a line and causing a two-hour blackout. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
36. An affair with the horsePaddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: «I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.» His second friend says: «I think my wife is having an affair with ... Читать далее...
37. Irish religion jokesBoyle sat in a Belfast confessional. «Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,» he said. «I’ve blown up three hundred miles of English railroad!» «All right, my son,» admonished the priest. «For penance, finish off the stations!» Father Murphy met Casey in the street and Casey admired his new umbrella. Father Murphy said, «Thank you, ... Читать далее...
38. A lawyer named Strange diedA lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, «Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.» The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы go to pieces[go to pieces] {v. phr.} To become very nervous or sick fromnervousness; become wild. Mrs. Vance went to pieces when she heardher daughter was in the hospital. The man went to pieces when thejudge said he would have to go to prison for life. Mary goes topieces when she can’t have her own way....
40. Значение идиомы within call[within call] or [within hail] {adv. phr.} 1. Near enough to heareach other’s voices. When the two ships were within hail, theirofficers exchanged messages. Billy’s mother told him to staywithin call because supper was nearly ready. 2. In a place where youcan be reached by phone, radio, or TV and be called. The sick manwas ... Читать далее...