A peculiar dress

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1. There were 2 old-maid sisters, both virginsThere were 2 old-maid sisters… both virgins. It’s Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, «I’m not going to die a virgin… I’m going out and I’m not coming home ’til I’ve been laid!!» Betty says, «Well, make sure you’re home by 10 so I don’t worry about you.» 10 o’clock rolls around ... Читать далее...
2. Being an Early or Late RiserSpiro: Hey, Watch out! Nancy: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there. I thought I would be the only person Up at the crack of dawn. What are you doing sitting on the Stoop at this Ungodly hour? Spiro: I’m trying To turn over a new leaf. Nancy: What do you mean? Spiro: I’m ... Читать далее...
3. Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the nightLittle Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother’s room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, «I want a man, I want a man.» Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory ... Читать далее...
4. Gates gets punishmentBill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, «Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every ... Читать далее...
5. On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were havingOn the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed ... Читать далее...
6. A woman was thinking about finding a petA woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large ... Читать далее...
7. Nancy Reagan is the celebrity contestant on PasswordNancy Reagan is the celebrity contestant on Password. It’s her turn to guess the word. Voice Over: And the password is. . . black dick! Nancy: Um. . . is it a place? Her partner: No. Nancy: Is it a person? Her partner: No. Nancy: Hmm, then it must be a thing. Um, is it ... Читать далее...
8. A psychology student at a local universityA psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered «When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.» ... Читать далее...
9. The Hazards of Kicking the CatThe Hazards of Kicking the Cat There was a little boy with a bad attitude. He was at home one day doing his chores. He was feeding the chickens and he got mad and kicked one across the yard. He was feeding the hogs and got mad and kicked the hell out of one of ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова nakedNaked — голый, явный, неприкрытый Перевод слова Invisible to the naked eye — невидимый невооруженным взглядом naked aggression — явная агрессия to strip smb. naked — раздеть кого-л. донага naked confession — голословное признание Her Naked body was found in a field. Ее обнаженное тело было найдено в поле. They stripped me Naked. Они сорвали ... Читать далее...
11. A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noisesA man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, «help, help, I am having a heart attack», the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run ... Читать далее...
12. One day, little Billy comes home from kindergartenOne day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also ... Читать далее...
13. Meeting a New NeighborNancy: Hello there! Hello! Eric: Hello. Nancy: I’m Nancy, your Neighbor across the street. You’re new to the neighborhood. Eric: Yes, I just moved in last weekend. Nancy: That’s nice. How are you Settling in? Eric: Fine, thanks. Nancy: Would you like to come over and have a cup of coffee? I can give you ... Читать далее...
14. A man gets home early from workA man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. «What’s up?» he says. «I’m having a heart attack,» cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, ... Читать далее...
15. Birth Order and Sibling RivalriesNancy: Isn’t this a great time of year? Families get together over the holidays. Yasmani: Maybe it’s nice for some families, but I Dread my family Get-togethers. Nancy: How come? Yasmani: I have a big family and there has always been a lot of Sibling rivalry. Nancy: I’m sure that was true when you were ... Читать далее...
16. Nature of HellA thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.» Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова peculiarPeculiar — своеобразный, специфический, особенный Перевод слова The peculiar formation of the heart — специфическое строение сердца be peculiar in dress — одеваться оригинально peculiar flavor — специфический вкус She is a girl of Peculiar temper. Это девушка с очень необычным характером. This latter point is one of Peculiar interest. Последний пункт представляет особенный интерес. ... Читать далее...
18. Ordering Food DeliveryOrder clerk: Hello, Torino’s Restaurant. Nancy: Hello, I’d like To place a Delivery order. Order clerk: Can I have your address and the Major cross streets, please? Nancy: It’s 1212 Main Street, and the nearest cross streets are Speedway and Highland. Order clerk: Okay, it looks like you’re in our Delivery area. What would you ... Читать далее...
19. Rooms in a HouseI don’t like cats. That’s not really true. I like cats, but they don’t like me. Last week, my friend Sara asked me To babysit her cat for two days while she was out of town. Normally, I would have said no, but she was In a jam, so I said okay. As I said, ... Читать далее...
20. Surfing the InternetIsaiah: Aren’t you supposed to be working? Nancy: I just thought I would take a break and Surf the web a little. Isaiah: You’d better be careful which sites you visit. You know that Big Brother is watching. Nancy: The boss told us that, but I don’t believe it. They’re not going to care if ... Читать далее...
21. I think I try a nicer approachEvery night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let ... Читать далее...
22. Значение идиомы hell[hell] See: COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, GO THROUGH HELL AND HIGHWATER, HELL-ON-WHEELS, LIKE HELL, TO HELL WITH, UNTIL HELL FREEZESOVER, WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER....
23. Broken leg«How did it happen?» the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. «Well, doc, 25 years ago…» «Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.» «Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d ... Читать далее...
24. A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the weddingA huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, «How the hell do the two of you have sex?» The big guy says, «I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down.» His friend says, «You ... Читать далее...
25. Sentencing a CriminalNancy: Hey, where have you been? Geraldo: I’ve been in the other courtroom watching the Sentencing of that Murderer. Nancy: Which murderer? Geraldo: The one who failed To get the charges reduced through a Plea agreement. During the Trial, her attorneys tried to show that there were Mitigating circumstances, but the Judge didn’t Buy it. ... Читать далее...
26. There was this boy in high school that was what you would callThere was this boy in high school that was what you would consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement of his home and one night he came up and said «Dad look what I made.» So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of soil and instantly grass ... Читать далее...
27. Types of ViewsAndrea: Help me decide on which type of hotel room To book. George: I want the one with a bed. Andrea: Very funny. We have a choice of different views, and each one is a different price. For instance, a room with a City view is $175 a night and a Panoramic view is $275 ... Читать далее...
28. Get marriedJohnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they don’t ... Читать далее...
29. A widow was feeling rather lonelyA widow was feeling rather lonely and decided that the best thing for her would be to have a companion. So, off she went to the pet shop. She wasn’t sure just what kind of pet she’d like, so she figured she’d just walk around until she found just the ‘right one.’ She went past ... Читать далее...
30. A peculiar birthday cardThis blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards — something unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day — «Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.» The blonde replied, «How cool! I’ll take ... Читать далее...
31. Capitalist and Socialist HellA young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard, «What ... Читать далее...
32. Guy goes to hell and is met by the devilGuy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment. First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next room ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы good riddance[good riddance] {n.} A loss that you are glad about. Often used asan exclamation, and in the sentence «good riddance to bad rubbish». Toshow that you are glad that something or somebody has been taken orsent away. The boys thought it was good riddance when thetroublemaker was sent home. When Mr. Roberts’ old car was ... Читать далее...
34. A Good ListenerWoman: Hi, Long time no see. How have you been? Man: Oh, I’ve been fine, but I’m having some trouble with my son. Woman: Tell me all about it. Man: Oh, he’s 14 and in the past few months, he’s become quieter and a bit Secretive. He locks himself in his room and I think ... Читать далее...
35. Following a Dress CodeTae: What are you doing? Why are you taking all of my clothes out of my suitcase? I just finished Packing that. Nicole: You’ve packed all of the wrong things. We’re going on a Luxury cruise and all you’ve packed are shorts and t-shirts. Tae: I’m going on vacation and I don’t have To dress ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы dress up[dress up] {v.} 1a. To put on best or special clothes. Billy hated being dressed up and took off his best suit as soon as he got home from church. 1b. To put on a costume for fun or clothes for a part in a play. Mary was dressed up to play Cinderella in her ... Читать далее...
37. Donating to a Thrift StoreScott: That’s the last bag. Help me put these into the truck. I want to get these to the Thrift store before they stop taking Donations for the day. Nancy: Hold on! That bag has Curtains in it. Scott: I know they do. Those old curtains have been Sitting around in the Closet for 10 ... Читать далее...
38. A Purple HeartA decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to ... Читать далее...
39. Перевод слова hellHell — ад, преисподня; черт (ругательство) Перевод слова To make smb.’s life a hell — превратить чью-л. жизнь в ад to suffer through hell — переносить муки ада oh hell! — черт возьми! hell of a way — чертовски далеко Who the Hell are you? Кто ты такой, черт побери? To Hell with the flaming ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы a hell of[a hell of] a [or one hell of a] {adj. or adv. phr.}, {informal} Extraordinary; very. He made a hell of a shot during the basketball game. Max said seven months was a hell of a time to have to wait for a simple visa. The fall Max took left one hell of a bruise ... Читать далее...